Sunday, September 23, 2007

Couch-Scout V.2: Jaguars & Broncos

Oh, wait. Sorry. Guess that image is just a smidge out of date.

I missed previewing the Chefs game as per my contract. So let's catch both of you up:

Adrian Peterson humiliates Ty Law on touchdown run, Huard et al appear to have just picked up this "tackle football" thing earlier in the week, Vikings D not giving Inverted Vagina Symbol any room, Vikings kick field goal. Vikings 10-0.

Chefs suddenly show some life, recover a Peterson fumble and complete a few passes. Chefs inside the 30, IVS slams helmet after penalty simply to remove all doubt about what a whiny ass infant he truly is, Chefs settle for a try. 10-3 Land O' a Thousand Lakes.

Now on to the good game. The Broncos of Denver--but really, all of Colorado, not to mention points Montana north and New Mexico south--take on Jacksonville's favorite/only pro team, the Jaguars.

I am of mixed mind about this game. Normally I have a guess, a reading from the ol' Magic 8 Ball that I can feel confident about. Last week, for example, I guessed we'd blow the Raiders back to the East Bay.

I was right about that, except for the long stretches of time that I wasn't. This week is different. The Magic 8 Ball displays a question mark superimposed on an upraised middle finger. Thanks. Fucking smartass Boomer toy.

The Jags haven't run on anyone but have potentially the league's best running game, with Maurice Jones-Drew (when did guys start hyphenating their names? I blame Alex Dorgan-Ross) and Fred Taylor. The Broncos are giving up a 150+ on the turf and haven't faced a team with that kind of legpower. On the flip, we're chokin' the life outta other teams' passing games--even with the McCown/Losman factor on our side. But David Garrard has played well so far. Also the Jags D had 7 sacks last week. No pinche bueno, that.

But their side of beef on the D-line, John Henderson, is doubtful with a "head" issue. raised an interesting notion: what if Mike Tice and Jack Del Rio are calling it that so they don't have to to treat it like what it is, a concussion? A sneaky way around the league's strict new guidelines, perchance? In any case, he's woozy, which will make it easier for some talentless, malevolent scrub like Chris Meyers to cut his legs out and ruin his career.

What it comes down to for me is our run defense against their backs. (I know, that's a hell of an insight. Stick around for my crop forecast. Hint: stay far, far away from beets, sugar and otherwise, in '08). If we hold 'em to 110 yards between the two we win by two touchdowns. If not...I don't wanna think about it.

Broncos 13, Jaguars 10.

And yes, Peter King picked the exact same score. I can hear what you're saying with my interweb mega-ears and you can go choke on a bowl of dicks.


blairjjohnson said...

Yes. The good game. Excellent phraseage. That game was beyond good. The perfect afternoon spectacle, to cap off the non-Land-O-Lakes victory. I'm going to make an effort to fumble consecutive kickoff returns and go for it on 4th and 6 as often as possible. Good stuff, Shanizzle.

Cecil said...

Yep. That's the power of a HoG post--my positivity can affect the team's fortunes.

I really don't know what that was. When you go for it on 4th down on your own 5 yard

Even so, it was near brilliant. All Dan Graham needed to do was catch the fucking ball that hit him on the hands. Ah, regret. We're 2-1 and still lead the division. At least for one more week until we meet the Colts.

I had a bad feeling about this team. Bad tackling, mistakes at the wrong time. We may be headed for an 8-8 campaign.