Baseball in the Daytime: 4-16-09

Twas the second Thursday of the season, when all through the league, some pitchers tossed well, while some showed fatigue. And what to my wondering eyes hath appeared, but some afternoon baseball, the matches all tiered. You get the drift. Your slate, clean and shiny, post-jump.

Marlins @ Braves, 11:10 Central: Our first matchup is one of two pre-nooners, so we gotta hustle. I recommend you try reading this in your best auctioneer's voice. On the hill for the visitors is Anibal Sanchez who's nickname might be "Dirty." Whether it is or not, he's getting his first start of the season after tossing five scoreless innings against Los Mets el otro dia. His right arm will battle the right arm of Kenshin Kawakami, who I think is of Asian descent. He logged a win last week in his first major-league start, but it was against the Nationals, so, toss a grain of salt in that carry-on. Catch what nobody is calling the Floridian Venezuelan-Japanese showdown on DirecTV 721, 722, or on XM 183

Astros @ Pirates, 11:35: In another bout between teams I could't care less for, it's Russ Ortiz on the hill for the Astros, Jeff Karstens for Las Piratas. Whaddayou wanna know? They're both righties, it's Ortiz's first start, and Karstens made the roster by beating out a guy named Virgil, which ain't exactly braggin' rights. DirecTV calls the shots on 723 and 737, while XM weighs ways in on 184.

Indians @ Yankees, 1:05: The pesky Indians escaped from Kansas City with a win yesterday, but they'll really be tested against the Pinstripes, who'll send CheeseburgerCheeseburger Sabathia to the mound. Cleveland calls on Cliff Lee. This will either be a fantastic pitching duel, a realization by all that both guys are overrated, or a good kindergarten-room example of fat versus skinny. The tilt's on DirecTV 724 and 736. Also find it on XM 176.

Cardinals @ Cubs, 1:20: We cap it off with a good old-fashioned, hate-fueled rivalry of the N.L. Central. Adam Wainwright and the Redbirds grapple with lefty Sean Marshall and the Baby Bears. Tune in to DTV 725 or 726, depending on which side of the Miss' you live on, or just have a listen on XM one eight five.

You know the rules: Mask your emotions, act like you're working, and when you slip out for a shot at the bar across the street, leave a shooter for the co-worker that goes "on break" after you.