Baseball in the Gay Time: A.J. Pierzynski Continues Reign As Prince of Doucheville

I was pretty fired up during Sunday's match between the Sox of White and the hometeamn town Kansas City Royals. For a division rival that typically has my team's number (Editor's Note: Please. Take a moment to think up your own what-team-doesn't-typically-have-the-Royals-number joke. Got it? Good.), I actually have liked the Sox on occasion since I was a kid. I rooted for them in '05, and well, whatever. I haven't really cared for them much since, though. I think at one point, I even stood up for A.J. Pierzynksi in some random message board discussion. But then he developed a beef with Zack Greinke, and the two have almost gotten after it in the last year and-a-half. Now? The bleach-blond sac's address and cell phone number, just after the jump.

What? You didn't really fall for that, did you? Either way, one thing that's been overlooked about this anti-climactic bench clearer, was that Pierzynski was, on tape of course, issuing weird sequences of signs in directions indicating high and inside just before D.J. Carrasco threw at Miguel Olivo for the third, consecutive pitch, the one that hit him. Olivo charges, but settles down like he's got a 90-second round's worth of time, and finds himself contained by GayJay Pierzynski. The great part was that he winded up punching the catcher on the skulltop, but things were not done. A few minutes later, Carrasco, Olivo, and the totally sane Ozzie Guillen having been ejected, Greinke plunks Nick Swisher on the thigh, and Greinke and Trey Hillman are tossed. I get why. There were warnings, etc., but I still say bullshit.

So the league decides to levy the punishments today: Greinke and Olivo get five games; Guillen gets two and a fine; Hillman gets one and a fine; and Carrasco and Pierzynski get nothing.

Golden.

And pay no attention to Slick Ozzie lending us a bit of his secret recipe for acting like an ass. Of course the suspended Royals are appealing the suspensions, allowing them to remain on the active roster for the time being, but that's just swimmingly awesome. Take our first-in-the-rotation starter, our backup catcher, and toss them for a cinco. May you slip on a McDonald's bag, and sever an artery, Bud Selig.