The 2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs: Quarter-Finals Preview, Part II

National Hockey League playoff action kicked off last night with five games, each amazing in its own regard. Tonight, the three remaining series will get underway. Previews and predictions follow the jump, as do some stats and links of interest from the Tweeds. As for my predictions, on yesterday's games, well, if they were all decided on one game, I'd be 2-3. There's still plenty of hockey left in this first round for my horses to find their giddy-up, though, so I'll hold off on the face-palming. For now.

The Eastern Conference, tonight

In what could easily be called the biggest match of the first round, the third-seed Boston Bruins meet rival, six-seed Montreal Canadiens at 6 p.m. Central. Head Coach Claude Julien led his club to a Northeast Division-winning campaign, compiling 103 points (Montreal had 96), and saw the point production evenly distributed among his forwards. David Krejci led the way with 62 points, while defenseman Tomas Kaberle posted a four-goal, 43-assist season. In net for the Bs is Tim Thomas, who quietly put together a 2.00 goals-against average, and a .938 save percentage through 55 starts.

On the Habs side of things, Head Coach Jacques Martin has to be proud of a similarly even distribution in production from his club. Tomas Plekanec had a nice 22-goal, 35-assist season, while blue-liner James Wisniewski, despite having his face gashed open, amassed 51 points. Between the pipes for Montreal is Carey Price, who, through 70 starts, posted a 2.35 GAA, a .923 save percentage. The Canadiens have the edge in both the season series (4-2), and playoff history (24-8), although Boston made easy work of the Habs last post-season, eliminating them courtesy of a sweep. And, of course, I'd be remiss not mentioning a key aphrodisiac in this rivalry's spice cabinet.

The pick: Boston may have proved last season that they're beyond first-round chokes: Bs win in seven.

Thirty minutes after the action gets underway in Boston, the two-seed Philadelphia Flyers host the seven-seed Buffalo Sabres. Peter Laviolette's defending Eastern Conference champion Flyers saw his first three lines of forwards combine for an astronomical 480 points this season, while his defense held their own (Matt Carle alone tallied 40 points). Through 52 starts in net, Sergei Bobrovsky posted a 2.59 GAA, .915 save percentage, all while curiosity bubbled concerning his kinship to a certain animated-TV character.

While Philly took the Atlantic Division with 106 points, Buffalo was not too far behind in the Northeast, with 96 of their own. Head Coach Lindy Ruff -- the current third-longest-tenured coach in American professional sports, deserves credit for seeing his Sabres squad through several rebuilding phases, and now, courtesy of seasons like Thomas Vanek's (32 goals, 41 assists) and Tyler Myers' (37 points), looks to make another post-season push. The Sabres have none other than U.S. Olympic badass Ryan Miller (2.59 GAA, .916 save percentage) protecting the net, and will have his work cut out for him: Philadelphia took three of four against Buffalo during the regular season, and owns the playoff edge -- 5-3 -- against the Sabres as well.

The pick: Buffalo has made strides to their return of five-years-ago, 10-years-ago status, but the Flyers will be too much for them: Philly in six.

The Western Conference, tonight

The lone western series of the evening is an all-California dual. It gets going circa 9 p.m. Central, and features the two-seed San Jose Sharks against the seven-seed Los Angeles Kings. Bench boss Todd McLellan captained the Shark ship to a Pacific Division title, via 105 points, while Los Angeles was not far behind with 98. Leading the offensive charge for the Sharks is Patrick Marleau (37 goals, 36 assists), and Dan Boyle shores up the D with an impressive 50-point effort. Wielding the big stick and blocker pads for San Jose is Antti Niemi (2.38 GAA, .920 save percentage through 60 starts).

For the Kings, it's Terry Murray wearing the tie and carrying the grease board. His club was led by Anze Kopitar (73 points), and defenseman Jack Johnson (42 points). Jonathan Quick (2.24 GAA, .918 save percentage) roams the blue section of ice for L.A., and must be on point, given that San Jose took the season series at 3-1-2. This is the first post-season meeting for the two clubs, and if memory serves, the first time that four of five Pacific squads have qualified for tournament play, especially when one of them is not the Dallas Stars.

The pick: San Jose still has some playoff-choke kinks to work out of their skin: The Kings are this season's dark horse: L.A. in five.

NHLNewsNow's Twitter feed offers some insight into Philly/Buffalo.

Darren Pang tweets some interesting NHL television ratings spikes: "The top 5 NHL ratings growth on cable RSNs were: 1.St.Louis (+43%),Boston (+41%), 3Tampa Bay (+33%), 4. Dallas (+29%), 5. Nashville(+25%)."

Never a dull statistical moment from John Buccigross on Twitter:

* "Sabres: won last four games of regular season and 9-1-2 in last 12 games overall.

* "Sharks making seventh straight postseason appearance, the second-longest active streak in the NHL."

* "Anze Kopitar and Justin Williams hurt. Kopitar led the Kings in points with 73.. Williams was tied for second on the team with 57 points." (Editor's Note: So much for that dark horse thing.)

Here's your broadcast schedule. Take a look at who the computers think will compete for the Cup. And if you haven't had enough bracketology, here's one of the coolest ever. Enjoy the first round of the playoffs. Come back for more NHL nuggets as the semi-finals approach.
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The 2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs: Quarter-Finals Preview

The past few years, I've cobbled together posts previewing each match of each round of the Stanley Cup. Said posts have been everything from non-existent to late, to inconsistently published, and they may have been, on occasion, devoid of much accuracy in the way of series predictions. This year is no different, save for the fact that I'm going to say very little about each series, and instead offer links to what the more-professional sports writers are saying. That said, let's get right down to it.

The Eastern Conference, tonight

As Alan Burchardt mentioned in this morning's The Kansas City Star, "(o)nly four points separated the top five teams" in the East, and there are a couple of rivlaries that should be can't-misses.

The four-seed Pittsburgh Penguins, led by none other than Sidney Crosby (66 points, and notable missed time), defenseman Kris Letang (42 assists), and netminder Marc-Andre Fleury (2.32 goals-against average, .918 save percentage), and Head Coach Dan Bylsma, finished with 106 points in the regular-season standings.

They draw the five-seed Tampa Bay Lightning, who, coached by Guy Boucher, called the regular season a done deal with an impressive 103 points. Tampa Bay got a monster season out of Martin St. Louis who fell one point shy of the century mark (31 goals, 68 assists), defenseman Brett Clark (31 points), and goaltender Dwayne Roloson (2.59 GAA, .918 save percentage). The two clubs met four times this season, splitting the series at two wins a piece. Puck drops at 6 p.m. Central on this first-ever post-season meeting.

The pick: Tampa Bay in six

Also tonight are the one-seed Washington Capitals, who take on the New York Rangers. Caps Head Coach Bruce Boudrou led his boys to an Eastern Conference best 107 regular-season points, and saw significant production from Alexander Ovechkin (85 points), defenseman Dennis Wideman (10 goals, 30 assists), and goalie Michal Neuvirth (2.45 GAA, .914 save percentage). Washington has the historical edge over New York, and in fact, knocked out New York last year.

Rangers bench boss John Tortorella saw his squad generate spread-out production throughout the campaign, one that finished with Brandon Dubinsky atop the scoring with 54 points. Defenseman Dan Girardi was not far behind with 31, and Henrik Lundqvist was solid between the pipes, posting a 2.28 GAA, and a .923 save percentage. New York squeaked into the eight spot with two more points (93) than the Carolina Hurricanes. Action gets underway at 6:30 p.m. Central.

The pick: Washington in five

The Western Conference, tonight

Out west, where Burchardt reminds us that "two points separated the fourth- and eighth-place teams," we first get action from the (Editor's Note: Cue the boo machines) third-seed Detroit Redwings, who face the Phoenix Coyotes. Mike Babcock's Detroit squad again enters the post-season with the oldest team in the tournament, led by Henrik Zetterberg's 80 points (although he may miss significant time this series), and defenseman (Nicklas Lidstrom (16 goals, 46 assists). Jimmy Howard is your man in the crease at Joe Louis Arena. He compiled a 2.79 GAA with a .908 save percentage this season. Detroit managed 104 points during regular-season play.

