Now where was I?

So you were just sitting there in your apartment in the alley next to the Circle K thinking about the House of Georges and wondering, what the heck ever happened to that one Cecil dude who used to post here? Did he give up on sports and become a Cistercian monk? Attempt an around-the-world tour by sea kayak? Find his job disappear in the recession and, facing the grim spectre of homelessness, burn his house down for the insurance cash?

Hah, no, my friends, thanks for your concern, but none of that happened--my insurance wouldn't cover it, those pencil-pushing Mussolinis haven't heard the last of me--I've actually been holed up in a Chinese cave drinking mulled wine since the end of the Buffalo game. But I've recovered and am back to offer you, oh Broncos-lovin' fools, a hearty cupful of Hope, Barry O. style, for the incipient New Year.


Although that hope will not take form in a prediction of Denver victory. There's just no way. Even the Christmas spirit--er, spirits in my case--can't make me ignore this particular oncoming bus accident.

Not only are the Chargers a more talented team, not only is their offense starting to look as it did late last year, not only are they playing at home, in the dark, where they're 3-1, but the Broncos are wearing a toilet seat of hardened, enameled Suck around their collective necks.

All there is to it. This team has no heart, no consistency, an inability to seize opportunity, safeties who couldn't play for a team of head-injured kids in the backyard of Stonymoor Special House and practice squad scrubs at tailback. The kicker doesn't vote, Mike Shanahan has evidently decided that he can show up to work in a breakaway leather cop outfit and not get fired, our most feared pass rusher is none other than Gary Coleman and Invesco Field was built on the bones of the poor, their blood as mortar.

So I expect San Diego to crank out an all-timer tomorrow, something along the AFLian lines of 56-7 or 48-3. I expect Matt Wilhelm to depants Cutler during the 3d Quarter to a hearty guffaw by the Line Judge. I expect Philip Rivers to go 20 for 20 and have enough time in the pocket to soberly contemplate his own mortality. I expect LaDainain Tomlinson to score 5 touchdowns, the last of which will come as he swims into the end zone on his elbows and knees. I expect those noble, most assuredly not-Raider-fan fans of the San Diego squad to hurl light bulbs and used syringes onto the field between plays, at least one of which will give our long snapper Hepatitis A.

The hope I mentioned earlier? That's coming in April. It's time to prep for the draft, thank fucking heavens, the one day of the professional football calendar where no one loses...except the Raiders.

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Friday Funnies: The Denver Broncos Are the Gift That Keeps On Giving

Welcome back to the series of Tubes, beloved House of Georges readership. We talk a lot of Chiefs/Broncos football around here, and in two short days, Kansas City will be playing to not win the game once more, thus securing their worst record in franchise history, while Denver plans on begging the Colts to come to town for a cut-that-meat clinic of epic proportions.

Technically, this post has nothing to do with Shannon Sharpe, but stick a frank in that mitt, and I'll bet he's real skilled at giving the baby batter a jostling. Anyway, it's Friday. You ain't got no job, and you ain't got sh-- to do, so why not join us after the jump, and have a chuckle at the expense of the perhaps 2008 AFC West Champs. Come on. You've already got horse lips. Let's throw in a stoned lineman and a pouty lil' laser-rocket arm. It'll be fun. Promise.

Courtesy of Deadspin, we get a snippet from the Whale's Vagina, that stellar place known as SignOnSanDiego. According to Matt Wilhelm, Jay Cutler is a punk, along with other things that are "unfit for...radio." He also took some other liberties to plug his favorite AFC West signal-caller:

"Philip Rivers is not only one of the best football players I've ever met in my entire life. He is one of the best people off the field," Wilhelm said. "... He'a family man. He's in church every sunday. That's it. That's all you really get is golly and darn. Never a swear word. Never anything rude and crude as I mentioned have been said by one person. It never comes out of Philip's mouth."

Now, I'm not going to say I disagree, or think that Wilhelm is a liar, but I have seen a tiny shred of evidence to the contrary. Just sayin'.

Mr. Wilhelm, in calling Mr. Cutler one of the league's biggest crybabies, took a shot at Tony Gonzalez, too, saying that the two hold a tie-breaker in the whining category. Riiiigggghhht.

Then there's this tidbit from LarryBrownSports that claims recently retired Bronco Matt Lepsis has admitted to burnin' some bush, figuratively speaking. Though the story says Lepsis never admitted which drug(s) he used, he did say this:

“The first thing I did when I woke up in the morning was get high, and I would try to stay that way all day long...”

There is a nicer, holiday-cheerier side to this Denver squad, however. As Kissing Suzy Kolber's Big Daddy Drew reports, the Broncos have given the San Diego Chargers a "seasonal" gift:

From: Denver Broncos
To: San Diego Chargers
Gift: The AFC West

In discussing Sunday's game between the two clubs, BDD reports that "Neither of these flaming shitheaps deserve to make the playoffs, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t stage a fucking awesome game they last time they met. And it doesn’t mean that one of them – the Chargers – couldn't end up winning a playoff game or two once they get in. And they could do it all at the expense of leaving out an 11-5 Patriot team. I think the playoff system should be rejiggered so that this happens every year. I get a Thunderstik in my pants just thinking about it."

Mmmm. Flaming shitheaps. He also suspects that Denver head coach Mike Shanahan may be withholding something from the injury report: "Jay Cutler (asphyxia)." And finally, he's added Shanahan to his "Fire This Asshole" list of coaches that, in his opinion, need to be canned.

Other related miscellany:

Apparently, JJ McCartney, the Voice of the Ogallala Indians for over a 20th of a century, agrees, and he'd like to add that "If you blindly pay allegiance to Mike Shanahan, then I think you expose yourself as a Kool-aid-drinking lemming."

The Big Lead is predicting a Whale's Vagina victory by the score of 41-34.

HercRockFromTheSun agrees with the alleged injury-report shenanigans.

Oh, well. At least there's Eddie "KC" Royal...



Oh, and a Broncos roundup would be ridonculously incomplete, if we didn't drop in on Predominantly Orange. This week's jewel of insight looks like this:



"It comes down to this. A playoff team will be decided as the Broncos face the Chargers in San Diego. This entire season could be extended or it could be put into the record books for all to look back on in disgust."

Deadpan.
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