Minding The Stove

I don't know what on God's green earth "Hot Stove League" means, but I love it. Baseball has a tremendously entertaining offseason and geeks like me are enthralled by all of the moves and rumors. Here today is fellow geek and notorious Yankee homer Rustoleum to go over some of what's gone down thus far.
Old No. 7: Thus far the biggest moves have been made by the Angels. I've long been a critic of their GM, Bill Stoneman, for being way too conservative with his farm system and letting his major league offense rot. Stoneman stepped down and was nominally replaced by Tony Reagins, although I feel the old man still has a say in big decisions.

Anyway, they traded Orlando Cabrera for Jon Garland, which I think is a bad move. Cabrera was the second-best hitter on the team, a defensive whiz and a loose, positive leader type. Garland is middle of the road at best. They then surprised baseball by winning the Torii Hunter sweepstakes—he'll play center while last year's semi-bust Gary Mathews Jr. slides to a corner spot. You like what the Angels are doing, can you tell me why?

Rustoleum: I’m glad someone else thought that trading Cabrera didn’t make a lot of sense, especially for Garland. I mean the one thing the Angels have is pitching, were they hoping he could come in and be the next Bartolo? I guess the fact of the matter is they are probably going to try and trade one of their younger starters, but who? You know Lackey, Escobar, and probably Weaver won’t get moved. I could see Saunders but his upside seems to be more than that of Garland, who’s best season was two years ago when he went 18-7 for a loaded White Sox roster. His ERA that year was 4.50 with a .297 baa. That leaves Ervin Santana, who you know the Angels would love to unload, but who in their right mind would want that chump? If they were smart they’d call the Pirates, because not only would they take Santana, they would probably send their best two or three prospects back.

I think Cabrera will be harder to replace than the Angels think and if they think Erick Aybar is the answer, they should just trade away Vlad right now… preferably to the Yankees. Cabrera hit over .300 last year, and had a surprisingly high (for a shortstop… on that team) 86 RBIs. He’s good for 100 runs and 20-30 SBs, and like you said can also flash the leather.

The good news for the Angels is they are getting Torii Hunter. Now I know OLD number seven didn’t think it was a good move, but I think (especially after dumping Cabrera) that this was the most positive move the Angels have had since getting Vlad. You’re talking about one of the top two or three center fielders in the game. He’s a high energy guy and a total defensive stud. He was the heart and soul of the Twins, they are going to sorely miss him. Coming off of one his best years hitting, you’re looking at a guy who will probably hit .270 to .280, have 30 jacks, 20 steals, 100 runs, and 100 RBIs . He’s exactly what the Angels needed...besides a third baseman.

So I guess overall I’m kind of split on the Angels offseason so far, but maybe they can steal Miguel Cabrera and become the Red Sox West.

Old No. 7: Your team, the Yankees, retained Alex Rodriguez. He's obviously the best player in baseball, but do you wish they'd mixed things up a bit?

Rustoleum: Well he's still not signed, yet, but obviously the Yankees are really the only team who can afford to have A-Rod on their roster and not totally tear the team apart. I’d have liked to have seen the Yankees do things a little differently, but frankly having the best player in baseball on your team doesn’t hurt. The Yanks are kind of a weird team, frankly there isn’t anyone out there free agent wise that could have helped them besides Torii Hunter (I wish the Mariners weren’t able to re-sign Ichiro). The one thing they sorely need is starting pitching (who doesn’t?) and not really old ones. I mean you have to like the younger ones that are coming along. Phil Hughes, Ian Kennedy, The Wanger, and we’ll see what they do with Joba. Of course if they decide to start Joba, we’re a bit screwed in middle relief. But we’re the Yankees we can buy some middle relief.

Old No. 7: Speaking of the same old song and dance, your boys also brought back Posada and Rivera, and if Pettitte isn't back in pinstripes next year I'll buy you a beer. Assuming, of course, that he isn't named in the Mitchell Report like he was in the Jason Grimsley indictment. How do you feel about rehashing these same old guys that haven't won anything since last century?

