Thursday ThumbTubes & YouNails: 10-2-08

Shucks. I reckoned it to be time for another installment of ThumbTubes and YouNails. Baseball playoffs, a quarter of football gone already, hockey pre-season (Editor's Note: Don't worry; haven't included any today. It's safe to keep reading.), etc. For those of you that are unfamiliar with this feature, it goes a little something like this: We upload that same crappy attempt at PhotoShoppage for the header, then troll the GoreNets looking for interesting stories we can link to and steal pictures for. We then repeat the process for video clips. Believe it or not, it actually is a tedious feature, but perhaps that's the price we pay for unoriginality. Still interested? Jump ahead.

Every once in a while, a fabulous idea comes along that embodies a hybrid of awesomeness. Like lingerie football.



This story comes to us from MachoChip via With Leather. Read about it, and check out some more pictures here.

And because we're talking football, we might as well drop the Al Davis press conference.



Okay. Well, it's kinda footbally.

(clip courtesy of The Sports Hernia)

You know what's really, really footbally, though? This kid:



He wears number one, and he's a nine-year old monster. The clip comes to us from Bar Stool Sports, and yes, the Tubes are responsible for that music, if you wanna call it that.

The Big Lead points us in the direction of College Game Balls, who shows us a game-day sign that didn't quite make SportsCenter.



Is that Erin Andrews wearing #1? No? Well...it'd be a lot cooler if it was...

When Deuce of Davenport is not getting all na-nah over Najeh, they're covering lots of other stories. Like currentish Met/former Royal Ambiorix Burgos, who, um, might be looking for another club for whom to pitch. Like a jail team.



Damn it, Ambiorix. Where was this insanity when we were doing the "Stay Classy, Kansas City" series? Either way, you stay classy, bro.

In baseball news involving teams still playing baseball in America today, check out this guy:



Um. Wow.

(clip courtesy of Big League Stew)

Babes Love Baseball has called up a few writers from their practice squad. One of them is Marea, and she is begging for Old No. 7's prediction to not come true. You know, in a roundabout sort of way.

Finally, there's Fire Joe Morgan, who, as always, have the angle on what's really important.



Have a read.

And those, guys and gals, are your Tubes and Nails deemed Houseworthy for this first Thursday of Rocktober. Have a good one.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 10-2-08, The Dawn Of The Bay-Ray Century

What if, dear reader, we look back upon today as the start of something entirely new? The onset of a fresh vision in baseball, an era in which all of the old truths become false--black is white, up is down. All of the traditional powers stink--goodbye Yankees, Red Sox, Cardinals, hello Pirates, Royals, Reds. And hello Tampa, the vanguard of this movement.

Today, for the first time in the shit history of the franchise, the Bay-Rays will participate in a playoff game. The team is stocked full of all sorts of fun baseball goodies. They have deep starting pitching, a lights-out bullpen, first-round phenoms at almost every position hitting their collective strides simultaneously. They are young and they are cheap. It's baseball's perfect storm.

I don't know what they'll do this year--baseball is the hardest sport to project because postseason experience has become meaningless. The '02 Angels, the '05 White Sox, both Marlins champs, none of these teams had that core of vets that had been there. Last year's Colorado club was fresh out of baseball kindergarten yet made the Series. Can Tampa run the table this year? Why not?

I only wonder what happens to this team down the road. Can they keep it together? Will they spend money? Will their fair-weather fans put down the meth pipe and attend games? If so, the Bay-Rays are in the midst of a window of opportunity. Take advantage, man. Today's matinee games, after the jump...

Chicago @ Tampa, Game 1, 12:30 Mountain After their roller-coaster week, in which they had to play back-to-back one-game eliminators to qualify, the White Sox hand the bal to Javier Vazquez at the Trop. James Shields represents the home team, as Manager of the Millennium Joe Maddon matches wits with certified psychopath Ozzie Guillen. Don't miss the action on TBS, home of FrankTV.

Milwaukee @ Philadelphia, Game 2, 4:00 The Phils took Game 1 3-1 as actually fuck this--did you see that Cubs game? Holy Christ. Now they send Big Z up against the Dodgers' best pitcher in a must win Game 2 at Wrigley? Wow. If we have to discuss the Brewers game, here's C.C. Sabathia against Brett Myers. One is deserving of the Cy Young for half a season's work, the other beats his wife on the streets of Boston. Don't leave any bruises, and Play Ball!
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This Blog Is Still Not About Politics, But...

...it'd be nice if you voted, sports fans and boob oglers. That is all.

Rock the vote.
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We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: How Swede It Is

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Orange County Boogaloo: An Angels-Red Sox Preview

This ain't no Baseball In The Daytime--this is MLB's showcase series and therefore TBS will show all the games under the lights. But this matchup does contain some personal relevance here at the HoG, due to old allegiances. On-again off-again baseball analyst Captain Feverpiss has his take on his Angels, my Red Sox and the state of the elections. Enjoy.

