We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Quality Starts

It's an illusion. You think you've seen this one before, but you haven't. This feature, once heralded as our most famously "read," has nothing but unique content, top to bottom, every week. No joshin'.

Anyway, as you may have noticed, it's baseball season, and there're a few things to keep in mind as you begin plugging through these arduous spring months. They're simple things, like, for example, don't give Jim Thome a measty heater in the bottom of the eighth with two men on when trying to protect a one-run lead. Things like that. There's some other items to consider, and I've got faith in y'all, that you know just where to look.

Alexis Texas



A week ago this afternoon, Cecil climbed into the WAHCW saddle, and spoke of Texas. Texas, if you will, is that division opponent you're gonna see a hundred times before September closes. Get used to it. Adore it, even.

Ashlynn Letizza



The stance in the batter's box hasn't yet been renamed the Letizza stance, and it may never be. But the point is that you've gotta find a mix, a productive one, even that embodies what you've learned all your life, and what your hitting coach is telling you now. Listen.

Brittany Binger



When I was of the age that most big-leaguers are now, a binger was Michael Phelpsian, something you ripped from a "water pipe." A binger can also be a jack, or a heater. Depends on your perspective.

Jaclyn Case



If we're gonna talk stance, Jaclyn Case, in point, if you will.

Kagney Linn Karter



For you young pitchers: Every time you deliver a gem and it works, and you think to yourself, "I should give 'em another identical round sphere just like that last one," I'm hear to tell you to do it. Great successes often come in pairs.

Kaytee Bees



Some are born with the genes meant for delivering the off-speed pitch. Some are born with the genes, and the name, to get naked. Just sayin'.

Kerry Ann Cusumano



You're a pitcher. You gotta guy on base and your fielder ain't coverin' the bag 'cause he's focused on the hitter. You gotta do the same.



Now, if the base runner is one Kerry Ann Cusumano, that's a whole 'nother ball game. Do as you please.



And if she's leadin' off in a way that just ain't right, I'm not gonna lie: I see Tommy John surgery in your very immediate future. For reals.

Lauren Reese



You got someone hoggin' the plate? Give 'em some chin music. You know what I'm talkin' about.

Missy Robinson



One thing's for certain: If you're toein' that slab, you better have the look. Or else.

Natalia Salloum



With the look comes the necessity to deliver. And proper delivery preparation requires proper stretching. Don't skip it. Ever.

Nikki Rhodes



You gotta loosen up all those muscles. Even the ones you don't think you use in throwing fastballs.

Nikki Ryan



From the viewer's perspective, it might look like all fun and games out there, but it ain't.

Sara Jean Underwood



This shit is serious,



I guar-on-tee.

Sindi Bertherton



You never know what some folks are hidin' beneath the surface.

Sophie Rousse



There's always trickery and deceit simmering in someone's viles.

Lindsay Marie



But if you take one thing away from this lesson, o' youth of the MLB rotations, let it be this:



The only thing you need out there is some consistency.



You jive well with your catcher?



Good.



Make it so's you know when he's gotta poop.



Got a feeling you're aware when it's time to be okay with middle relief taking over?



Don't fight it.



Are you gonna stress out about your personal numbers?



I'm beggin' you not to.



Anxious you might let the team down?



Let it go.



Even when you've had consecutive great outings,



when that one blip comes up, fuh-get about it.



Your teammates already have.



They know the magic number's 162.



They have a rough idea of how many more starts you have to pop that blip like an annoying blister.



They're counting on you to do the same.



You gotta take that hill with every start you're awarded, and deliver your product.



No matter the occasion.

That's it for today, kids. Don't forget to fondle your rosin bag and stare longingly at the crotch that's 60'6" directly in front of you.

We'll be here all season.