Rustoleum: The rehashing is fine, as long as you sprinkle in some youth and the Yankees are getting there. I like the Yankees' shot with Cabrera, Cano, and the young pitchers. Pettitte had a quietly good year and you need some veterans to give the leadership that A-Rod will never give you. Posada is coming off of his best season ever and keeps improving every year. Re-signing Rivera for three years is a bit nerve racking, but guys are playing into their forties regularly now. There can be something good said about the HGH. Besides, I’d way rather have these guys coming back as your vets than say Mark Grudzielanek or Mike Sweeney.

Old No. 7: The last time the Red Sox won the World Series they jettisoned much of the team. Dave Roberts, Cabrera, Pedro Martinez, Derek Lowe, Alan Embree, Bill Mueller and Kevin Millar were all let go, and Johnny Damon followed a year later. Obviously it eventually worked out, because they're back on top with a deeper, younger team. But it sucked seeing those guys that delivered a championship leave.

Rustoleum: That’s not even a fucking question. You just had to get that in, didn’t you. The only ones that piss me off more than you, OLD no. 7 from New York, are the bandwagon fans...you know the ones who wear that stupid, fucking B on their hats (especially the pink or green hats). If the Royals were to make it to third place one of these years, do you think they would start making pink hats too?

Old No. 7: No, but they are wearing the powder blues again in ’08—nice. If you’d relax a little bit I’ll get to the question. This year, the Sox retained Curt Schilling and Mike Lowell with what I consider very smart contracts. Both took pay cuts from their last deals, and both took fewer years than what was speculated would be required to retain them. Does anyone do it better than Theo?

Rustoleum: Maybe you should ask his boyfriend, next question.

Old No. 7: I think that all the subjective crap about baseball is a joke—the awards and the Hall Of Fame and all that shit the writers vote on. I can't think of a group of assholes that do a worse job than baseball writers, and they have pretty much the best gig in the world. Check out this link, and this one too.

Rustoleum: I couldn’t agree more. I still can’t believe Feinsand’s reasoning to why he left Beckett off of his Cy Young ballot. Wins are overrated? That is pretty ridiculous, last I heard winning baseball games was a good thing, unless you’re the Marlins or the Royals. And his comments about quality starts, try throwing C.C. or Carmona in the AL East and I have a feeling that neither would have as high of quality start percentage. And last I heard a quality start could mean your ERA was 4.50, that to me is an overrated stat. Also, the fact of C.C beating Johan three times this year is all fine and dandy, but the twins sucked. Their offense was pathetic and Johan would win games in spite of the Twins only scoring one or two runs. So if he gave up three, he pretty much wasn’t going to get the win. I understand if you thought C.C. had a better year, but leaving Beckett off of the ballot is a shame and you probably shouldn’t be voting. That was like leaving Ripken or Gwynn off your HOF ballot...or Jimmy Rollins winning MVP.

Old No. 7: It's obvious to me that the Rockies got hosed. You can make an individual argument against Tulowitzki for the Gold Glove and Rookie Of The Year, Holliday for MVP, Hurdle for Manager Of The Year and Francis for Cy Young, but to have that kind of season and get shut out is a traveshamockery. Can you justify the job the baseball writers do?

Rustoleum: I know a lot of people who haven’t watched the Rockies that closely (and probably not a lot of baseball) still believe that Coors skews numbers, but that argument has started to get very old. Although the home runs were the highest they’ve been in three years (since 2005: 325, 312, 335), it doesn’t even compare to the stretch before the humidor was brought in (02-04: 377, 398, 400). That said I certainly have no problem with Peavy winning the Cy Young over Jeff Francis. As fine a year as Francis (17-9, 4.22) had, Peavy won the triple crown and hands down should have won the award. I can understand Bob Melvin getting the Manager of the year; as miserable as the Rox were last year, the D-Backs were just as bad and they ended up with the best regular season record in the NL. You can also make cases for Rollins and Braun winning MVP and ROY, but I do think Holliday and Tulo got hosed a bit.

