My Sports Life is a Rock Song: "My (Redacted) Wants to Kill Your Mama"

Yass, yass! Dust off the archives shelves, kids. It's time for that grand old skeleton from the closet, "My Sports Life is a Rock Song." By now you know how to peruse the tools in the House, so if you're interested in seeing how long it's been since we cranked out one of these features, let your own damn fingers do the walking. As usual, we're going to uncomfortably force a theme in music with a theme in sports, and why not take two of the most peculiar chaps in the history of both categories, and make a post sandwich out of them. Epic fail, just after the jump.

If you're a Royals fan, and you've felt irked by the early-season performances (Editor's Note: You may of course peep in the comments here for his current streak.) of relief pitcher Kyle Farnsworth, you're not alone. I personally don't have that big a beef with the dude taking up a roster spot. He comes in. He pipes some high 90s action down the pipe. He gets a few strikeouts, gives up a few (sometimes game-winning) jacks, and he of course, serves a purpose. But you, the TalkRadio callers, the HoG readers, and the racist K brawlers, have been peeved by his existence in a Royals uniform, and Manager Trey Hillman's various decisions to call to the bullpen for his services. And you're entitled.

I, on the other hand, know that Frank Zappa's guitar wanted to kill some broad's mama, and (your relief pitcher) Kyle Farnsworth may well in fact kill your family some day. But you can't do anything about either of those things, so you may as well listen to some Frank, and root, root, root for Kansas City to handle the St. Louis Cardinals this weekend.



You know the fans, and the presses
Sayin' he's no good for you.
They call him dirty, Kyle Farnsworth
Til they don't know what to do.

I get so tired of the Trey Hillmans
When they pick up the bullpen phones.
I'd rather see ol' Jimmy Gobble
or the 50 year-old David Cones!
Said don't bring him in no more!

I can't take it.

The Professor wants to kill your mama.
The Professor wants to kill your mama.
The Professor wants to burn your dad,
He gets real mean when ya' make him mad!



Later, after the pressers,
George Brett said it wasn't fair.
He was a-screamin', and a-cussin'
askin' Jack Harry how you dare?

I get so tired of the Trey Hillmans
When they pick up the bullpen phones.
I'd rather see ol' Jimmy Gobble
or the 50 year-old David Cones!
Said don't bring him in no more!

I can't take it.

The Professor wants to kill your mama.
The Professor wants to kill your mama.
The Professor wants to burn your dad,
He gets real mean when ya' make him mad!

(a good Detroit-KC link here)

Before we get to the rest of our Friday business, allow me to notify you that your responses to the t-shirt drive have been greatly appreciated and we hope the orders keep rolling in. At this rate, we'll be able to sponsor the Professor's page (approval currently pending) until Old No. 7's kid is playing little league.

Huzzah!