Open Letter to the Lord Our God

I haven't asked for much this season, God. And you've delivered even less. But come with me, father of Jesus Christ, beyond the jump, to examine my last request. Well, my last request for today anyway...

Okay, it's kind of a combination request package, but I'll keep it simple.

1) One week from today, I need the Denver Broncos to lose when they host the Buffalo Bills at InVesCo Field at Mile High Stadium. On that same day, I need a San Diego Charger road win at Raymond James Stadium against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

2) The week after that, those two AFC West teams face off at Qualcomm Stadium. A Charger win on that day would be cooler than Easter. For real.

And that's it. You pick the scores; arrange them so that your fantasy team goes off, even. I don't care about attendance, or injuries, or anything beyond those results. That is, if you want to throw the above-pictured zebra into that game, that might be awesome, too. But if not, at least make it so this



comes up no less than five trillion times in the week leading up to the game. Thank you so much.

Your devout son,
bankmeister
Read more

Tuesday Tantrum: Un-Sacktacular

Yesterday, the TalkRadios hammered the Chiefs, investigating every aspect of this club that is just plain wrong. Today, the paper has done the same, and with a narrower scope, Adam Teicher of The Kansas City Star points out one glaring void: the pass rush. There isn't really a lot to report in this regard. As part of a non-competitive club that occasionally scores some points, re-invents losing on a weekly basis, consistently displays a perfect what-not-to-do-on-special-teams model, and gets burned by offenses good, bad, and mediocre, the non-pressure Kansas City's front four has put on opposing quarterbacks is only one ingredient in the recipe titled "Terrible."

But, if you really want the sage and cinnamon of this fall unclassic, here they are:

1) The Chiefs have netted six sacks through 10 games. A handful of teams have done better than that on their bye weeks, I think.

2) Teicher points out that "Sixteen individuals, including former Chief Jared Allen, have more than six sacks." In case you English no good, that's almost 20 dudes with more than the entire Chiefs D.

3) From the same article: "The next lowest team is Cincinnati with 11." The Bengals, the one-win, Marvin Lewis Farmhouse is next higher on the list, and their total almost doubles that of KC's.

4) More Teicher: "The mark for a 16-game season is 13, set by Baltimore in 1981, and the Chiefs at their current pace won't even get to 10." With six games left, the Chiefs' chances at not breaking that record look about even-keel with John Madden boarding a plane.

5) Head Coach Herm Edwards discusses last year's league-leading sack total by Allen (Editor's Note: He has eight so far in 2008), who, as we know, missed two games: "He was with us last year and he got (15 1/2) sacks, and we still went 4-12," Edwards said. "We got better at a lot of positions through that trade...It worked out well for both parties."

Yes, Herm. It did. The difference, though, is that up in the NFC North, those teams are playing to win the game more often than four times. Your club, good sir, hasn't even come close to 4-12.

In other news, I'm not a betting man, therefore, I couldn't give two shits about what bettors lost due to Sunday's officiating debacle. But what about my fucking fantasy team, you dillholes? (Note: We'll pretend for a moment that fantasy football and betting on football are nothing shy of polar opposites.) My season is one Grand Canyon pebble away from vanishing into the Colorado River. Yes. I entered last night's game with a lead, and yes, I thought for sure I'd lose seeing as how my opponent had Brady Quinn and Lee Evans. Guess what? Quinn put up an ocho; Evans a fucking goose egg. And yes, I had the fucking Steelers D. I hope, SD/Pitt officiating crew, that you all choke on your whistles, and are beaten with terrible towels. Thanks for fucking blowing my playoff chances, you ass clowns.
Read more

And Because It's All (Redacted) on the Western Front...

...I'll take this one. Now, I'll first say that each Denver fan I've spoken with admitted that it was a bad call, or that they were bad calls, or whatever. We should not take away the fact that Denver (for the most part) appeared to have played a pretty solid game, and most certainly should've been in contention for the win. Until the fumble. I guess a rule's a rule, but it would be entirely improfessional of me to let Monday, September 15 (and more so the events of the day prior) breeze by the House of Georges without commentary. That of course, can be found after the jump.

The four-letter network tells us that Ed Hochuli will get lower grades, which allegedly can "impact his status for potentially working the playoffs and ultimately whether or not he is retained." It comes at absolutely zero surprise that in that same story, Mike Shanahan had a different opinion:

"This was the best crew that we have had in the last 20 crews I have graded," Shanahan said. "They did a heck of a job. Every game that you see that is within a point or a field goal over the last couple years, it may be a call or a non-call that wasn't right, but that is the nature of this game. You have to find a way to win.

"We still had the ball at third-and-10 and had to get it into the end zone. Third-and-10 and then fourth-and-4. We still had to make a two-point conversion," Shanahan said. "It wasn't like somebody gave us the touchdown. You have to go out there and still get it done."

No shit, Mike. Nobody every gives anybody a touchdown. Ever. Every team has to go out there and get it done. The argument can be made, though, that an extra possession, when time would've otherwise expired via San Diego downing it, gives you the chance to score. A chance you shouldn't have had. Also in the story is video link titled "Cutler will take win any way he can get it." There's a shocker. Is he still living in Shanahan's basement?

With Leather thinks the fumble was obvious.

The Big Lead (who gives us the following clip) called it their second gift of the afternoon, and suggests Shanahan went for two because there was no way they get three gimmies. To that I say: What? Come on, Mike. You get like nine a season. Who says three in a day can't happen?



The Bronco-lovers at KSK of course have a take.

Perhaps Rumors & Rants has the best headline name for the game.

And naturally, there're are many things being said about it at Deadspin, perhaps the most tenacious being this quote:

"The Chargers will still win the division and kill the Donks next time they play, but that was nothing less than atrocious. I beg you to not let this story die."

And I suppose that's enough about that. Denver gets the win, courtesy of Shanahanigans once more, and San Diego is left to stew.
Read more