The award, though, that makes very little sense to me is the Gold Glove that the writers stole away from Tulo. Rollins was third in the NL in fielding percentage, while Tulo was number one at arguably the hardest position on the field… and he’s a rookie! Tulo had the exact amount of errors as Rollins, in almost 100 more attempts. And that gun that Tulo displayed all year was unmatched. But what do I know, we should ask the smartest baseball writer in the world, Mark Feinsand.

Old No. 7: As interesting as this offseason has been already, we could blow the lid off the whole thing if either Miguel Cabrera of Johan Santana get moved. Do you think the Yankees have a shot at either, and where do you think they'll end up on Opening Day?

Rustoleum: I really don’t think either of them will get moved before the season starts. I believe Jayson Stark put it best when he talked about these teams holding on to Cabrera and Johan, to at least give the appearance that they are going in to the season thinking they aren’t tanking right off the bat. While I think the Twins believe in this philosophy, I’m sure the Marlins don’t give a shit about their fans and would take an offer and then try to move out of town, perhaps KC could use another team. The best move, in my opinion, would be to listen to offers, but wait until you get closer to the trading deadline for desperate teams to start throwing as much as they can. And as much as I would love to see the Yankees get either of these players, I really don’t think the Yankees have enough of anything to make a run. That said, if they could make a run at Santana, they should do anything in their power to get him.
Read more

Tradition Twednesday: Kicked In The Crotch

So much for that temporary upswing. After a pair of brutal losses, the two teams that make up The Tradition are back in the shitter. Sure, either could mathematically make the playoffs, and the Broncos actually stand a decent chance of winning the division should they sweep their remaining AFC West games. But come on. These are bad times.

It took me a couple days to really get over the loss in Chicago. To completely dominate that game, to have Jay Cutler once again play reasonably well (except on third down), and to hold a 14-point lead with five minutes to go—man, that’s a shitty way to lose.

I’ve had the haters throw the same two-word invective at me all week: “Devin Hester!” Keep it coming, dicks. Devin Hester did not cost the Broncos that game. If you’re stabbed, do you blame the knife or the man wielding it? It was the arrogance and stupidity of the Denver coaching staff that allowed the Bears to stay in the game with the Hester returns.

Let’s examine the decision we had: Kick it to Hester, who will score touchdowns if he gets the ball often enough—Champ Kind tells us that it’s a scientific fact. Or give the ball to Sexy Rexy in decent field position after booting the ball out of bounds. Hester or Rex? Rex or Hester? THIS DECISION IS SO FUCKING EASY IT MUST BE A TRICK—kick it to Hester.

But even with those two returns, the Broncos still had that two-touchdown lead late in the fourth and managed to blow it. Had Sauerbrun simply eaten the ball when it was inevitable that punt would be blocked, or had Cutler converted more than one third down the entire blessed game, Jesus. Let’s move on to happier subjects, shall we?

Like the other end of The Tradition’s I-70 corridor, Arrowhead Stadium. Where the Kansas City Chiefs surrendered the Raiders’ first division win in three years. Bankmeister has been promising a rant about Coach Herman, and I have no doubt he’ll deliver the whoopin’ that Herman deserves. I’ll just say this to the Coach: What took you so long, buddy?

This was the game that NFL fans have been waiting for since Herman skipped out on his Jets contract and took his vaudeville act to Kansas City. In New York he was famous (or infamous, if you talk to fans of the J! E! T! S! Jets! Jets! Jets!) for two things: hilarious press conferences and hideous clock management. Check and check. Late in the game, down three, Herman took a timeout to brood over a replay decision. Then he burned another timeout on the failed challenge. Then he passed up a potential tying field goal and went for it on fourth and one. The run up the middle was stuffed, the Raiders took possession and ground out the clock. Wow.

