Up in the Nosebleeds: Soccer is for Hooligans

Welcome back to Up In the Nosebleeds, the semi-regular, soon-to-be-forgotten feature on the HoG. We’ll give some attention to obscure, niche sports that get pushed aside by the mainstream, like competitive bass fishing, cow tipping and racing.

Think Cheap Seats, only not on ESPN Classic and without the twin brothers who bone each other.






In this edition of UitN, we'll have a look at futbol, or, as we ignorant Americans call it, soccer. A couple of noteworthy items happened over the weekend in the mighty world of soccer.



First, at Soldier Field, Tank Johnson Googled the unemployment office team U.S.A. gave American chefs ammo for their cooks and dishdogs all over the country by knocking off Mexico 2-1 in the Gold Cup final. In case you didn't know, the Gold Cup is the championship tournament for North and Central America and the Caribbean. It was exciting. Landon Donovan was there,

as were many sharply painted dressed fans.

In Major League Soccer play, the defending MLS Cup champion Houton Dynamo staved off the feisty Eddie Johnson and the Kansas City Wizards, allowing the New England Revolution to somewhat solidify its Eastern Conference lead over the New York Red Bulls (not a typo) and Kansas City, while Houston gained some ground on Dallas in the West.

Finally, fan and media voting for the 2007 MLS All-Star game closed today. The contest will pit the MLS All-Stars against the Scottish Premier League Champions Celtic FC at Dick's Sporting Goods Park in Commerce City, Colorado,

a measty matchup not to be missed, as Colorado is home to only intelligent fans, hot slender women, and honest-to-goodness athletic competition.

That's it for this installment of Up in the Nosebleeds. We'll now open the comment box for you hoardes of mad, raving soccer fans to show us how all things soccer really done.



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Up In The Nosebleeds: The HoG's Mostly Uniformed College World Series Preview

Welcome back to Up In The Nosebleeds, the HoG's semi-regular, soon-to-be-forgotten feature in which we give some attention to obscure niche sports that get pushed aside by the mainstream. Like competitive bass fishing, cow tipping and ice hockey. Think Cheap Seats, only not on ESPN Classic and without the twin brothers who bone each other.


The College World Series starts today in Omaha, Nebraska. This has always been one of those events that some people are really, really into and most everybody else is completely unaware of. I have primarily fallen into the latter category, although the last half-decade has drawn me closer and closer to amateur baseball. Most of it is armchair scouting, seeing which top-flight college players may be lighting up big league diamonds in a few years. But I’ve come to appreciate the college game for its own merits, so long as I turn the sound on the TV down (PING!).

One fellow that truly follows the ins and outs of the college game is my cousin Brian. He graduated from Cal-State Fullerton, a school you may not be aware of unless you either live in Southern California or watch collegiate baseball. Fullerton has won four CWS titles, the last in 2004, and sent a slew of players to the pros (among them Phil Nevin, Chad Cordero, Mark Kotsay, Aaron Rowand, Brent Mayne and Jeremy Giambi). Brian grew up playing ball in the same Orange County neighborhood as the baseball Boones, including ex-Angel catcher Bob, second baseman Brett, Red Sox killer Aaron and Brian’s high school teammate Matt. He’s also a staunch Libertarian and would like to encourage you to vote for Ron Paul in the 2008 presidential election.

I asked Brian to assist me in breaking down the CWS, which he agreed to do. I was unable to extract actual predictions from him—I believe his exact phrase was “I’m no Nostradamus.” He did, however, fill me in on all manner of background of college baseball, albeit hopelessly slanted toward his antigovernment SoCal stance.

Virtually every last bit of good baseball in America is played in or directly sourced from California, I learned. The kids there play it year round and the ones that don’t make it at one of their colleges end up at second-tier institutions like Arizona State. The girls are prettier, the weather better, and the residents richer and more successful than where you live.

So, I don’t know what to tell ya. I’m going to watch, and I’ve got bandwagon seats in coach for both Fullerton and Arizona State (my father-in-law’s alma mater). I hear that Rice, North Carolina, ASU and defending champ Oregon State are pretty loaded, so keep an eye out for them. And pay attention to the Comments, where some dude from Arvada will no doubt dazzle you with his new favorite team (since Long Beach State, Arizona, Kansas, Southern Illinois, Colorado, Auburn, Slippery Rock and Lamar Community College failed to qualify).

I suppose, with a gun to my head, I’ll take ASU over Carolina in the final. Read more

Up In The Nosebleeds: To Catch A Predator

And so begins yet another semi-regular, soon-to-be-forgotten feature in the HoG, Up In The Nosebleeds. In it we’ll give some attention to obscure, niche sports that get pushed aside by the mainstream, like competitive bass fishing, cow tipping and ice hockey.

Think Cheap Seats, only not on ESPN Classic and without the twin brothers who bone each other.

It’s time to break down the event that happens on Saturday. No, not the Kentucky Derby, although the Run For The Roses does hold its own allure. It remains the only sporting contest that I regularly watch with my mom. Mom, for all of her puritanical opposition to drinking, drugs, porn and gambling, is a fiend at the track. She grew up within spittin’ distance of Saratoga Springs and has been wagering on the ponies since she was but a wee lass. But I digress.

No, men, the big happening on Saturday is the fight pitting Oscar De La Hoya and Floyd Mayweather Jr. in mortal combat (warning: link contains shirtless dudes). At the house of the House of Georges, we’ll have that bad boy purchased on pay-per-view. The Coronas will be flowing and the guacamole dipping for Cinco De Mayo, and we’ll almost certainly watch De La Hoya win another big fight—just a hunch.

But the big highlight for me will almost certainly be the appearance of Mayweather’s dad, Floyd Sr. This old-timer is the most extreme example of one of my favorite phenomena: Athletic Figures That Look Like The Predator.

I don’t mean to date myself, but I loved Predator. It came out back in 1987, when Schwarzenegger was in his prime, but the supporting cast was what made the movie. Apollo Creed was in there, as was the Governor Of Minnesota, and this big bad ass alien with a fucked-up grill and goofy dreads. He could become invisible and shoot lasers and shit, and apparently he can also train world-class fighters:



And play basketball:



(Courtesy of Pulled My Groin)

And football:



Please feel free to submit your own examples in the comments. I think this could someday become its own web site, like this.

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