Golf In The Daytime: Playoff!!?!
No, today's big weekday afternoon sporting event is the anachronistic 18-hole playoff for the U.S. Open title, featuring two dudes named Tiger and Rocco. Those are actually their real names--Rocco was born with his while the erstwhile Eldrick had his legally changed in 1996.
After the jump we'll go over a little viewer's guide for the event, broken into a handy and fun little FAQ-style format. For instance:
Golf is fucking lame and you people that like it are fags. Why are you wasting our time with this crap? These are all excellent points. Televised golf is certainly one of those love-it-or-hate-it sort of sports, and if you hate it you really hate it. It's extremely easy to call it snobby, elitist, boring, or environmentally irresponsible. It's also fun to say "It's not a real sport" or "Tiger's knee injury is a joke--hockey players skate for hours on a broken leg." Again, perfectly valid and legitimate. I apologize for wasting your time, please go back to your child porn and Youtube videos of bum fights.
Now that we're free of the riff-raff, how do I watch the playoff? I'm at work. Yes, the day job. Bane of us civilized golficcianados. If you have a Slingbox, you're already well on the way to blowing off your TPS reports in your cube. There's also some gimmick called ESPN360 that allegedly lets you tune in on your computer, but it looks like a pay service and your ISP needs to support it.
My ISP does not, and my Slingbox is on the fritz. I do have access to a TV in spurts on the upper floor of my building, but going to that well to often may make me unemployed--which would allow me to watch all the daytime sports I like but deny me the ability to pay my cable bill. If you have XM you can tune in to the audio feed on 146, and there's always the time-honored tradition I'll be employing this afternoon: Taking a long, late lunch and hitting the sports bar. It's in the hole!
Update: I'm hearing a rumor that you'll be able to watch live on usopen.com. I'll keep you posted as to the validity of this.
Second Update: By gosh it works! How often does that happen? An actual fan-friendly feature that doesn't cost an arm and a leg? The only thing missing is the "Boss Button" that CBS included in its online coverage of the NCAA tournament, which displayed a generic spreadsheet when Lumberg came around.
Will you live-blog it? Not likely. As I said, I'm trying to keep my job. I also doubt I could ever challenge the excellence of Jason Sobel, who's been killing it all week and is one of ESPN's few true rock-star employees.
Does Rocco have a chance? Of course. He has two big things going in his favor--one is the bum knee of his opponent and two is the steady, conservative style of play he's more than comfortable employing. Rocco played perfectly yesterday, especially once he grabbed the lead. For the most part he quit attacking pins and played for par, and had Tiger not pulled off both a brilliant third shot and clutch putt on 18 he would have won the tournament.
That being said, I still think he's screwed. He's playing Tiger Woods, in a situation tailor-made to burnish his legacy. Winning the U.S. Open in a playoff on one leg, and needing 30- and 80-foot eagle putts, a chip-in birdie and a long birdie putt on the 72nd hole to do it--that's what Tiger lives for these days. Well, that and earning enough money to ensure leisure for his great-great-great-great-great-great-grandkids and laying pipe to the hottest wife on Earth. If you're into those sorts of things.
How bad is Tiger's knee? What am I, an orthopedic surgeon? I actually think that the severity of the injury is being augmented a little. He had surgery a month ago and I'm sure it's sore, and it is painful to do what he needs to do with a sore knee--hike 5+ miles over uneven terrain, stopping intermittently to unleash the highest-torque, most-athletic swing movement the world has ever seen. But the wincing and collapsing after tee shots, I think some of that is for effect.
What about Rocco's back? I actually think this could play a bigger role. The guy's 45 and has had back surgery, and it could flare up at any time. bad backs are no joke. In case you needed another reminder of the age difference between these two guys...
What the fuck is up with Rocco's Bill Parcell's pants? Every time you try to make the argument that these guys are athletes, you get Duffy Waldorf showing up in his ridiculous gear, or Rocco sporting a FUPA. Professional "athletes" playing professional "sports" don't wear high-waisted pants and employ peace-sign belts as gunt-equators.
OK, seriously, what's happening? Rocco botched his par putt on 1, and Tiger took a one-shot lead. After both parred the second, Tiger buried his tee shot on the par-3 third in the bunker, a miserable fried-egg lie. Rocco followed this by a magnificent blast, which rolled to within a foot or two. He missed an ace by a half an inch. Jaw-dropping. Tiger got out quite well but rolled his par putt by, and the two-shot swing gave Rocco a lead of one stroke. Both are in the rough on 4.
Update: My video is now acting spotty. It's possible that the millions of HoG readers logged on simultaneously, causing it to crash. If so, I hate you guys.
Second Update: It looks like any chance we had for a half-ass live-blog is shot. My guess is that once America learned about the streaming web video it got crushed by traffic. I'll be off to the sports bar in no time--thanks for tuning in.
3 comments:
Today's Hall of Fame exhibition doesn't count on BITDT? I figured it would hold a place in your heart do to it's location near your place of birth.
I forgot about it, but when all is said and done no, exhibitions played by the Padres don't count.
I always wished my dad, who loved both golf and baseball, had chosen to stick me in golf.
He'd have me go hit buckets of balls behind our house. But he never once took me to a course. And I sucked at baseball.
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