Phoenix, on the other hand, comes in with 99 points, and are led by Head Coach Dave Tippett, who rallied his troops around leaders Shane Doan (20 goals, 40 assists), defenseman Keith Yandle (59 points), and Ilya Bryzgalov (2.48 GAA, .921 save percentage) assuming duties behind the mask. Detroit managed to knock of the Coyotes (Note: Pronounced "Kai-OH-tees," not "KAI-oats") last post-season, and holds a 3-0 post-season series edge over Phoenix, however, Tippett's club went 2-0-2 against Babcock's this year, so anything goes. Faceoff's at 6 p.m. Central.

The pick: Phoenix in seven

Three hours later, it's the one-seed Vancouver Canucks taking on the defending-champion Chicago Blackhawks. Jonathan Toews had another impressive campaing, totaling 76 points, and Brent Seabrook shored up the D with nine goals, 39 assists. In net for the 'Hawks is youngster Corey Crawford, who posted a 2.30 GAA, .917 save percentage. Head Coach Joel Quenneville saw his team handle Vancouver in each of the last two post-seasons, but the Canucks took the season series, 2-1-1.

For the first time in franchise history, Vancouver took home the NHL's President's Trophy. Head Coach Alain Vigneault saw, as usual, massive production from the Sedin twins (combined 198 points), and Christian Ehrhoff generated 50 points from the point as well. Roberto Luongo is most certainly the x-factor in this series. His regular-season looked something like a 2.11 GAA, and a .928 save percentage. The Canucks' trophy came via 117 points, 20 more than Chicago. They'll get after it around 9 p.m. Central.

The pick: Vancouver in five

Our third matchup of the evening involves the four-seed Anaheim Ducks and the five-seed Nashville Predators. Head Coach Randy Carlyle draws up the Xs and Os for team Anaheim, and his system appears to be one that fits Corey Perry (50 goals, 48 assists) well. Defenseman Lubomir Visnovsky had a monster season from the blue line, amassing 68 points of his own. In net for the Ducks is likely to be Jonas Hiller, although he platooned the campaign with Dan Ellis.

Barry Trotz is the man with clipboard in Tennessee, and he watched wingers Martin Erat and Sergei Kostitsyn lead the offensive charge this year with 50 points a piece. Defenseman Shea Weber was right behind them with 48 of his own, while Pekka Rinne posted a solid 2.12 GAA, .930 save percentage stopping pucks. Both squads generated 99 points in the regular season, however Nashville took the season series, three games to one. This will be their first playoff meeting with the Ducks, and the tilt gets going half-an-hour after Vancouver/Chicago.

The pick: Anaheim in seven

Courtesy of the NHL's Twitter page:

* History will be made.

From Dave Lozo's Twitter page:

* Sixteen things you should know about this year's playoffs.

And from Sarah Spain's Twitter page:

* What to watch for in this year's playoffs.

That's it for now. Check back tomorrow for the skinny on Thursday action.
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Tuesday Tidbits: It Has Now Officially, Gotten Stankiest Out There

It's a gloomy day in Kansas City. That is, it's raining. Either snow or rain has been falling consistently for three straight days now, and sporting news hitting the CyberStands doesn't look much better. In case you've not heard, Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Dwayne Bowe has been suspended by the NFL for four games for violating the league's performance-enhancing substance policy. Word is that he'll not appeal the suspension, that it'll start immediately. Speculations are that, as Bowe came into training camp 30 pounds overweight, he used a diuretic to help shed some pounds, which, if correcty, translates to off-season laziness. This means no Steelers at home this weekend, no Chargers on the road in two weeks, no Broncos and no Bills for the first part of a three-game home stand. Thank God for the Chris Chambers signing, as our playoff chances were looking threatened there for a minute.

In NCAA news, Kansas Jayhawks Head Football Coach Mark Mangino is going under the scope. I don't mean surgery, and I don't mean they're going to try and place the big fella on a slide for examination. I mean that the school is investigating allegations of questionable conduct in the form of "yelling at and making contact with a player earlier this season." But that's just a few clouds on a figuratively bright day for KC sports...

...because Kansas City Royal Zack Greinke has won the American League Cy Young Award, by count of 25 of 28 votes. When the chatterings began, I had little faith that Greinke would actually win it. The case for Zack tried to make itself inevitable, though, as the regular season drew to a close, and the playoffs began. But today, a certain someone's prediction rang true.

On the evening of April the 8th, of 2009, I texted Old No. 7 that KC's number two starter had looked real sharp in a 2-0 shutout of the Chicago White Sox at U.S. Cellular Field.

His response was something to the tune of, "Part of a little Cy Young campaign I like to call Gettin' Stanky with Zack Greinke," which made me chuckle. Of course I liked the notion of it, but never did I think it would come true, some seven months later. Well played, sir, and well deserved, Mr. Greinke. Three cheers for good news. Hell, three cheers for great news.
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Notes on the Enemy: Week Six, Chargers @ Chiefs

Back in the good ol' days, when the AFC West was about Chiefs, Broncos, and little more, I kind of felt sorry for the San Diego Chargers. They managed to put together a couple of good teams and make a couple of runs at a title, but they never really seemed to have an intense fan base. Now, in these dark ages where scrupulous Denver clubs are undefeated and Chiefs teams try to set records for consecutive losses, and everyone wants to uncork the Super-Charger champagne before the season even starts, I cannot, for the life of me, get a Chargers fan to commit to a Sleeping with the Enemy interview. In three years, I've had one person agree and actually show up for the gig. It makes no sense to suppose anything other than the fact that their fan base still is, in fact, pretty darn lame. But that's okay. Instead, I was able to talk -- as Joe Posnanski might say -- brilliant reader DKC into coughing up a few moments of his day.

Bankmeister: For starters, allow me to take a moment and say congratulations on the newest addition (Editor's Note: baby Kelly arrived 12 days ago.) to your family. Moving onto football: Give me the first three things that pop into your head when you hear the words "San Diego Chargers."

DKC: Actually, the things that pop in my head are images associated with the team. The first image is one from the good old days. It is the image of a bow-legged, hobbily(from what I remember) Dan Fouts. Ugly yellow pants wearing guy chucking the ball all over the place. Imagine him as a fantasy QB. Another is the late-nineties nightmare draft of Ryan Leaf. Am I right, could they have picked Peyton? I remember locker-room footage of silly-little men with microphones chasing him around in his underwear trying to ask him why he sucks so bad. My last image is one a little paranormal in nature, in this halloween season. It is an apparition of a man roaming the sidelines, microphone on head, clipboard in hand and stupified look on his face. Yes, it is the Schottenarition. Arms crossed and big-ole-glasses wearing Marty S. His creepy sweater-wearin' spirit still flows through the league. More on MS in a moment.

B: Interesting. Not at all what I'd imagined you'd say. My colleague Old No. 7 has said that, without a doubt, " Norv Turner has killed any chance this team had at success." Is this a fair assessment? Explain.

DKC: I agree with 7 about Norv and must add that I've found myself agreeing with your colleague a lot lately. I must be turning into a crazy old man....Oh well.
Norval's hire didn't really "kill" this team's chance of winning, but it does put it in a bit of a vegetative state. If you look at Norv and Marty's Wikis (Yes, I Wiki), you can certainly notice that although he doesn't have the time spent and attempts of Marty, he does posess the young Marty-like resume. Never the bride and always the bridesmaid....you know...that kind of stuff. You also can't help but notice that the same 15 guys, taught by the same three guys, have coached the league since I have been able to turn on the TV.

B: Okay. Well, we know what many bloggers think, but what, do you imagine, is the general-football-viewing opinion of Philip Rivers?

DKC: Well, I'll put it like this... from my seat he appears to be a graceless winner and loser. He became grossly overpaid with his last contract. I also have friends who spent some time chatting with him within the last year (alcohol was involved). His sideline charm runs sidecar with his barside demeanor. I'm sure his momma may like him, though.

B: Talk about the oft-assumed decline of a late 20s-something running back. Is this the case for LaDainian Tomlinson? Is he, as they say, done? Will Darren Sproles ever be considered an elite back in this league?

DKC: Since LT is approaching NFL running back social security age (30) during the era of the internet-fantasy, where production is center-stage, he is, in fact done. He is done as the LT of the early and mid 'oughts. That doesn't mean he can't be a serviceable player in the league though. The emphasis of the owners/coaches, you can't help but notice, in the last couple of years is to shy away from sending your top dollar RB into the belly of the beast 30 times a game. They have created kind of hybrid positions, I guess they called them slots before. Reggie Bush is one. Sproles is sort of another. I say sort of because Sproles appears that he can/could do both. He is fast, agile and he also looks like a mini-hulk running between tackles when asked. So to answer, he may be an elite back someday.

