My Sports Life is a Rock Song: "My (Redacted) Wants to Kill Your Mama"

Yass, yass! Dust off the archives shelves, kids. It's time for that grand old skeleton from the closet, "My Sports Life is a Rock Song." By now you know how to peruse the tools in the House, so if you're interested in seeing how long it's been since we cranked out one of these features, let your own damn fingers do the walking. As usual, we're going to uncomfortably force a theme in music with a theme in sports, and why not take two of the most peculiar chaps in the history of both categories, and make a post sandwich out of them. Epic fail, just after the jump.

If you're a Royals fan, and you've felt irked by the early-season performances (Editor's Note: You may of course peep in the comments here for his current streak.) of relief pitcher Kyle Farnsworth, you're not alone. I personally don't have that big a beef with the dude taking up a roster spot. He comes in. He pipes some high 90s action down the pipe. He gets a few strikeouts, gives up a few (sometimes game-winning) jacks, and he of course, serves a purpose. But you, the TalkRadio callers, the HoG readers, and the racist K brawlers, have been peeved by his existence in a Royals uniform, and Manager Trey Hillman's various decisions to call to the bullpen for his services. And you're entitled.

I, on the other hand, know that Frank Zappa's guitar wanted to kill some broad's mama, and (your relief pitcher) Kyle Farnsworth may well in fact kill your family some day. But you can't do anything about either of those things, so you may as well listen to some Frank, and root, root, root for Kansas City to handle the St. Louis Cardinals this weekend.



You know the fans, and the presses
Sayin' he's no good for you.
They call him dirty, Kyle Farnsworth
Til they don't know what to do.

I get so tired of the Trey Hillmans
When they pick up the bullpen phones.
I'd rather see ol' Jimmy Gobble
or the 50 year-old David Cones!
Said don't bring him in no more!

I can't take it.

The Professor wants to kill your mama.
The Professor wants to kill your mama.
The Professor wants to burn your dad,
He gets real mean when ya' make him mad!



Later, after the pressers,
George Brett said it wasn't fair.
He was a-screamin', and a-cussin'
askin' Jack Harry how you dare?

I get so tired of the Trey Hillmans
When they pick up the bullpen phones.
I'd rather see ol' Jimmy Gobble
or the 50 year-old David Cones!
Said don't bring him in no more!

I can't take it.

The Professor wants to kill your mama.
The Professor wants to kill your mama.
The Professor wants to burn your dad,
He gets real mean when ya' make him mad!

(a good Detroit-KC link here)

Before we get to the rest of our Friday business, allow me to notify you that your responses to the t-shirt drive have been greatly appreciated and we hope the orders keep rolling in. At this rate, we'll be able to sponsor the Professor's page (approval currently pending) until Old No. 7's kid is playing little league.

Huzzah!
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Historically Speaking: 1-23-09

That's right, mother-scratchers. We made it. Now, the only challenge left is to get through today as unscathed as possible, not to mention with minimal work involved. Let's start the day off, though, with some sometimes-fun facts, courtesy of your friendly House of Georges team. Remember to breathe between bites, and pound a water between beers. Peace, y'all.

* Fifty-nine years ago today, the National Football League approved the unlimited-substitution rule that they'd experiemented with the previous season.

* Three years later, a little NFL franchise known as the Dallas Texans were moved to Baltimore, (Editor's Note: Redacted) where they took on the team colors of blue and white and became known as the Baltimore Colts. The franchise began as the Miami Seahawks in the All-American Football Conference, but was dissolved by the league after winning a total of 11 games in four seasons. The league granted Baltimore another go at a franchise when they were able to sell 15,000 season tickets in six weeks. The team remained for over 30 years until ownership at the time moved the club to Indianapolis where they continue to play today.

* In 1962, Bob Feller and Jackie Robinson were elected to baseball's Hall of Fame.

* Orenthal James Simpson became the first Heisman Trophy winner to be elected to the NFL Hall of Fame in 1985.

* And in 1993, a young lady by the name of Nancy Kerrigan won the U.S. Women's Figure Skating Championship. "Why, why?" Because she was the best, silly.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day comes from the mouth of...



...former New York Ranger Don Maloney. The winger was asked, circa 1982, to share a New Year's resolution, to which he replied, "To get as many goals this year as Wayne Gretzky got last week."
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Breakfast In Augusta

And we're off, in this cheap desperate ploy for more readers. If you're affiliated with the Masters Invitational pool and are reading this blog for the first time, welcome. We hope you're not offended by our course language, blatant disregard for for the rules of journalism (and grammar) and consistent wrongness in prediction...actually we're not. We hope you are offended, new readers. Fuck you and the mule you rode in on. We hope you hate the HoG and never, ever come back. Readers are a needless accesory to this endeavor.

Quickly, I must address the last post by our blog's administrator, the (redacted). I have no objection to his making sport of the NFL's greatest coach. But the photo was in very poor taste. Yes, that fat lady did show up for Denver Broncos cheerleader tryouts. But so did these. And these. And these, with The Man in back. Smokin'. Just because one tubby tried to make the squad, that's no reason to denigrate the lovely ladies who don the orange and blue. Of course, none of these broads hold a candle to the Kansas City Chiefs Cheerleaders.

Anyhoo, back to the links. The Masters Invitational was, of course dominated by the selections of one Eldrick Woods, the world's No. 1 player and a pretty fair puller of tail. Tiger appeared on eight of the 12 entries, but only three participants elected to start him for Rounds One and Two. Savin' the big gun for the weekend, I assume. Best of luck with that strategy, gents, and we'll see you this afternoon.

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