Old No. 7: Your team was eliminated by the Red Sox in 2004 and 2007. Both times the Angels were swept, and both times the Red Sox went on to a world title. When it was confirmed that the matchup was once again Los Anaheim-Boston, what was your reaction? Are you thrilled to get another shot?

Captain Feverpiss: My reaction has been mixed. Have the Red Sox had our number for the past three playoff series? Yes. Have the Red Sox won 7 straight postseason games against us? Yes. That being said, I have much more confidence this year due to our overall supremacy against the Sox. We swept them at home and away for the first time ever. We demoralized Ben Affleck and forced Stephen King to write romance novels. I wouldn't say I'm thrilled to "get another shot," I'd say I'm thrilled we have a stronger team than in years past and that the Sox are limping in a bit. The absence of Manny Ramirez helps as well. I always hated having to pitch to either him or Ortiz (or both) the way they stacked the lineup. Without steroids or Manny, Ortiz has proven that he's not all that dangerous.

7: Who's the most important Angels player in this series? What about for the Red Sox?

Feverpiss: For the Angels I think there is a need for a role player to step up. Who will it be? I don't know. I think we need Garrett Anderson, Mike Napoli, Howie Kendrick or Chone Figgins to step up and help the stars (Vlad, Hunter and Teixeira) carry the load. Role players seem to provide that extra edge in a closely matched battle like this. Vlad has not been a big component in the playoffs throughout his career. Hopefully Teixeira will be as good as he's been in the regular season. In my mind, the difference maker will be the Angels' ability to score runs. I think it will be up to a role player to punch out of the mold and get us that extra spark.

Dustin Pedroia is the one to watch on the Red Sox. He's a catalyst that can get their offense moving quickly. If Pedroia can do what he's done all season, get on base and score runs, the Angels are in for a long series.

7: How do you think the new veterans (Torii Hunter and Mark Teixeira) will hold up in the crucible of the ALDS? What about the kids (Erick Aybar and Howie Kendrick)?

Feverpiss: I see no reason for concern that the "crucible" will test any of these players. Hunter has been there before, many times. He's a guy with a good sense of humor and should keep things light on the younger guys. Teixeira hasn't been tested on this stage, however all accounts point to the fact that the guy is an adult, a diplomat, and has ice water in his veins. Howie Kendrick would be a guy who I might be concerned about a little, but he's so damn good at making solid contact that I think he'll keep a cool head and do his job.

7: What are you most worried about in Game 1?

Feverpiss: Getting out of the gates early and scoring runs. We have to strike early and often. I know Frankie Rodriguez had a great year and earned some sort of record, but I don't want to see the ball in his hand in Game 1. I need a blow out of epic proportions to be comfortable.

7: You guys have the best road record in the majors--in fact, you went 50-31 both in Anaheim and away from your park. Does this team have any concerns about travelling to Fenway this year or are Games 3 and 4 just run-of-the-mill contests?

Feverpiss: Game 3 will not be just a "run-of-the-mill" contest. Every game these guys play will be vitally important to them and regardless of the Fenway dominance this season, it will be no easy contest. Game 4, if necessary, will be crucial because it will mean that we are either putting the Sox away, or setting a positive tempo for the plane ride home for game 5.

7: Will K-Rod be a Met next season? If so, will Scott Shields close? Jose Arredondo?

Feverpiss: Shields should get it due to seniority. Arredondo is great, but unproven. Arredondo will make a great set up guy next season. Look for Jepsen during the series as well. He may be a key bullpen guy next season.

If there is any justice in the world, K-Rod will be a Met next season and never make another postseason appearance in his career.

7: Is Ervin Santana's resurgence for real? Do you think Joe Saunders will be a sturdy playoff starter? Are you guys going with a four-man rotation or will Lackey come back for Game 4?

Feverpiss: I believe Ervin's resurgence is the real deal. He's always had great stuff, he just always seemed to fall short of expectations as if he was overwhelmed. Maybe the correct analogy would be that Santana was overwhelmed like Jim J. Bullock at his first bukkakke.

Saunders is solid. He won't strike many out (last Sunday's 9 K performance was a fluke), but he'll eat innings and give the Angels a chance to win.

Lackey will be back for game 4, Scoscia doesn't have much confidence in Garland or Weaver right now.

7: In your opinion, does Scoscia manage differently in the playoffs? Does he run differently, take more/fewer chances, use his bullpen strangely? Some guys are better regular season managers than postseason or vice versa, what's your take on your skip?