B: What about tight ends? Who would you say are the best active three? Two-three years ago, many voices in football were certain that Antonio Gates was bar none the best. Will he ever statistically pass Shannon Sharpe? Tony Gonzalez?

DKC: It's hard to measure a TE's worth cause they do things away from the TV's eye(read: blocking). I'll throw these three TE's, in no order, assuming that they are all capable part-time offensive linemen. Jason Witten, Tony Gonzalez and Dallas Clark. Witten is a bit off this year offensively, TG is having a quiet, good year and Dallas is reaping the benefits of "showtime" in Indy. Gates is next. He is great now. He is no less great than he was three years ago, when they made him his own video game. People on the TV are in such a hurry to lionize someone. They love to do it and have everyone pat them on the back and whisper in their ear: "Way to Go. Smart Guy." These are the same people who said that Drew Brees couldn't play in the NFL. Oh Yeah, If old Marmalard can't get the rock to Gates a little better, he will not break TG and Sharpe's records.

B: How does the AFC West shape up this year? What, do you imagine is the immediate (next two-three seasons) for Denver, Kansas City, Oakland, and San Diego?

DKC: 2009 AFC West:

Kansas City 9-7
Denver 9-7
San Diego 7-9
Oakland 5-11

Yes, you read that right. KC: 9-7. It starts today with San Diego. Kansas City playoff bound due to their season sweep of Denver.

The future, you ask? For Denver I see losses, many losses. I see plagues and pestillence on the front range. Liver disease, that's what I see at Invesco Field.
For the rest, I see puppy dogs, lilly fields and free candy.

B: Give us a score prediction for this contest.

DKC: Today's game: KC 28, SD 21. All TDs today, with KC on top, at home. Why all TDs you ask? DKC picked up Succop for FF. DKC need FGs. DKC = bad FF player. I must share this final experience on the ways of Martyball. Back in early '96 when I was living, and was new to, Chicago, I met a nice young lady in an establishment. This was post-Lin Elliot loss, pre-Broncos/Elway loss. Things were proceeding nicely and plans were being made for her to accompany me somewhere in the future, unbeknownst to her. She was from Clevleand and football was the discussion. Somewhere the mini-courtship went awry. I swear to this day, it was when I told her I was from KC and Marty was my coach. She said things like, "he'll never get it done" and "he'll screw your team in the post-season". What little did she know...

B: Interesting tale. Thanks so much, DKC. Looking forward to getting on the 9-7 train. I like lilly fields and candy, too, it turns out.
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The Quest for the Cup: The HoG's 2009 Stanley Cup Finals Preview

We've made it, at last, to the Stanley Cup Finals, and I've waited 'til the last minute to write about it for a number of reasons: 1) I've been all-around horrible on making predictions this post-season, 2) the last thing I wanted was a repeat of last year's finals, and 3) the last time I put together a hockey post, all hell broke loose, which is vaguely reminiscent of our playoff-hockey commentary from a year ago. All of that aside though, one thing's for certain: This is going to be a fantastic series. You have the best of both worlds in terms of complete hockey teams, competing for the title. In Detroit, Mike Babcock's core of gritty, experienced veterans look to defend the championship in what will likely be the final season for the 47 year-old Chris Chelios. In Pittsburgh, you have the most impressive nucleus of young players that could very well be moving into The Sprint Center a dynasty mode if they can knock off the ferocious Red Wings. Enjoy minimal analysis and a couple of clips after the jump.



I hate Detroit. They're a division rival to my St. Louis Blues, and they're always fucking stacked. Always. I've grown to appreciate them, however, as a franchise that perennially makes the right moves. And they named their building after Joe Louis, which is pretty cool.



Problem is, I also hate Pittsburgh. I lived with Flyers fan for several years and grew to like them quite a bit, and the Pens have handled Philly in consecutive post-seasons now. Plus, I thought it would be cool for Ovechkin and the Capitals to knock off the defending Eastern Conference champs, but so much for that.



I've also tried pretty hard to hate the non-NFL, non-MLB teams that The Lone Reader roots for, so I'm obligated to not pull for the Pens. And I'm still bitter at Mario for his shenanigans with Kansas City and the whole leverage-for-our-new-building ploy, but who am I to hold a grudge. Not really. I got mad respect for Lemieux, and it would've been weird to have Pittsburgh's club move here.

Anyway, the puck drops in just over an hour, and I've got two points to make.

First, the Penguins have been incredible these playoffs. They've repeatedly surprised me with their poise, and impressed me with a cohesiveness I wasn't willing to give them credit for. Kudos to them for that. I don't, however, think that Pittsburgh, or anyone else for that matter, can or will stop the Wings. They are, as usual, just too darn good. The one thing standing in their way, though is their health. Detroit is an older club and they've got some injury issues to deal with early in the series. Along with Kris Draper, one time Saturday Studmuffin Pavel Datsyuk will be out for game one, and they've got a couple of other guys that aren't exactly 100 percent.

So the Penguins could build some early momentum and take game one at the Joe, which was a difficult place for them to play last year. In fact, I think they were shutout in the first two contests. I envision a late surge from Detroit, though, if that happens, and think that they repeat, moments before Chelios hangs up the skates.

The pick: Wings in seven

(Editor's Note: It's incredibly unsexy to pick a series to end in six or seven games. This I know. I just don't see either team folding that early.)

There you have it. Below is the television schedule. Game on!

GAME 1: SAT. MAY 30, PIT @ DET, 8PM, NBC, CBC, RDS
GAME 2: SUN. MAY 31, PIT @ DET, 8PM, NBC, CBC, RDS
GAME 3: TUE JUN 2, DET @ PIT, 8PM, VS, CBC, RDS
GAME 4: THU JUN 4, DET @ PIT, 8PM, VS, CBC, RDS
*GAME 5: SAT. JUN 6, PIT @ DET, 8PM, NBC, CBC, RDS
*GAME 6: TUE JUN 9, DET @ PIT, 8PM, NBC, CBC, RDS
*GAME 7: FRI. JUN 12, PIT @ DET, 8PM, NBC, CBC, RDS
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The Quest for the Cup: The HoG's 2009 Conference Finals Preview

I cannot, in recent memory, recall an NHL playoff as bizarre as this one has been thus far. Now, I like to think that professional sports follow trends, regardless of how measurable they might or might not be. And this post-season has one or two, but in comparison to the unexpecteds, my uneducated head says the trends have been dwarfed. For starters, you have three consecutive game sevens to wrap up the second round. It's not that game sevens are seldom, but seldom do you have that many in the second round. Also in the note of seldoms would be both first-round seeds being knocked out before the third round. Seldom do you see both Stanley Cup Finals teams back in the Conference Finals. Seldom do you see three of four clubs lose their first series game, and come back to win: Carolina dropped game one to Boston, 4-1; Washington took Pittsburgh 3-2 in that series; Anaheim did lose to Detroit 3-2; but the Canucks handled Chicago 5-2 in their first match. A brief look at both sides of the Conference Finals, and a chuckle at my God-awful picks, after the jump.

Things don't get underway until Sunday afternoon when the Red Wings and the Blackhawks square off at 3 p.m. Central in Michigan, but since we were late with last round's preview, we're trying to balance things out a bit, so give us a hug.

The West



The way these playoffs have gone, I don't know who to pick in this one. I'd love to say that Chicago continues to ride this insane wave and eliminates Detroit, but I just don't see it happening. While they were able to overcome a game-one loss, and take care of Vancouver in six, the Canucks are not the Red Wings. Mike Babcock has again proved that he was the appropriate heir apparent to Scotty Bowman, and I'm not saying that Chris Osgood is better than Nikolai Habibulin, but put him on this club, and he is. Red Wings move on to defend their title.

The pick: Detroit in six.

The East



The Pittsburgh Penguins have officially pissed me off. Don't get me wrong: I got nothing but love for Mario, but this club keeps elminating teams I'm rooting for, round after round, season upon season. Not to mention they're effin' up my picks. Freaking lose, and freaking go home, already, and that's precisely what will happen to you against my perennial bandwagon club, the Carolina Hurricanes. The Cardiac 'Canes did it yet again last night, and absolutely silenced the Boston crowd. Personally, I give Carolina the edge in netminding, cohesion, and toughness, which I think overpowers the production and finesse in this Pittsburgh club. But hey, I've been wrong about them plenty of times before. Brind'amour finds himself seeking Cup number two.