The blame for the whole affair has been conveniently shifted from Herman to poor kicker Dave Rayner. The Chiefs cut Rayner yesterday and signed the ancient foot of Chili John Carney. They could have, as I’ve detailed many, many times, drafted excellent college kicker Mason Crosby in April (or simply held on to solid Lawrence Tynes). KC instead passed on Crosby (who’s having a great year in Green Bay and on my fantasy team) and picked UCLA’s Justin Medlock. Medlock was awful, yet Herman stuck with him until he couldn’t stick with him no more. At which point he nabbed Rayner, who’d been displaced by Crosby in Green Bay.

It’s this shameful mishandling of the kicking game that cost both Denver and KC games last Sunday. That and dumb coaching decisions. It’s probably a little late to fix either issue in ’07, so stock that liquor cabinet up for the stretch run, kids. This one could get ugly.

On a side note, the Chiefs’ new kicker has provided the missing link for our December 9 tailgate menu. We’ll start off with grilled bacon breakfast burritos—the breakfast of champions mid-first round draft choices. And we’ll serve my award-winning ribs and homemade dippin’ sauce, of course. But in honor of the newest Chef, Cecil’s wife will whip up a batch of Chili John Carney, and I’ll throw some Carney Asada (that’s Spanish for Wide Right, gringo) on the grill for some appetizer tacos. Whoo diggity, I’m pretty sure that’s enough meat Carney.

So feel free to matriculate on over to the House of Georges Tradition Tailgate Bonanza, site to be announced (probably Lot “N”) in advance of the Broncos-Chiefs game at Invesco. Because meeting people over the Internet is not creepy at all, nope. Just bring hot chicks or beer, and be ready to get your ass kicked in a game of cornhole. Or have Cecil yell at you. Or both!
Read more

Bush League

There's a lot of college football coaching news floating around, and high-profile job openings at schools like Michigan, Nebraska and Texas A&M are making headlines. But here in Colorado we're about to lose one of the greatest coaches ever to call this state home, and it bums me out.

Terry Frei wrote an excellent piece in the Post today, where he detailed the Sonny Lubick situation with more insight and dignity than you'll typically find at houses named George. I've had my share of gripes with Frei over the years, given that he's one of these old-media stalwarts that think blogs are the devil (and he covers hockey). But Terry hit on the very delicate conundrum faced by myself and other CSU fans and alumni when it comes to Coach Lubick.

I absolutely love that man, and if I had a kid who played football I would send him off to matriculate under the guidance of Coach Lubick. But let's be honest, CSU football blows ram balls right now. Sonny is 70 and no longer recruits even the fringe big-time players, the Cecil Sapps and Bradlee Van Pelts and Joey Porters, that he once did. This season was a downright disaster at 3-9. A logical, impartial observer might conclude, as Frei did, that it's time for some new blood under the headset.

I am neither impartial nor logical, and I say forcing Sonny Lubick out of this job is an unforgivable offense. One of the rules of life should be that if you name a field after a man he gets to work as long as he damn well pleases. I could really care less if he goes 1-11 every year, so long as that one win is against Screamin' Dan Hawkins. We'll happily go play intramurals, brother.

It would be a different story if CSU were actually a part of big-time college football, a member of a BCS conference. They're not, and the power structure that exists in this sport will probably never let them in. If my alma mater is to exist in this perpetual state of football purgatory, they should at least do so with the grace and humor of a man like Sonny Lubick, rather than the shitbag judgement displayed by oh, I don't know, some coaches. Or other coaches. Or other coaches. Or other coaches.

What's the alternative? Find some hotshot I-AA, FCS, FBS, D-2 or high school coach or coordinator to take the CSU job, make some strides and then bolt for the first available BCS opportunity? A la Screamin' Dan or Urban Meyer? Even if you can sustain mid-major success, as Boise and a couple other programs have, what's the payoff? A pity birth in a lower-tier BCS bowl if and only if you have a perfect record?