Feverpiss: I think Mike plays a slightly more aggressive tilt in the postseason. He doesn't necessarily gamble, but he takes an extra base here and there that he normally wouldn't in the regular season. Of course, he will always preach aggressive running on the basepaths, however Mike will tend to really try to take advantage of opportunities and try to open games up in the postseason.

7: I know I asked you earlier in the year about this team versus the 2002 Angels that won it all. How do you personally feel going into October this year, versus the other years you've made the playoffs? Are you more confident? This team seems awfully solid.

Feverpiss: There is much more expectation on this club. We basically went wire to wire, and we are much more talented. No doubt this team has a different style. The 2002 team had a totally different make up and won because they fought hard, not because of sheer talent.

7: OK, I need some predictions from you. Give me a winner for the other three series, the league championships and the World Series.

Feverpiss: Angels vs. Red Sox: Angels in 4.

Chicago vs. Tampa: Tampa in 5.

LA vs. Chicago: Cubs in 3.

Philly vs. Millewaukee: Philly in 4.

ALCS: Angels in 6.

NLCS: Cubs in 7.

World Series: Angels in 7.

Presidential Election: Obama by 8.

If the bailout is passed: Depression for 6 years.

If no government bailout takes place and companies are allowed to fail: Nasty 2 year recession.

7: I personally can't see an 8-point spread in the popular vote. I don't care what the polls say now, that's a pretty massive blowout when you consider where the popular vote has been over the last 20 or so years. If Obama wins it'll be by two or three. I look at electoral votes--if the vote were today I think Obama would take just over 300, with 270 needed to win. But if McCain keeps fucking up his campaign, it could be an electoral massacre with 340 or more for Barack. He's up right now in all the big swing states and could win Missouri, Indiana, North Carolina and Colorado as well. What does McCain have to do to keep it close? What can Obama do to put it away?

Feverpiss: If McCain were smart he'd try to figure out a way to flip flop and start trashing the bail out. I know that would be nearly impossible, but if he wants to win over the independent or swing voter--say no to the bailout.

If Obama wants to put it away, he should start reading Austrian economics and start quoting Mises and Hayek. He should let the McCain camp implode on itself and start talking about fiscal discipline, not entitlement expansion.

7: Ten four. I'll go this way:

ALDS: Red Sox in 5, White Sox in 5.

NLDS: I already took the Cubs and Phillies.

ALCS: White Sox in 6.

NLCS: Cubs in 4.

World Series: South Side over North Side, 7 games.
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More Playoff Baseball In The Daytime: Adorable Century Of Failure Edition

On the same horrible, horrible day that Cecil and I sat watching our Broncos lose at Arrowhead, there was a bit of good news. Cecil's fantasy baseball team captured the championship of the Ted Williams Unfrozen Head league over sometime HoG contributor Rustoleum. Now Rusto typically wins these things, and since he's a colossal dick he'll remind you of this fact. Cecil, on the other hand, had built quite a nice little pad for himself in the Ted's basement--until this year. This year his team had it all--power, speed, starters, relievers, you name it. They overcame their legacy of misery and took home the hardware.

As luck would have it, Cecil's also a Cubs fan. Figures. For now Chicago launches a playoff mission of its own, weighed down by 99 years of disappointment and the expectations of millions. It's a good thing that this Cub club is the finest gang of Chicago Nationals I've ever seen, and that they're probably the best team in baseball this year. Because if they don't bring this one home, mercy.

But first things first, the Dodgers are in town for Round 1. And the Dodgers are not exactly dripping with that most precious October commodity, starting pitching. Let's take a look at the other National League Division Series...

Los Angeles Dodgers @ Chicago Cubs, Game 1, 4:37 Mountain It just occurred to me that both Chicago clubs and both Los Angeles-area clubs made the tournament while neither NYC team qualified. Take that, ya East Coast pricks! Let's break down this series via nothing but gut reactions, stereotypes and innuendo--no facts, stats or logic allowed. Sort of the McCain-Palin method.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE DODGERS Where could I start? Tommy Lasorda, for one. As for shortcomings on the current team, though, you have to start with the starting pitching. If Derek Lowe is the best you can do with your Game 1 assignment you'd best be an outstanding offensive squad, which LA is not. Game 3 starter Hiroki Kuroda has been alternately marvelous and awful, and he has exactly as much postseason pitching experience in this country as I do. Other than Manny, there's no power. And then there's the famously apathetic Chavez Ravine crowd, which pretty much does the opposite of creating any kind of playoff excitement.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE CUBS This list pretty much begins and ends with Alfonso Soriano. He's a crappy leadoff hitter. He strikes out too much. He's quite possibly the worst defensive baseball player of all time--I don't know if he can even play catch. He's also capable of hitting 10 homers and stealing 10 bases in this series. I really don't like anything about Alfonso Soriano.

What else? The up-the-middle defense of Soto, Theriot and Edmonds is merely average. You never want to really count on Kerry Wood. And Big Z has turned in some stinkers down the stretch. But then he also threw a no-hitter. Picking nits.

