Baseball in the Trade Time: Snot on the Ball II

Welcome to the inaugural 2nd post of “Snot on the Ball.” Here we will discuss the relevance of our nation’s pastime, the pennant races, trades, farm systems, socio-economic systems, and most of all, why all of this is important. That being said, your author understands the “rough focus” of this blog revolves around a rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Denver Broncos. Since there appears to be no chance at a Chiefs Super Bowl victory in the next decade, I believe I have been brought aboard to mock and ridicule in the absence of a 2nd Kansas City homer. Thank you for stopping by. Your comments are welcome.

Hello again! This week has been a tremendous stew of rumor and intrigue, hasn’t it? There were manny rumors floating about, mostly concerning the disgruntled Boston Red Sox left fielder Manny Ramirez. According to Old No. 7, this is nothing new. Seven has been a part of the Red Sox Nation since 2003’s tragic “Aaron Fucking Boone” incident, and in his words, “I like Manny, he got us 2 rings, but it may be time to go.” We’ll touch on this later, but first let’s discuss the other moves made in the last 24 hours. Shall we?

First up was the hated New York Yankees. Looking for a steady bat to replace the injured Jorge Posada, the Yanks scored a sweet little deal that almost nobody saw coming. In sending Kyle Farnsworth to Detroit, New York picked up certain Hall of Famer Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez. This was a surprise to many, and certainly strengthens an already resurgent Yankee squad. Pudge will prove to be a much improved bat over a defensive minded Jose Molina.

The second big trade was made earlier today when the Reds of Cincinnati sent Ken “the Kid” Griffey, Jr. to the Chicago White Sox for two minor leaguers. Surprisingly, the White Sox are expecting the 38 year-old future Hall of Famer to patrol center field at U.S. Cellular Field. The oft-injured Griffey was once the best defensive center fielder in the game, but with age comes brittle ligaments; this should be interesting.

Finally we have the swollen, bulbous, veiny, throbbing, erection that is “The Manny Ramirez Trade Rumors”. Late last night, while I was scanning the sports wire for future stories to cut and paste for your reading pleasure, our Boston Bureau Chief, Old No. 7, sent me a frantic text from deep inside the bowels of Fenway Park. “He pulls this shit every year,” he said. “Manny being Manny is a complete, franchisewide (sic) mindset. If they moved on, got a young bat, and built around Papi & the kids, fine.” Apparently, loafing to first base on infield ground balls, urinating inside the Green Monster during pitching changes, and high fiving fans after catches in left fieEdild is perfectly acceptable behavior for a $20 million franchise player.

Throughout the past 24 hours, I have neglected my wife and young son, scouring all outlets of baseball-related sources to be the first to break the impending blockbuster. The teams rumored to be interested in the services of the immensely talented, but playfully juvenile Dominican were rumored to be the Florida Marlins, the New York Mets, and (not-so-seriously) the Los Angeles Dodgers. The stage was set, my clothing was on the ground, and I was ready to pounce on the first syllable out of Peter Gammon’s mouth as if it were the nymphomaniac love child of Rue McClanahan and Mike Scioscia. Then came this buzzkill from 7 (again): “I’m telling you it’s nothing new. He’s a baby, and every once in a while he throws tantrums. When they don’t trade him, he goes back to mashing like before.”

Boner: gone.

Could this be true? Have I swallowed the hype from the four-letter network, hook, line, and sinker?

Back to the blogwire.

Manny to the Marlins, Jeremy Hermida or Josh Willingham (and some minor leaguers) to the Pirates, Jason Bay to the Red Sox. That was the deal that was supposed to happen anyway. I don’t know the details of why it didn’t work, but today I ate a PB&J while watching the clock expire on trade deadline 2008 without a Manny movement (Editor’s Note: Is that what he calls his dumps?). Seven was right.

Wrong! I don’t know how, but the LA Dodgers (pronounced Los Doy-ers in Humberto’s neck of the woods) somehow managed to swing a biggie. Details as follows: The Dodgers get attention-starved Manny Ramirez from Boston. The Pirates get Andy LaRoche and Bryan Morris from the Dodgers and Craig Hanson and Brandon Moss from Boston. The Red Sox receive the coveted Jason Bay from Pittsburgh. Wowsers. In addition, Boston will pay the remaining $7 million Ramirez is owed this season. Sure smells like Boston wanted to get rid of Manny to me! The ramifications are endless. How will Jeff Kent welcome Manny to the Dodger clubhouse? How will Joe Torre manage this clubhouse? Does LA even care? What will Red Sox Nation do without their patron saint? Was Jason Bay the secret weapon Boston desperately needed to avoid a sweep at the hands of Los Anaheim earlier this week?

React to me, House of Georges. React to me.