The pick: Carolina in seven.

As far as the picks are concerned, I'm 37-35, which is pretty atrocious. And that's enough about that. Your Conference Finals TV schedule can be found here.
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Baseball in the Daytime: 4-22-09

After a single-game Patriot's Day special to start the week, and no pre-evening contests yesterday, day baseball is back with four matches for your Wednesday. Catch the jumps after the detail, or something to that effect, and take note, while you're there, just why any and all things prediction-related should be left to Cecil the Soothsayer.

Marlins @ Pirates, 11:35 Central: Ricky Nolasco and Paul Maholm are your starters in today's only pre-noon extravaganza. The home team has won two in a row and hovers a few notches above .500, while the visiting Floridians have, um, the best record -- 11-3 -- in baseball? I imagine nobody predicted such success. Maholm looks for win number three while Nolasco seeks his second. Catch the action on DirecTV 721, XM 183.

A's @ Yankees, 12:05: Due northish, it's lefty Brett Anderson for the visiting Athletics, and CC Sabathia gets the nod for the Bronx Bombers. Anderson, the 21 year-old lefty is still hungry for his first victory heading into his third big-league start, while King Happy Meal will attempt victory number two on the season. Oakland currently sits in third in a bizarre A.L. West, while the Yankees have been surging of late, bumping themselves within a game and-a-half of first-place Toronto. DirecTV has this one on 722 and 723. XM does its thing on channel 176.

Rockies @ Diamondbacks, 2:40: It'll be Dan Haren vs. Jorge de la Rosa this afternoon in Arizona. Both clubs have struggled thus far, and neither starter has logged a victory. The Rockies' lefty hasn't looked terrible, and has a decent history against Arizona, while Haren has an impressive 1.89 E.R.A., having given up only four runs through three starts and generating 17 Ks and 3 BBs in 19 innings pitched. DirecTV 724 has the cures for your ails. XM adds some elixir on 184.

Padres @ Giants, 2:45: Last but not least, we'll see the 2-0 righty Chris Young on the hill for San Diego, while the Giants call on 0-2 lefty Barry Zito. The Pads, another surprise, are but a half-game back of L.A. in the West, while Zito and his 10-even E.R.A. hasn't helped San Francisco much in their four wins, eight losses. Seven twenty-five is your DirecTV source for satellite arousal, while XM carries the tilt on 185.

That's your day baseball for the fourth of five hump days in April. Remember that while you're listening today, and see if you can't hump a co-worker's leg en route to the john.
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The Quest for the Cup: The HoG's 2009 Quarter-Finals Preview

Words cannot describe how much I love these hockey-playoff features. I follow the season with a semi-close eye. I get geared up as winter's tapering off, and once the regular season ends, I'm stoked as all hell, especially when my team's in! Then, I pore over the matches, one round at a time, and bang my unskilled PhotoShop forehead on the jagged edges of a brick, and no one pays any mind. I suppose there's something human, something typical, something Murphy's Law in that the more time you spend on something, the less people notice. But what can you do? Give up? Not a chance in hell.

For the quarter-finals, and maybe even for all the rounds, we'll keep the picks/previews condensed to one post. That way, it's easier on everyone, and we can move closer to shoving the posts off of the page, and preparing our cushiony Wonder Bread for the biggest bukkake of the spring: the NFL Draft. Sounds pretty painless to me. Get your stick-and-puck goodies on the flip side of the skip.

Before we get started, I'll admit that I fudged some of these images, in that the home team/lower seed isn't on the right for all of them. Given that most folks never even made it past the link, let's just say I'll be damned if I was going to go back and re-create them. Wanna know the seeds, or who has the home-ice advantage? Read, slacker. Read.

The East



Your one and eight seeds represent the Atlantic Division. They also represent my favorite Canadian team in the Habs, and my pick to win it all in the Bruins. Now, this is a dangerous move, because Boston is historically, well, in recent decades anyway, one of the most choke-tastic post-season clubs in history. But they played some lights out hockey this season, a virtual stronghold on the Eastern Conference from November on. The Habs are celebrating their 100th season of play, and this is year 85 of the rivalry between the two, who met in this same round a year ago, a tilt in which Montreal won, four games to one. Montreal has one edge: their offensive production is more well-rounded. Boston, however, is tougher in every regard. They got 88 points from first-line center Marc Savard; their defense is one of (if not) the best in the league, and netminder Tim Thomas posted 36 wins in 54 games, a .933 save percentage. I won't guarantee a Boston championship, but I will guarantee that Montreal won't be in the semi-finals. They'll drop the puck at six Central tomorrow night in Boston.

The pick: Bruins in six.



If ever there was an example of a team's individuals playing above their ability via the amazing display of one man, it's the two-seed Washington Capitals. Alex Ovechkin (Editor's Note: Sidney who?) should be a unanimous vote for league MVP, as his 110-point season is above and beyond that of any other skater, and better than a lot of lines put together. The seventh-seeded Rangers showed fortuity and put together another good season, but I doubt they can hold up against Washington. The skinny is that the Caps are tougher on offense -- the Rangers' O is barely above mediocre -- they're more consistent in protecting their zone, and while Henrik Lundqvist got a few more wins in net than Washington's Jose Theodore, Lundqvist had only one backup, while Theodore had three, meaning that Lundqvist lost more. As it's been said, good goaltending starts with great defense. The puck drops tonight at six.

The pick: Washington wins in five.



The three-seed Devils really surprised me this year, and wound up running away with the Atlantic. Now, only seven points separates them from Pittsburgh and Philly, but they all but had it locked several weeks ago. They'll face off with the sixth-seed Carolina Hurricanes tonight at 6:30 in New Jersey, likely thinking they'll make easy work of Carolina. And they'll be wrong. It's true that the Devils have a new record-holder in Martin Brodeur, and it's true that they have more veteran leadership on their roster. They also have more age, which means less stamina, more gaps in their D, and less grit than Carolina. The Hurricane offense is well-rounded in the sense that the Washington O is, but the club as a whole has proven on many occasions in recent years, that they have what it takes to eliminate the weak, which is what, regardless of 106 points and a division title, the Devils will look like on the ice.

The pick: Carolina in six.



Well, it just wouldn't be awesome if we didn't have the ol' all-Pennsylvania series in the East. It's unfortuneate that it comes so early this year, especially for the defending Conference champion Penguins. This matchup between the four-seed igloo dwellars and the five-seed Broadstreet Bullies gets underway tonight at 6:30, and if the Lone Reader were still alive, he'd call shenanigans, but the Flyers showed us last spring that they their rebuilding mode was a success, and that they are some tough-ass crackers indeed (Note: No offense to any non-Caucasians on the roster.) If you look at last year, the edge goes to the Pens, since they took the eventual-champion Red Wings to the proverbial wire, but that run was like a Widespread Panic guitar solo: a load blown too quickly, and all at once. Marc Andre-Fleury managed 35 wins in net for Pittsburgh this year, and Philly goalie Martin Biron wasn't far behind with 29. And of course, no fool would over look the respective 113- and 103-point campaigns from Evgeni Malkin and Sid the Kid. The problem is that everyone else below those two had only half the numbers, while the Flyers spread it out considerably better. The Pittsburgh D looks tougher on paper, but it's a farce.

The pick: Philly advances in five.

The West



The West is a bit odd this post-season for a number of reasons. Hockey, like the other three major sports can flip flop in terms of who's a top dog in very little time. Anaheim is two years removed from their championship, and they enter as an eight seed. The Sharks, coming off of one of the best non-championship rounds of post-season hockey I've seen in years, were only a few pieces shy of putting together an honest-to-goodness run, and they appear to have done just that, having won themselves a little thing called the President's Trophy. Sure. It's easy to pick the two number-one seeds to go to the Finals, but that's what I said two months ago, and I'm sticking to it now. These two clubs look relatively equal on paper, but San Jose is far superior. When the puck drops tomorrow night at 9:30, that'll be victory one of four consecutive for J.R. and company.

The pick: The Sharks get the sweep.



