We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Leaves of Change

There's nothing like the pride a man takes in admiring his freshly cut lawn. Same goes for taking in a neatly shovelled driveway, sidewalk, and stoop. There are a lot of household chores that are frequently dreaded, but often appreciated when done. A tidied garage, trimmed hedges, cleaned-out gutters, they're all humbling. There's one chore I just simply cannot fucking stand though: raking leaves. Nothing in the universe of tasks sucks more rotten egg farts than raking. When I was a kid, we'd put out 100 bags of leaves every autumn. One. Hundred. Now, if you calculate how many piles are assembled, how many times one bends over to scoop up said piles, how many times portions of scooped piles blow away, and how many curse words are uttered and yelled during this process, you'd find enough pure crap in there to fertilize a garden the size of Asia.

What's worse is this: you mow, and you're done for a week. Shovel, and you're off the hook until the next snowfall, and even if it keeps falling uncontrollably, it's still just a storm that will subside in a few days, worst case. This is of course unless you live in Canada or Russia, and in that case, you're duh-umb. How often do we clean the gutters and garage? Trim the hedges? Seasonally. How soon, after raking does it look like you have to rake again? Ten fucking minutes.

That's why I keep the mower nice and tuned up year around. I don't care if it takes 12 passes per square foot to get up the leaves, I ain't raking. I got better shit to do with my time...
Alex Del Monacco



...like rake Alex Del Monacco,

Alina Vacariu



or hang in a hammock with Alina.

Anita Dark



Most chores need to be done by the light of the sun, but a little Anita in the dark never hurts.

Danielle Lloyd



I don't frequently garden indoors, but I can certainly help keep Miss Lloyd's bushes trimmed.

Emily Alexander



Raking though? Huh-uh. The only bags I'm scooping are Emily's.

Farabe Cottingham



Miss Cottingham agrees. She hates leaves, but can certainly appreciate the briskness of fall.

Fernanda Tavares



Fernanda? Same deal. Sand's way better than leaves.

Gemma Massey



Sometimes, hired help is well worth the money. Well worth it.

Jessica Barton



Not only does leaf-falling mean lame work, it means that gone are the days of bare-chested yardwork. I suppose that leaves some shirtless tasks to tackle indoors, though.

Jurgita Valts



Know what else sucks about early fall? It freakin' rains a lot. And that makes raking so much better. I don't like bagging wet stuff. Well, not always, anyway.

Louise Glover



Often, I find it best to ignore the damn leaves, busy myself with indoor entertainment...

Lindsey Strutt



...you know, 'til it's nice out again.

Luisiana Lopilato



Some guys use a blower. I might try that one day.

Monica Bellucci



I'd much rather lay back, though,

Samantha Blake



and appreciate the unchanging beauty that's not in my yard.

Suzanne Carlson



That's why the ocean's cool: It gets cold. You don't get in it. Then it's warm again for you to enjoy, without even lifting a finger.

Tasha Nicole



Or the mountains. You know that underneath those layers, they're always there, and inviting.

Tiffany Selby



It'd be nice if our yard was like our car. We could put it in the garage when we weren't using it, and take it out, beautiful just like we left it.

And that's it for today. I hate you, leaves. When I'm forced to deal with you, I feel like a Gorilla in a Mask.