Poring the Draft, V. 2

So ESPN's Hashmarks bloggers, Matt Mosley and Mike Sando, are live-blogging the combine. As per the usual, their posts are more in-jokes than actual football analysis or reporting.

Mosley, in addition to being a shameless Cowboys homer, likes to pal around with athletes. That's great if you're a hooker and you want Osi Umenyiora to pay you to serve as his Port-a-John, but kinda suspect for a journalist. Sando is better, but there isn't as much of him, and Mosley seems to be rubbing off; so all in all the whole affair becomes a thousand posts about nothing, like a footballian Seinfeld episode.

Still, there's always something for a trembling draft junkie like myself to uncover within the storm of bullshit about where Dom Capers ate dinner last night. Let's look at what, exactly, that is.


* Colt Brennan, in addition to having some of the worst hair in the history of Sport, sounds like a fucking doucheclock. Evidently, his in-person interviews and press conference became a forum for him to bitch about the unfairness of life, specifically the unfairness of being arrested for sexual assault and kicked out of the University of Colorado. Boo. Fucking. Hoo.

(Now, don't get me started on CU. I can't stand that fucking school, but I have multiple siblings who went there and can't hate Dan Hawkins the way I did Gary Barnett, so I'm currently engaged in a state of uneasy emotional detente. There will be no gratuitous brickbats...yet. Not until the Rams lose by 45 in Fairchild's debut. Then the gloves, they will be discarded. Anyway, back to the topic at hand.)

Colt, the people who kicked you out had larger issues than worrying about some rich Cali kid's feelings. You landed on your feet in fucking Hawaii, of all places, and became a folk hero by beating the dogslobber out of Div. II teams. You probably got more Island 'tang than a Samoan astronaut. You smoked the finest tweeds, never had to get tackled by anyone weighing more than 170 pounds and broke about 23 NCAA records. So quit your goddamn whining. Life isn't fair, you're right, but it sure seemed to work out OK for you, huh? Now get busy falling off the board completely and preparing for life in the Arena League.

* Brian Brohm, who said he won't throw in Indy, becomes yet another QB who thinks NFL personnel guys will be more impressed by a good showing in controlled conditions than by gutting it out in an unfamiliar one.

I've heard all the reasons pro-, and I think they're all bullshit. Sure, most of the rest of the top picks will skip workouts, but what does Glenn Dorsey have to prove? Quarterbacks have to be able to tuck that thing into their sock. They have to show their mettle in less-than-ideal conditions. No one wants to give a big signing bonus to the next David Carr.

So get your NFL-issued shorts on and work out with the receivers at the combine, kid--no one cares if you're good in a bubble. Jay Cutler worked out at Indy; the fact that he did was at least partially responsible for pushing him all the way up to No. 11. Right now, Brohm is a second-rounder at best, and no matter how great he looks in a vacuum-sealed workout at Louisville, refusing to throw in front of every GM in the league is a massive mistake.

Wow..re-reading that, it's almost like I give a shit about Brian Brohm. Allow me to re-phrase: go fuck yourself, Brohm. Refuse to take part in every drill, drop out of the draft, move to Alabama and open a Gas 'N' Sip.

* Everyone, and by that I mean a few people, seems to love Jonathan Stewart of Oregon. I hear speculation that he'll run a low 4.4, which seems suspect, but if he does he's probably the second back off the board (which he might be anyway, but still). Would I love Denver to grab a kid like this? Un-fucking-doubtedly. He's got power, he played against good competition and he's built the way an NFL starter should be.

But they won't, because drafting a back not named Adrian Peterson or Darren McFadden in the first round is a bad idea. And because they can grab someone else later. Which you'll get to read about in my upcoming mock. Which will be awesome, and which will make you piss yourself like Isaac Hilton (thanks to the Silv for that one.)