Baseball In The Daytime: May 5

It's good to be back. I patrolled the outfield of Baseball In The Daytime for the better part of the last two years, but my recent foray into fatherhood has me showing up to work pretty near the seventh-inning stretch of these early games. Many thanks to Bankmeister for ably tackling this daunting assignment.

Now Bank himself is tied up by domestic obligations--I think he either had bail an uncle out of the clink or get treated for a "social" disease. Whatever, you're stuck with me today, kids. Let's all work together and we'll get through this. Crack a brew and peruse this afternoon's array of day baseball, after the jump:

Houston @ Washington, 10:35 Mountain The Astros get one in at Nationals Park against the onetime Senators today, as they send their ace Roy Oswalt up against Scott Olsen. Oswalt is still looking for his first win of the season, here over five weeks in. He's not pitching poorly, per se, but his team is atrocious. After the ill-advised free-agent signings of Pudge Rodriguez, Mike Hampton and (guh) Russ Ortiz, the Astros sit a game and a half back of the Pirates in the cellar of the NL Central.

Cleveland @ Toronto, 1:37 The Tribe and the BJs will attempt to top last night's spectacle at Rogers Centre, as Anthony Reyes and Brett Cecil match wits. Toronto's Brian Tallet took a sloppy no-hitter (3 walks, an error and a hit batsman) into the seventh on Monday, but a Ryan Garko single was followed by a titanic Matt LaPorta ding dong, his first big league hit. LaPorta came over from Milwaukee as the centerpiece of last year's C.C. Sabathia trade, but why are we talking about that fat fuck? There's a game to be played, on some smooth Canadian plastic grass, eh.

San Francisco @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Reigning NL Cy Younger Tim Lincecum battles sheepish Chicago fifth starter Sean Marshall in this rematch of, um, several thousand games over the last century and a quarter. The Giants used to play in New York, you know, and the Cubs used to be called the Whales. But that's just a bunch of blubber.

Baltimore @ Tampa, 2:08 All right, Bay-Rays, I've had just about enough of this fucking crap. First we had the White Sox starting their games at 7:11 local time to pimp a convenience store. Then the God damned Blue Jays had to go with seven past the hour as a start time, for some perverted reason. Now you, you miserable fluky shitbag joke of a franchise, insist on scheduling your first pitch at :08 after. Why? Why in God's name must you do this? Are your inbred, toothless, cousin-poking fans unable to make it to the yard at the top of the hour? I hate the Bay-Rays.

Koji Uehara starts for the visitors today, while Matt Garza takes the ball for the home nine. Uehara was imported from Japan in the offseason, and he'll try to whizz a number of what Bill Parcells would call "surprise" pitches past Tampa's lineup. No offense. Garza nearly hurled a perfect game against the Red Sox last time out, and should never, ever be left out of your fantasy team's starting lineup for any reason.

Texas @ Seattle, 2:40 You'll notice I've left broadcast information out of these previews, because I honestly don't care how you watch or listen to these games. I've subscribed to the Extra Innings satellite package for years, but I canned it this year because diapers are really expensive. It's highly recommended by me (Extra Innings, not diapers). This season I'm watching baseball via the MLB.TV internet subscription, which comes on computers now. Also awesome, although there are a few glitches that will piss you off. And, as always, you can listen to every game on the XM Radio, one of my faves.

You can also do nothing, get your hometown team over the free airwaves, and most likely be just fine. Just make sure you tune in to Basbeall In The Daytime to see what you're missing. Play Ball!