And now a look into why else the West is weird. Four of five Central Division clubs are in. The Columbus Blue Jackets waited eight long years for a taste of playoff hockey, and when they finally get there, what do they get? The blasted Red Wings. An interesting bit about the Blue Jackets is that they clinched a spot some time ago, largely thanks to their goaltender Steve Mason. They watched, however, in the final two weeks of the season, division-rival St. Louis Blues not only squeak in by winning eight of their last 10, but catapult over them in the Central, largely thanks to their goaltender, Chris Mason, former Central goalie for the Nashville Predators. Speaking of Nashville, they faced Detroit in round one last year, and were clearly overmatched. While the Wings won't repeat their title of a year ago, they'll quickly dismiss Columbus from further play, as this tilt gets underway tomorrow night at six in the Motor City.

The pick: Red Wings in four.



Had the Blues not beaten Colorado 1-0 on Sunday, they'd be the eighth seed, facing the Sharks. In a way, I wish they'd lost, just to get the toughest test first. But they didn't, and instead they face Vancouver. On the other hand, the Blues have had putrid post-season luck against San Jose in the past. I'd like to say that this gives St. Louis the edge, in that they have momentum, youth, and their first playoff appearance since the lockout, but I'm afraid not. While Vancouver only netted four more regular-season wins than St. Louis, many feel that Canuck netminder Roberto Luongo is the best in hockey right now. I don't agree with that, but he is better than this Mason, and he's got a tighter trio of defensive pairings manning the zone in front of him. Add to that that the Blues are in fact a young squad, and quite frankly, overmatched. The puck drops tonight in Vancouver at nine o'clock. The Blues take one on the road, and one at home, but no more.

The pick: Vancouver in six.



Calgary-Chicago might be the toughest first-round match to pick out of the eight. This one gets underway tomorrow night at 7:30 in Chicago, and these clubs look mighty similar. Offensively, they both spread it around well, and defensively, they're mediocre at best, which is surprising for a Joel Quenneville-coached club. Chicago, while once a force in the league for many years, has been relatively awful up until the past two seasons, while Calgary has been in the post-season for six consecutive seasons now, including a Finals appearance in the 2003-04 campaign. Given that Chicago has only recently gotten on the right track, and Calgary netminder Mikka Kiprusoff posted a staggering 45 wins this season, I've got to give them the edge, but I'll take the liberty of saying it goes the distance.

The pick: Flames in seven.

Let the games begin, and of course, check back in in a couple weeks to see how my picks were, and how the picks for the semis look. Heh-heh. Semi.
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We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Callin' Yer Shot

Every once in a while we throw up a post in haste. This is one of those every once in a whiles. It's quite possible that I've thrown up this array of talent before, but I'm too short-sided on the memory front, too lazy to look it up, and too drunk to make any better sense of the whole mess. The nugget of the piece, though, should be remembered as such: Denver fans have a tendency to have fluidity with their teams. And by "teams" I mean Broncos. They could ultimately care less about the Rockies, Nuggets, or Avalanche, but when it comes to the beloved orange and blue, they'll go to the grave with whatever retardedness a current or former Bronco says. And that's unfortuneate. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you.

Old No. 7, citing inspiration earlier in the day, threw up this post, and 'tis true that he did vomit it. It's unfortuneate that he attached his name to it in many ways, only a few of which can I bring myself to muster. They, however, look like this:



1) "Shannon was snubbed by the Hall of Fame back in February, which is of course preposterous." Shannon Sharpe deserves to be in the Hall of Fame? For what? Being the biggest tool to ever don an NFL uniform?



Sure. he set some records and owns a few rings. Who cares. No. Really. Let's take a non-Denver poll...(Editor's Note: Crickets.) He was, at one time, a pretty good tight end. He'll never be anything more. If he gets elected into Canton, only then will we see the real exhibit of preposterity.



But it gets worse, I assure you. Seven, in his infinite wisdom, decided to allocate a box quote to the Hall's most unworthy recipient since Scott Norwood:



"But I never played on a 2-14 team two years in a row," Sharpe said.



I ask you, non-short-bus-riding citizens: To whom does this retard (Sharpe) refer? Who has gone 2-14 in consecutive seasons? I'm Jack Bauer up in this bitch. That is to say, I'm lost.



Oh, no. Please. Wait. The best point of all is yet to come.



You see, Denver Bronco fans like to attribute their back-to-back Super Bowl victories to one man.



Personally, I don't take away from the fact that they won two consecutive titles.



If there was a feasible way to negate that piece of history -- trust me -- I'd already have the patent.



The fact remains, though, that Denver fans, Old No. 7 specifically, like to attribute such feats to one man in particular.



Over here on Planet Earth, however, we're aware of the notion that -- regardless of late last calls, fat chicks, and country inbreeding, it takes a team to win.



In Denver, however, the belief is quite the opposite.



You have a tight end, who blatantly feels responsible for the franchise's successes, as evidenced by his horse-lipped mouth:



"He's all they had. I only lost five playoff games. He's lost three already."



Mos' Def, Horse Lips.



Like in 1997, when the Chiefs went 13-3, then lost to Denver. That'd be off-subject.



Tony Gonzalez was what?



Oh, that's right.



A rookie.



He had 33 catches for 368 yards and two scores that year.



But you know, it was his fault that the Chiefs lost that game.



And don't even get me started on the row-add cookin' touchdown pass he caught where he was pushed out of bounds by a cheatin' Bronco.



So, as you can plainly see, Shannon Sharpe suggests that Denver playoff losses and wins are solely attributed to him and him only, and the same can be said for Kansas City, the Chiefs, and Tony Gonzalez.

And now would be a bad time, I assume, to mention Sharpe's rookie stats. What? No? It wouldn't? Okay, well if you insist...

...seven catches for 99 yards and one touchdown. In 14 years, he accomplished less, at his exact same position, than Tony accomplished in 12. But, you know, throw in a quarterback that refused to play for the team by which he was drafted, and wah-lah -- Sharpe's better, and a guaranteed first-ballot guy.

Makes sense...

...except for the fact that in Kansas City, we focus on team. Not one guy. Tony is part of a team. John Elway was part of a team. Tony, as part of the Chiefs teams, hasn't won a playoff game. Elway, as part of a team, won many, and of course, ensuing championships, but over here on Planet Reality, we chalk that success up to the whole team, whereas a guy like Shannon, ultimate HOFer that he may be, continues to whine, along with his afficionados -- that he missed out on first-ballot status. And for that we can only say, help yourself to the box of Puffs, ese.
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Orange County Boogaloo: An Angels-Red Sox Preview

This ain't no Baseball In The Daytime--this is MLB's showcase series and therefore TBS will show all the games under the lights. But this matchup does contain some personal relevance here at the HoG, due to old allegiances. On-again off-again baseball analyst Captain Feverpiss has his take on his Angels, my Red Sox and the state of the elections. Enjoy.

Old No. 7: Your team was eliminated by the Red Sox in 2004 and 2007. Both times the Angels were swept, and both times the Red Sox went on to a world title. When it was confirmed that the matchup was once again Los Anaheim-Boston, what was your reaction? Are you thrilled to get another shot?

Captain Feverpiss: My reaction has been mixed. Have the Red Sox had our number for the past three playoff series? Yes. Have the Red Sox won 7 straight postseason games against us? Yes. That being said, I have much more confidence this year due to our overall supremacy against the Sox. We swept them at home and away for the first time ever. We demoralized Ben Affleck and forced Stephen King to write romance novels. I wouldn't say I'm thrilled to "get another shot," I'd say I'm thrilled we have a stronger team than in years past and that the Sox are limping in a bit. The absence of Manny Ramirez helps as well. I always hated having to pitch to either him or Ortiz (or both) the way they stacked the lineup. Without steroids or Manny, Ortiz has proven that he's not all that dangerous.

7: Who's the most important Angels player in this series? What about for the Red Sox?

Feverpiss: For the Angels I think there is a need for a role player to step up. Who will it be? I don't know. I think we need Garrett Anderson, Mike Napoli, Howie Kendrick or Chone Figgins to step up and help the stars (Vlad, Hunter and Teixeira) carry the load. Role players seem to provide that extra edge in a closely matched battle like this. Vlad has not been a big component in the playoffs throughout his career. Hopefully Teixeira will be as good as he's been in the regular season. In my mind, the difference maker will be the Angels' ability to score runs. I think it will be up to a role player to punch out of the mold and get us that extra spark.

Dustin Pedroia is the one to watch on the Red Sox. He's a catalyst that can get their offense moving quickly. If Pedroia can do what he's done all season, get on base and score runs, the Angels are in for a long series.

7: How do you think the new veterans (Torii Hunter and Mark Teixeira) will hold up in the crucible of the ALDS? What about the kids (Erick Aybar and Howie Kendrick)?