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE DODGERS I love Humberto, or at least I claim to so he doesn't murder my family. I love the fact that Rafael Furcal will play. I love the fact that Andruw Jones and Juan Pierre will not. I love the huge ass and filthy junk of Chad Billingsley, and I'm comfortable with the homoerotic overtones of that statement. But most of all, I love the Dodgers organization becoming a haven for refugees from the remains of the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry.

On one side there's Joe Torre, who seems a lot more likable now that he's awake and actually managing. Torre, who decimated Scott Proctor's arm in the Bronx, just left Proctor off the playoff roster. I'd say Torre's kind of an asshole for mistreating Scott Proctor, but do you know anyone that likes Scott Proctor? Exactly.

On the other side is owner Frank McCourt, who's from Boston and bought the Dodgers only after he couldn't afford the Sox. There's Lowe, of course. The Dodgers do give Nomar a paycheck, which is nice because the man needs to eat. And then there's Manny, who's only put up MVP numbers since his trade. I wasn't sure how I'd react to seeing Manny in another uniform, but the verdict is in--I'll always be a fan. Unless he takes Steinbrenner's money, in which case I'm turning Humberto loose on his family.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE CUBS Everything, dude. Their bench is great. Piniella is great. The atmosphere will be electric. Lee and Ramirez and Fukudome are pros. Harden can shut anyone down. Ryan Dempster had a great year, as did Mark DeRosa and Soto and almost everyone else. Cubs fans, the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.

Prediction: Cubs in 5.
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Baseball In The Daytime (Playoff Edition): 10-1-08

As Dane Cook once told America, there's only one October. And yet, here we are, barely a year later, with another one. What gives, Dane? You're already not funny and all of your movies stink, do you rally have to lie so brazenly?

Perhaps Dane was speaking of that bizarre phenomenon known as Rocktober. There is, almost certainly, only one of those.

And so today we embark upon the odyssey known as the Major League Baseball playoff tournament, in which eight deserving clubs unsheath swords and joust for a chance at the World Series. Because MLB is a money-grubbing whore farm, the games are dispersed according to perceived market value. The good thing is that we get a couple more instances of day baseball. The bad part is the shittiest series goes first. Jump with us, friends, for a preview of the Brewers and the Phillies game. Hell, we'll just go ahead and hype the whole series...

Milwaukee @ Philadelphia Game 1, 1:07 Mountain Playoff time is when all the lightweight morons who don't follow a sport all year show up. They invade your taverns and living room and pepper you with really dumb questions. Here are a few of those questions:

The Brewers made the playoffs? They sure did, although you could more accurately say that the Mets choked on a slightly smaller dick than in 2007. God bless the Mets. Their epic collapses have given us so much. Back-to-back NL East titles for the Phillies. The spunky Rockies edging out the lame ass Padres in last year's one-game playoff. And now, Milwaukee's first appearance in the postseason since 1982, which is a really long time.

I suppose it's worth noting that these Brewers can actually play a little baseball too. They're powered by a young lineup that can hit the ball a long way and also not hit the ball at all. It's almost as if they have nine Ryan Howards. They've got a little speed and they can't play defense. And their closer has been horrible lately. So, what I'm saying is, way to go Mets.

Will C.C. Sabathia start every game this series? It sure looks likely. Sabathia came over in a midseason trade and pitched in an MLB record 54 consecutive games, compiling a 38-1 record with 615 strikeouts (actually 11-2 with a 1.65 ERA in 17 starts). Really, he'll go in Game 2, his fourth consecutive call on three days rest. Brewers manager Dale Sveum is committed to destroying every fiber in Sabathia's arm just in time for him to sign a lucrative free agent contract with the New York Yankees.

Just how dumb is Dale Sveum? Oh, he's really dumb. He became the manager of this team two weeks ago and has lowered its collective IQ by 20 points. Ryan Braun, widely considered the dumbest player in baseball (he matriculated at the University of Miami), thinks that the Brewers have a chance if Sveum is told that the bullpen phone is covered in poison ivy.

When Sveum was the third-base coach under Grady Little in Boston, fans compiled the Wall of Sveum--a list of baserunners sent home who were thrown out by 20 feet. The list was long.

Are you going to say anything about the Phillies? Sure! Keep an eye out for Brad Lidge. He's come a long way from his monstrous home run served up to Albert Pujols in 2005. In fact, he was named Comeback Player of the Year yesterday, and award also known as Man You Used To Suck Really, Really Bad But This Year Not So Much. Lidge hasn't blown a save all year, but if today's game is close, and Prince Fielder comes up in the top of the ninth, and Lidge hangs a slider...all bets are off.

PREDICTION: Phillies in 4. Read more