Lineup Against the Wall: New York Yankees

It's easy to hate the Yankees. No reason to even drag out the numbers. They've won more than anyone, spent more than anyone, get more attention than anyone and consistently offer more media-friendly drama sessions than anyone.

It's the team of Ruth and Gehrig, of Mantle and Maris. Reggie Jackson and Billy Martin. The former Highlanders, the pinstriped enemy of baseball at large. Fuck the Yankees, yes, but do so knowing that, at any time, they can clench their buttcheeks together and rip your dick off.

Their '09 squad and chances after the jump.

The last few years the New Yorkers have underachieved, and we've all had to hear about it--Christ, it's almost worse when they lose. Anytime this team doesn't take a World Series and spend the next few months face-deep in a pile of cocaine and astroglide, big spending and off-season drama are sure to follow.

Sure enough, A-Roid made out with himself in a mirror, Joe Torre broke some supposedly inviolate code of the clubhouse and Brian Cashman paid C.C. Sabathia the gross national product of Paraguay.

But I'll address the Steinbrenners' biggest addition--teased in the previous post!--after the starting lineup:

Catcher -- Jorge Posada (S)
First Base -- Mark Teixeira
Second Base -- Robinson Cano
Third Base -- Cody Ransom
Shortstop -- Derek Jeter
Left Field -- Johnny Damon
Center Field -- Brett Gardner
Right Field -- Xavier Nady
DH -- Hideki Matsui

Starting Pitchers:

CC Sabathia (L)
A.J. Burnett (R)
Chien-Ming Wang (R)
Andy Pettitte (L)
Joba Chamberlain (R)

Relief Pitchers:

Damaso Marte (L)
Brian Bruney (R)
Edwar Ramirez (R)
Jonathan Albaladejo (R)
Jose Veras (R)

Closer:

Mariano Rivera (R)

Bottom Line: As usual, the Yankees look like champions on paper, but this year they actually have the spine to live up to it--Tex is going to be a massive influence on that lineup. He's steady, he's drama-free. A-Rod will miss the first few weeks, but once he returns, that's two legitimate 35+ homer threats in a deep, deep lineup bolstered by (potentially) the best starting pitching in baseball. Their bullpen ain't that hot, and Rivera is running on fumes, but, as loyal reader/patron of Arizonan glory holes Rustoleum would say: count it.

Projected Finish: 1st in AL East