Feverpiss: I see no reason for concern that the "crucible" will test any of these players. Hunter has been there before, many times. He's a guy with a good sense of humor and should keep things light on the younger guys. Teixeira hasn't been tested on this stage, however all accounts point to the fact that the guy is an adult, a diplomat, and has ice water in his veins. Howie Kendrick would be a guy who I might be concerned about a little, but he's so damn good at making solid contact that I think he'll keep a cool head and do his job.

7: What are you most worried about in Game 1?

Feverpiss: Getting out of the gates early and scoring runs. We have to strike early and often. I know Frankie Rodriguez had a great year and earned some sort of record, but I don't want to see the ball in his hand in Game 1. I need a blow out of epic proportions to be comfortable.

7: You guys have the best road record in the majors--in fact, you went 50-31 both in Anaheim and away from your park. Does this team have any concerns about travelling to Fenway this year or are Games 3 and 4 just run-of-the-mill contests?

Feverpiss: Game 3 will not be just a "run-of-the-mill" contest. Every game these guys play will be vitally important to them and regardless of the Fenway dominance this season, it will be no easy contest. Game 4, if necessary, will be crucial because it will mean that we are either putting the Sox away, or setting a positive tempo for the plane ride home for game 5.

7: Will K-Rod be a Met next season? If so, will Scott Shields close? Jose Arredondo?

Feverpiss: Shields should get it due to seniority. Arredondo is great, but unproven. Arredondo will make a great set up guy next season. Look for Jepsen during the series as well. He may be a key bullpen guy next season.

If there is any justice in the world, K-Rod will be a Met next season and never make another postseason appearance in his career.

7: Is Ervin Santana's resurgence for real? Do you think Joe Saunders will be a sturdy playoff starter? Are you guys going with a four-man rotation or will Lackey come back for Game 4?

Feverpiss: I believe Ervin's resurgence is the real deal. He's always had great stuff, he just always seemed to fall short of expectations as if he was overwhelmed. Maybe the correct analogy would be that Santana was overwhelmed like Jim J. Bullock at his first bukkakke.

Saunders is solid. He won't strike many out (last Sunday's 9 K performance was a fluke), but he'll eat innings and give the Angels a chance to win.

Lackey will be back for game 4, Scoscia doesn't have much confidence in Garland or Weaver right now.

7: In your opinion, does Scoscia manage differently in the playoffs? Does he run differently, take more/fewer chances, use his bullpen strangely? Some guys are better regular season managers than postseason or vice versa, what's your take on your skip?

Feverpiss: I think Mike plays a slightly more aggressive tilt in the postseason. He doesn't necessarily gamble, but he takes an extra base here and there that he normally wouldn't in the regular season. Of course, he will always preach aggressive running on the basepaths, however Mike will tend to really try to take advantage of opportunities and try to open games up in the postseason.

7: I know I asked you earlier in the year about this team versus the 2002 Angels that won it all. How do you personally feel going into October this year, versus the other years you've made the playoffs? Are you more confident? This team seems awfully solid.

Feverpiss: There is much more expectation on this club. We basically went wire to wire, and we are much more talented. No doubt this team has a different style. The 2002 team had a totally different make up and won because they fought hard, not because of sheer talent.

7: OK, I need some predictions from you. Give me a winner for the other three series, the league championships and the World Series.

Feverpiss: Angels vs. Red Sox: Angels in 4.

Chicago vs. Tampa: Tampa in 5.

LA vs. Chicago: Cubs in 3.

Philly vs. Millewaukee: Philly in 4.

ALCS: Angels in 6.

NLCS: Cubs in 7.

World Series: Angels in 7.

Presidential Election: Obama by 8.

If the bailout is passed: Depression for 6 years.

If no government bailout takes place and companies are allowed to fail: Nasty 2 year recession.

7: I personally can't see an 8-point spread in the popular vote. I don't care what the polls say now, that's a pretty massive blowout when you consider where the popular vote has been over the last 20 or so years. If Obama wins it'll be by two or three. I look at electoral votes--if the vote were today I think Obama would take just over 300, with 270 needed to win. But if McCain keeps fucking up his campaign, it could be an electoral massacre with 340 or more for Barack. He's up right now in all the big swing states and could win Missouri, Indiana, North Carolina and Colorado as well. What does McCain have to do to keep it close? What can Obama do to put it away?

Feverpiss: If McCain were smart he'd try to figure out a way to flip flop and start trashing the bail out. I know that would be nearly impossible, but if he wants to win over the independent or swing voter--say no to the bailout.

If Obama wants to put it away, he should start reading Austrian economics and start quoting Mises and Hayek. He should let the McCain camp implode on itself and start talking about fiscal discipline, not entitlement expansion.

7: Ten four. I'll go this way:

ALDS: Red Sox in 5, White Sox in 5.

NLDS: I already took the Cubs and Phillies.

ALCS: White Sox in 6.

NLCS: Cubs in 4.

World Series: South Side over North Side, 7 games.
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Your Ultimate Broncos-Packers Preseason Pregame Preview

That's actually a blatant lie, this post has zero to do with tonight's exhibition spectacle at Invesco. Although feel free to tune in to get your fill of Darrell Hackney highlights. No, this is just Cecil and I having a few beers and talkin' football. Lots and lots and lots of Denver Broncos football. Join in, if you dare...

Old No. 7: As we're midway through the preseason and rapidly approaching the Broncos' season opener, it's probably time to discuss this team. Normally at this point of the summer, I'm the homer optimist and you're the gloomy pessimist. Yet when we last convened over pints, your forecast for '08 was much rosier than mine. Why do you think this team can finish with a winning record?

Cecil: It's tough to suss out, really, because it's not like I have a legitimate reason to be--so I guess I have to fall back on the "well, it would be tough for them to be any worse" argument.

Which is, of course, not true. It wouldn't really be that tough. All they'd need would be to get hit with injuries again, have the young linemen continue to fail to develop, give up a ton of rushing yards and sacks and fall behind early in what should be a more competitive AFC West. Last year they were pretty fortunate to finish 7-9 instead of 5-11.

But that, right there, is the germ of my hope--last year was bad. Really, really fucking stinky. Probably the worst Bronco team I've watched, ever, including the 1990 squad that only won 5 games, including the milquetoast product that Wade Phillips put on the field his last year here. They were a lottery team. But I've managed to convince myself that the clouds are parting.

Here's how the justification goes: last year was the inevitable shitty season that comes from rebuilding. And since we're all honest men around here, except when it comes to letting our wives know exactly how much we've had to drink, we know that what the Broncos are doing is just that. None of this "re-tooling" or "re-loading" nonsense. Nope, they are in a full-blown youth movement, aka a rebuild, and '07 was the year the rubber of suck met the road of season. They had a ton of injuries on the offensive line, they had the T-Hen drama, they had a pair of expensive kickers who were either incompetent drunks or mysteriously beloved "young earth" creationists who couldn't kick off to the 30 (I was glad to see Elam leave--whatever good he did in short range was more than topped by the terrible field position he inflicted upon us every time he kicked to the other team). But above all else, they installed Jim Bates' crazy scheme.

I can't overstate how fucked that was. We signed Sam Adams to be an anchor in the middle, right after he left a starting job at probably the worst run defense in the NFL--whose idea was that? Smells like Bates to me. How about starting undrafted Amon Gordon next to him? Same guy that they cut weeks later? How about moving a potential Pro Bowl weakside 'backer in D.J. Williams to the fucking middle--and putting the natural middle, Nate Webster, on the strong side? How about leaving the overrated Lynch on the field in passing situations? Was Bates even watching the goddamn games?

When players don't know what to do, when there's confusion, it shows. Our defense had been a perennial Top 10 for most of the decade, and suddenly...pfft. Some of that was losing Al Wilson, sure; I think a lot more of it was getting away from what the players we had on our team did well, i.e. play a speed-based 4-3 with plenty of zone looks in the secondary.

So the defense, to my mind, almost can't help but be better. I'm not saying they'll be great, because I doubt they will--especially on the defensive line--but not 30th in the league against the run bad. There's just no way. Well, there is, but I don't want to think about it.

