Lineup Against the Wall: Boston Red Sox

The ridiculousness of my doing this one, when No. 7 is about the biggest Red Sox homer in the Four Corners area, is beyond belief. But that was the point of this exercise, to get us out of our comfort zones, to challenge our assumptions, to put us in positions where the public at large can laugh at the shallow nature of our analysis.

Babe Ruth's first team after the jump.

The one-time also-rans of Boston have put together one hell of a run this decade--they've won at least 90 games every year since 2002, with the exception of '06. During that time they've also taken home the World Series title twice, in '04 and '07.

Their young GM is probably the best in the game, their fans are passionate to the point of actual rabidity and they have one of the coolest logos in the league. The current club is stacked. They have bats, they have arms, they have last year's AL MVP (Dustin Pedroia) they have prospects who would be stars on other clubs waiting in the minors (Clay Buchholz) and they stand as good a chance as any to win yet another title this year.

But I'm gonna pick them to finish second in the division. Reasons why following starting lineup:

Catcher -- Jason Varitek
First Base -- Kevin Youkilis
Second Base -- Dustin Pedroia
Third Base -- Mike Lowell
Shortstop -- Jed Lowrie
Left Field -- Jason Bay
Center Field -- Jacoby Ellsbury
Right Field -- J.D. Drew
DH -- David Ortiz

Starting Pitchers:

Josh Beckett (R)
Daisuke Matsuzaka (R)
Jon Lester (L)
Tim Wakefield (R)
Brad Penny (R)

Relief Pitchers:

Justin Masterson (R)
Takashi Saito (R)
Hideki Okajima (L)
Manny Delcarmen (R)
Javier Lopez (L)

Closer:

Jonathan Papelbon (R)

Bottom Line: The Red Sox are, as I mentioned earlier, fucking stacked. Rocco Baldelli, who they just picked up this offseason, is a wicked backup with ability pouring out his nostrils who could steal real playing time at any outfield spot. Varitek has seen better days, as has Don't-Say-Steroids Ortiz, but they still have some pop and plenty of guys who are just plain-ass good hitters, like Youk and the aforementioned midget MVP.

But they'll finish second to the New York Yankees for one reason: Mark Teixeira.

If the Sox had picked up Mr. Consistency, I'd have picked them in a heartbeat. He would have been the Manny replacement, the big bat in the middle of the order. The fact that they didn't land him hurt; the fact that he went to the Yankees hurt worse. I could be easily proved wrong by this, but for now...

Projected Finish: 2nd in AL East