We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Callin' Yer Shot

Every once in a while we throw up a post in haste. This is one of those every once in a whiles. It's quite possible that I've thrown up this array of talent before, but I'm too short-sided on the memory front, too lazy to look it up, and too drunk to make any better sense of the whole mess. The nugget of the piece, though, should be remembered as such: Denver fans have a tendency to have fluidity with their teams. And by "teams" I mean Broncos. They could ultimately care less about the Rockies, Nuggets, or Avalanche, but when it comes to the beloved orange and blue, they'll go to the grave with whatever retardedness a current or former Bronco says. And that's unfortuneate. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you.

Old No. 7, citing inspiration earlier in the day, threw up this post, and 'tis true that he did vomit it. It's unfortuneate that he attached his name to it in many ways, only a few of which can I bring myself to muster. They, however, look like this:



1) "Shannon was snubbed by the Hall of Fame back in February, which is of course preposterous." Shannon Sharpe deserves to be in the Hall of Fame? For what? Being the biggest tool to ever don an NFL uniform?



Sure. he set some records and owns a few rings. Who cares. No. Really. Let's take a non-Denver poll...(Editor's Note: Crickets.) He was, at one time, a pretty good tight end. He'll never be anything more. If he gets elected into Canton, only then will we see the real exhibit of preposterity.



But it gets worse, I assure you. Seven, in his infinite wisdom, decided to allocate a box quote to the Hall's most unworthy recipient since Scott Norwood:



"But I never played on a 2-14 team two years in a row," Sharpe said.



I ask you, non-short-bus-riding citizens: To whom does this retard (Sharpe) refer? Who has gone 2-14 in consecutive seasons? I'm Jack Bauer up in this bitch. That is to say, I'm lost.



Oh, no. Please. Wait. The best point of all is yet to come.



You see, Denver Bronco fans like to attribute their back-to-back Super Bowl victories to one man.



Personally, I don't take away from the fact that they won two consecutive titles.



If there was a feasible way to negate that piece of history -- trust me -- I'd already have the patent.



The fact remains, though, that Denver fans, Old No. 7 specifically, like to attribute such feats to one man in particular.



Over here on Planet Earth, however, we're aware of the notion that -- regardless of late last calls, fat chicks, and country inbreeding, it takes a team to win.



In Denver, however, the belief is quite the opposite.



You have a tight end, who blatantly feels responsible for the franchise's successes, as evidenced by his horse-lipped mouth:



"He's all they had. I only lost five playoff games. He's lost three already."



Mos' Def, Horse Lips.



Like in 1997, when the Chiefs went 13-3, then lost to Denver. That'd be off-subject.



Tony Gonzalez was what?



Oh, that's right.



A rookie.



He had 33 catches for 368 yards and two scores that year.



But you know, it was his fault that the Chiefs lost that game.



And don't even get me started on the row-add cookin' touchdown pass he caught where he was pushed out of bounds by a cheatin' Bronco.



So, as you can plainly see, Shannon Sharpe suggests that Denver playoff losses and wins are solely attributed to him and him only, and the same can be said for Kansas City, the Chiefs, and Tony Gonzalez.

And now would be a bad time, I assume, to mention Sharpe's rookie stats. What? No? It wouldn't? Okay, well if you insist...

...seven catches for 99 yards and one touchdown. In 14 years, he accomplished less, at his exact same position, than Tony accomplished in 12. But, you know, throw in a quarterback that refused to play for the team by which he was drafted, and wah-lah -- Sharpe's better, and a guaranteed first-ballot guy.

Makes sense...

...except for the fact that in Kansas City, we focus on team. Not one guy. Tony is part of a team. John Elway was part of a team. Tony, as part of the Chiefs teams, hasn't won a playoff game. Elway, as part of a team, won many, and of course, ensuing championships, but over here on Planet Reality, we chalk that success up to the whole team, whereas a guy like Shannon, ultimate HOFer that he may be, continues to whine, along with his afficionados -- that he missed out on first-ballot status. And for that we can only say, help yourself to the box of Puffs, ese.
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More Kansas City Sportswriter, Bloggish Business

It comes as no surprise that Joe Posnanski's blog is crammed full of good writing on a regular basis. What I really appreciate about what the guy's doing -- beyond pumping out thousands of quality words a day -- is that he just plain gets it. He's like that elderly sage that can offer worldly advice about Roth IRAs, gardening tips, and tell stories of Shoeless Joe Jackson while eating a slice of pizza and dominating a game of Super Mario Kart.

Seriously. Posnanski, in the last couple of days, has shared with his readership, tales of his formative years as a sportswriter, what it's like to get heavy criticism from Bob Costas, his take on the sports bloggery/journalism/Bissinger debate, all while doing the same clever things us under-to-not-at-all paid, uncredentialed bloggers do, i.e. make references to our own laziness, drop GoreTubes one-liners, and offer the bring-it-back-to-reality opinion that everyone's made too much of the Leinart photos on Deadspin, all of which I appreciate.

I haven't bought his latest book yet. I'm eager to read it, but I think I'm even more eager for the book he's working on about the 1975 Cincinnati Reds. I love this paragraph, largely because it could absolutely have been written by me, except for the fact that I wouldn't have written it as well:

I am entirely fascinated by the people and teams that have haunted my sports experiences. I’ve always thought, in a modest way, that I could write a good John Elway book because I cannot stand that son of a gun. He has stuck so many knives in me through the years that my blood has gone orange. I believe my own fan relationship with Elway — the guy who broke my heart over and over again — could be more interesting than the view of some big John Elway fan. Anyway, it would be to me.

(Editor's Note: It should be noted that Posnanski grew up in Cleveland, which makes him a huge Browns fan. He has lived in Kansas City for some time now, with his wife and children, and he writes about sports for a living, which makes him, to some degree, a Chiefs fan. Though I've never seen any solid evidence to back this up, I'm told that this Elway character notched a victory or two over one or both of these teams at some point in the past.)

I also love the fact that Posnanski has an affinity for Pete Rose, even today. That's two things we have in common. Actually, there're a lot more than that, but whatever. Another thing about the guy, though, is that he has no shame in promoting his own book on his own Web site. And he can do so in one sentence while throwing links to his colleagues' sites in the next. Speaking of which, here's Aaron Barnhart's recent interview with Costas regarding the nature of things, which links to Richard Sandomir's The New York Times piece, and Sam Mellinger's take on the same subject.

And that is a ton of reading, most of which is good, all of which has been covered to depths I'd never imagined possible.
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