Offensively, we were actually grinding it out at the end of last year--other than in the red zone, where we've had problems for a while--and I think this squad has the makings of a flippin' dynamic offensive side. You doubted my love of Eddie Royal, but I think he's going to turn out to be a stud, and it's pretty obvious that Brandon Marshall has All-Pro written all over him, assuming he can stop whackin' his gals around. Andre Hall looks to me to be the better of the Young-Hall combo--dig his inside running against the Cowboys' first team defense last Saturday. And Tony Scheffler is finally healthy.

THE RECEIVERS
Old No. 7: We'll get to the other areas, but I must first admit--my initial reaction to Eddie Royal was dead flippin' wrong. I had heard of the kid only as a return specialist and thought we could get him much later in the draft. I saw his diminutive stature and wrote him off as a serious every-down receiver (as if there aren't plenty of excellent sub-6-foot WRs these days). Clearly he's got something special and Cutler loves him, and with Marshall's two-game suspension he's a big key to the early part of the season. So hats off to you, sir, and your unwavering faith in Eddie Royal.

Now, how's the rest of the receiving corps going to acquit themselves? Will Darrell Jackson start in the absence of Marshall? Will Samie Parker contribute? Is Brandon Stokley going to remain exclusively in the slot (as opposed to last season, when he was forced to play way too much flanker)?

Cecil: Tough to say. While I had you on Royal, you had me times two on Colbert--he's freaking useless and will be lucky to make the team. I thought hey, second round pick who starred at a big school with a big passing game, wastes some time in a prehistoric offense in Carolina with below-average passers who are all scared to throw to anyone but Steve Smith...why not give him a chance? The reason why, as it happens, was because he is not good at playing football and has been passed on the depth chart by Cliff Russell. Who, it should be mentioned, played in college with Steve Smith.

I see Darrell Jackson starting opposite Royal until Marshall gets back. When you look at the guy's career, he's been hella productive (threw that out there for all our East Bay readers, WHAT) with the exception of last year in San Francisco, and who wouldn't have struggled there? He's also only 29. I think he catches 50 balls this year. Stokley, like cognac and cigars, is best in small doses; when he's working out of the slot he's a huge mismatch against a linebacker, when he's at flanker that advantage is completely gone because corners can run with him and knock him off his routes. I don't see any way they move him back to flanker unless they get absolutely savaged by injuries.

And as much as I'd love Samie Parker to contribute--really, it would chub me out--have you heard a word about him all training camp? He's gonna get cut before the season.

THE QUARTERBACK
Old No. 7: As for the gentleman getting those receivers the damn ball, Jay Cutler has been really impressive thus far. Perhaps Magic Johnson helped him find Jesus, thus curing him of diabetes. You know, the same way that Magic is HIV-free. My theory on this season has been that these rebuilding Broncos can be really good only if Cutler is great. That's my idea. But then the Denver Post ripped me off on Monday: "

Anyway, what's Jay Cutler's ceiling? Slowly but surely the QB Class of 2006 is falling apart. No one trusts Vince Young or Tavaris Jackson. Matt Leinart and Kellen Clemens are stuck behind senior citizens. Cutler had the finest raw tools of any of those guys, can he take it to the upper echelon of NFL signal-callers this season?

Cecil: I think he can, and yes, I think it's entirely going to be due to the Sweet Baby Jesus. He can heal you, if only you let him into your heart.

The magical "third year in the system" idea can get a bit overblown--just a tad--but I think this year is really going to be Cutler's NFL quinceañera. Except that he's not going to turn fifteen.

With the receiving corps they have--especially with Scheffler healthy all year--I think he could throw 30 scores. That's obviously dependent on the run game to an extent, but I look for them to throw more in the red area and in opponents' halves of the field this year anyway.

THE TAILBACKS
Old No. 7: Ah, the red area: Joe Theismann's lasting contribution to the football lexicon. Let's get to that running game, and specifically the personnel in the backfield. I was crestfallen when Ryan Torain broke his elbow--he was the guy I pinned my hopes on this season. Andre Hall has, as you mentioned, been very effective in games that don't count, and Selvin Young gives them a bit of experience. And then there's Anthony Alridge, who's hurt, and Michael Pittman, who likes to hit people with his car. Are any of these guys capable on their own or in tandem to be dynamic producers? More to the point, who can get three yards via their own merits, when this patchwork line doesn't open a lane?

Cecil: That's the question--if not the $64,000 dollar version, at least in the $50-$75 range.

I have my doubts about all of them. Selvin is, I think, a great change-of-pace back, but can he gut it up the middle? He sure didn't last year. Of course, last year he was running behind Erik Pears and Chris Meyers. (Speaking of, why did anyone complain when that guy left? He was flipping terrible. He almost got his quarterback murdered in that Detroit game.) Hall can, I think, but I have no empirical data on which to base that opinion beyond my own orange-goggled fandom. Pittman looked old and slow against the Cowboys and, as you mentioned, hates babies and pregnant women. Alridge is intriguing--he led every player in Division 1 in plays over 40 yards last year--but slender and probably prone to damage. So there are questions aplenty.

Thing is, Torain can still be a starter later in the season. Since it's an arm injury, he can still keep up with conditioning. If the three-or-four-headed backfield can grind it out until midseason, help might be on the way.

THE O LINE
Old No. 7: Chris Myers was a bum, but you can only expect so much from third-stringers. I have high hopes for this O-line down the road, even if this year is a little bumpy. I loved the selection of Ryan Clady, it was the right direction for this franchise. I'm very happy to see Ryan Harris in the mix. Now I know that Tom Nalen is old, beat-up and a question mark, but what's with Ben Hamilton? Is he back in the game?

Also, I was pissed off when Indy took all the centers in the April draft. That's just not cool. Any chance they cut one of 'em loose? I'd still love to see Steve Justice out here.

Cecil: The goddamn Colts really did raid the centers this year, didn't they? If anyone gets cut loose, it'd be Justice, and only because he'd be sent to the practice squad. Kinda like how we lost sudden hero Domenik Hixon.

Justice, along with Mike Pollak, was my pick to be chosen by the Broncos. We knew they'd take a center, this draft was heavy with 'em, and they grabbed...Kory Lichtensteiger?

He went to the University of Bowling Green. My family narrowly escaped living in Bowling Green when my father got turned down for a job at the University. I hear it's not a bad town but it's still in Kentucky.

That said, he was rated as the second best prospect at the position by most of the sources I saw. He's supposedly better at anchoring versus massive tackles, plays the scheme well, and above all has a filthy streak. He'll fit in just fine, be blowing out Chef knees before we know it.

THE DEFENSE
Old No. 7: Let's slide on over to the defensive side of the line of scrimmage. New DC Bob Slowik inherits what has become a suicide assignment for coaches. What are the odds he'll be more than one and done?

When I first heard about the promotion I wasn't surprised, because his name had been popping up in connection with the job for years. Shanahan evidently loves the guy, so I have a feeling he won't get canned immediately--unless they reprise last year's Apocalypse of Suck, and in that case the whole coaching staff should be put in the gibbet.

I really don't think they will, though, at least when it comes to run defense. I mean, they won't be great, but at least they'll be playing what promises to be a more user-friendly scheme that fits the personnel...although I don't understand why Shanny fired Coyer in the first place, only to end up with a dude who coaches nearly the exact same style: 8 in the box to stop the run, blitzing aplenty, etc. Maybe he just likes to fucking fire guys.

Seriously, Coyer lasted how long? And he was the only one I can recall since the Super Bowl years who kept the job for more than two seasons.

Tempering my enthusiasm, such as it barely is, would be the fact that Slowik has been a coordinator before. Twice. And both times his defenses were largely terrible.

THE COACH
Old No. 7: We'll get back to the D in a minute, but allow me a quick aside. What's Shanahan's job status? I always hear a standard amount of grumbling that it's time for him to go, he's lost it, etc. But my feeling is and has been that Pat Bowlen will never fire him, unless he is involved in a Nazi sex scandal or something. If anything he'll just quit if the losing persists. I think he was very close to doing just that a few years ago, but the challenge presented by developing Cutler has kept him around.

Whatever his flaws, and there are many, I still think that Mike Shanahan is among the game's best coaches, at least when it comes to strategy/X's and O's. He's next to impossible to replace, because he is the franchise at every level. You're not going to give his authority to anyone outside of Bill Belichick, so you'd have to completely restructure every aspect of the organization. How long do you see him in Denver?

Cecil: I agree with you--who would we replace him with that's better?

Whatever his faults as a personnel guy, and we're all still in the dark over how much actual sway he chose to exert over the process--with the notable exception of Travis McGriff, a waste of a third round pick a few years back that was evidently a decree from Shanny--as a game day manager he's awesome. I look at teams like KC, whose fans are all just praying that Herm doesn't screw up the clock management at the end or take two timeouts in a row, and realize that we have an automatic advantage on our end.

His teams are always going to be prepared, he's legendary for the work he puts into his game plans and he's displayed recently that he's not afraid of delegating some responsibility.

As far as what his final exit will be, I share your opinion that the only way he'd leave would be to quit. Bowlen isn't a coach-firer. Assuming Cutler keeps developing, and the wins come along with it, I could honestly see Shanahan coaching until he's in his late sixties.

And if that's the case, I think by the time it all winds down we'll be looking at an almost Don Shula-esque tenure.

THE D LINE
Old No. 7: OK then, let's get back to these tackling dummies posing as the Orange Crush. I've seen no evidence that a significant pass rush is coming soon to an Invesco near you. Elvis Dumervil is effective but not a consistently feared game-changer. Jarvis Moss had a lost season in '07 and seems a little dainty for my taste. The rest of the ends, John Engleberger et al, are grinders. I know Marcus Thomas can shoot the gap from time to time. Can this team put a QB on his ass this season, or are we doomed to witness more stress and strain inflicted on the pass coverage?

Cecil: The pass rush, or lack thereof, will be our undoing this year.

Speculation on the talking radio box was that Jarvis Moss was the pick because he was a favorite of, you guessed it, Jim Bates. Whether or not that's true I have no idea, but it makes sense--Bates liked tall, rangy ends, ala Jason Taylor in Miami. Well, Moss is definitely tall and undeniably rangy as a motherfucker, but was he worth the 17th overall pick? And a trade-up to get him? Early signs point to no, since he's evidently unable to move past 245 pounds and has displayed exactly nothing in preseason or training camp.

While I like to repeat the old saw that it takes three years to judge a lineman accurately, I have a feeling that ol' Jarv is another 1st round bust. Fuck. Me.

Crowder had some moments last year but has evidently regressed--although Bill Johnson (the line coach, not the columnist at the Rocky) mentioned that he had been "flashing big time" in the paper yesterday. Honestly, I don't want to hear about what he does in his free time and that's kind of gross.

The rest of 'em, yeesh. Engelberger is, to my mind, a waste of space. He does nothing. Ever. I don't know why he's on the team, much less starting. Dumervil would be twice the player he is now if he wasn't forced into the starting rotation and Ekuban is evidently becoming a tackle. The remainder--Larry Birdine, Paul Carrington, etc.--are just dudes.

So it may not matter that we have a better run D, if in fact we end up having one. If every stooge in the league can stand back there, clip his toenails, browse the morning paper, drop a deuce and then throw to the tight end, we'll end up getting killed.

It's the thing that could drop my prediction for the season, and we'll get to that soon, back into lottery-land.

THE LINEBACKERS
Old No. 7: I am afflicted with a curse, wherein anytime I purchase the jersey of an athlete that athlete is immediately injured, indicted or traded. So I quit buying jerseys of current players (Rod Smith is now open season). I really wanted a custom No. 24 shirt with "Champ" on the nameplate instead of "Bailey," but I couldn't tinker with the curse. As a means of dodging its fury, I bought Champ 24 for my wife last year.

Now Boss Bailey is on the team. And I want a bookend Boss 97 badly. Should I tempt the curse? He's already hurt, and it's not like he's a Hall of Famer anyway. How do you feel about the rest of the linebacking staff? I like moving D.J. Williams back outside, I like Niko in the middle, and I like guys such as Nate Webster, Louis Green and Jamie Winborn on the bench and on special teams. Your take?

Cecil: Boss 97 would be the shizz. I say tempt it--not like he can get hurt any more than he has to this point, right? Don't answer that.

As much as the D-line and the pass rush are weaknesses, I think linebacker is a strength. Ian Gold, his snarly attitude and bad tackling are gone, thank God, and D.J. is finally playing his natural position. I think either Niko or Nate would be fine in the middle, though I lean toward Niko because he keeps his helmet buckled on. Winborn, some forget, was a playmaking demon when he was with San Francisco, and will make a super sub. Louis Green is a good backup and special teamer, and we have depth at just about every slot.

Which is good, because they'll have to make a lot of tackles this year after opposing teams double Elvis and run right at us.

THE SECONDARY
Old No. 7: And now we arrive deep in the defensive backfield, which has been ridded of your boy John Lynch. The corner tandem of Champ and D're' B'ly" is wise and capable, and adding dirty ol' Marlon McCree to Hamza Abdullah seems like a respectable safety duo. Dominique Foxworth mans nickel duty, and rookie safety Josh Barrett seems like a nice pickup. I like the secondary but the depth worries me--can this unit make it through the year?

Cecil: We shall see--I'm not crazy about the depth at safety, because it drops off fast after the starters, but I'm pretty confident in our corners.

That said, I loved the Josh Barrett pick in the 7th round. He's a size-speed guy (meaning big and fast for all of our readers in the KC area) who can actually play, unlike some similar specimens--cough cough Willie Middlebrooks cough--we've drafted merely on potential. It wouldn't surprise me at all to see him compete for playing time as the year goes by, and he'll definitely make some plays on special teams. Kinda reminds me of how San Diego drafted a guy last year in the same round (Brandon Siler, linebacker from Florida) that, like Barrett, was rated much higher by most scouts and somehow slipped. Siler's gonna eventually start there and I expect the same of Barrett.

I think Marquand Manuel, assuming he keeps up the level of play he's displayed so far, was one of our most important signings of the offseason. He received almost no pub, but he's been a starter in the league and he's most definitely an upgrade over John "I'd Really Just Like to Be A Super Bowl Remora" Lynch. I liked Hamza and he still has a place on this team, but this isn't junior high school. You get hurt, you can't play, someone can take your spot. It ain't fair, but neither is the tax code. Just ask Blanche AnachroFeverlist.

THE "SPECIAL" TEAMS
Old No. 7: Slippin' in a little shot at the House's token conservative--Bill Parcells would call that a Jap move. No disprespect. Did you hear that Banky hired Blanche as staff writer? Word is it's conditional on his taking an oath of allegiance to Clark Hunt.

Cecil: I'm like Admiral fucking Tojo over here, except without the ritual suicide and fancy uniform.

Old No. 7: Folks say that special teams are a third of the game, yet in Denver they've been a hundred per cent of shitty for years. The big flush finally happened--Jason Elam was shown the door, Todd Sauerbrun is no more, and the motley band of kick returners was booted in favor of Eddie Royal. Except Eddie Royal is suddenly so valuable as a receiver he may not take back kickoffs--Christ Jesus. Tell me what you know about these kids, the Matt Praters and the Sam Paulescus of Dove Valley.

Cecil: I know this: neither Paulescu nor Kern has ever proved a damned thing on an NFL field. Does that mean that they'll suck? Not necessarily--but it definitely means there will be those pains which some associate with growth.

The story is that Paulescu, who was in Dallas' training camp last year but couldn't beat out Mat McBriar--who is a Pro Bowler, and whom we cut a few years back--is better at the directional stuff while Kern, who some people had rated as the second best punter in the draft after Durant Brooks, has the stronger leg. Is there a way we can combine the two? Knit them together? Paulesckern? If I had to pick one to make the squad, I'd take...ah, fuck, who knows? We'll just say Paulescu.

As for Prater, well, I say they let him at it and give him a bit of time to develop. Elam was vastly overrated the last few seasons, as I mentioned above--I keep hearing the fossils on 104.3 The Fan talk about how he singlehandedly won the Buffalo game, but they conveniently forget that he missed a short kick earlier in that very contest--and Prater can boot it out of the end zone, which will finally provide us with an advantage we haven't had in years. It's easy for a team to drive the field on your defense if they catch every kickoff at the 35. So what if he misses a few? All kickers do, even Saint Elam.

The return game is a mystery to me. We obviously can't risk Eddie Royal's health putting him back on kickoffs, and Andre Hall is too valuable with Torain gone, so who does that leave us? Glenn Martinez again? That's awfully meh. Punts, I think Royal will stick with, and he should--he'll have more space to work with and guys won't rip his arms off like they would on kick returns.

That should do it, we need to commence sniffin' glue before this game starts. We'll be back soon with shockingly detailed predictions that are wildly wrong--those are our specialty. Have a great weekend folks!
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