Fuck that. That's the bullshit arms race of college football I choose not to chase. I'd rather CSU go back to thorn-in-the-side status than play that game.

That being said, CSU ought to go hire Ed Orgeron, who just got canned by Ole Miss. That fucker is bat shit crazy.
Read more

Sleeping With The Enemy: Broncos @ Bears

Your Denver Broncos travel to not-really-all-that-historic Soldier Field (it's a brand-new ballpark with some old columns out front) today for an interconference showdown. After making the Super Bowl last year the Bears are underachieving at 4-6, similar to the Broncos' 5-5 struggles. Our Chicago representative is The Catfish, who you may remember as the hopelessly optimistic Cubs fan from this summer.

And after the jump, I'll throw in a few picks to boot.

Old No. 7: So Sexy Rexy is back in charge. I didn't watch a whole lot of the game last week, but what I did see made him look lousy. What's up?

Catfish: Rex didn't throw an interception, he did fumble once, but threw for over 250 yards and I thought looked pretty good. It was nice to see some zip on a pass after watching Griese try to throw to a wideout on the sideline. Painful! Look, Grossman is capable of starting for 20 NFL teams. The Chicago media and talk radio scene have made him the black sheep of a flock not worthy of a shepherd's time. I would love to see Grossman finish strong and get a two year extension.

Old No. 7: Why is this team not nearly as dominant as it has been the last couple years?

Catfish: Simple, what team in the last 10 years following a Super Bowl loss has been competitive? NONE! Look at 2 years removed from the Super Bowl how many teams make the playoffs and compete for a Super Bowl and my Bears look a lot better. Finally, injuries to key players on defense: Mike Brown, Nathan Vasher, Tommie Harris, Peanut Tillman, Dusty Dvorckek, etc. Injuries rule in the NFL!

Old No. 7: Is Cedric Benson just a giant vagina, or is there still hope for him yet? Do you wish you could have that draft pick back, or at least have held on to Thomas Jones?

Catfish: Not a giant Vagina, but a swampy one. He has not participated in the Bears’ off season strength programs and it shows. He is chubby and slow and shows little ability to shake a defender’s tackle. For a big, physical runner, that’s not a good sign. I love Thomas Jones, and had Thanksgiving with his family!

Old No. 7: Your dad is a big Packers fan, and we've all gotten together to watch the Super Bowl the last couple years. Are you dreading a situation where Green Bay makes the big game this season? Is that when the automatic weapons come out?

Catfish: I used profanity towards my dad last year for the first time, when he visited my home the Super Bowl. You were there! If Green Bay makes the game, I have decided to respect my father by leaving the country! Perhaps IRAQ!

Old No. 7: OK, I need a quick prediction. What will the final score be, and what about the Broncos worries you for this game? What do the Bears have to do to win?

Catfish: BEARS 23 BRONCOS 16 Its all about turnovers. Grossman plays mistake free, while Cutler cracks under a real big city like Chicago. Look, the Bears aren't good this year, but if the Lions were in your division they would be in first. Hester takes one punt from your juiced up punter to the house. I have two games of interest left this season, Broncos and Packers at home, Win those and I will call this season a wash. I really do love the Bears with all my heart. And always will. Go BEARS! Good luck!

The Picks

I'm trying a new technique this weekend, looking for favorites that have no business being favorites and taking the dogs--no matter how awful they are.

Broncos +1 @ Chicago
Raiders +3 1/2 @KC
Panthers +3 1/2 v. New Orleans
Ravens +9 @ San Diego
Read more

Pickin' & Grinnin': With Gravy and Yams

I don't know if your bookie is working Thanksgiving. I always did. That's right, kids, back in college I took bets for a few years, and I did a moderate amount of business on this sacred holiday. I might have had to sneak the phone calls in between mixing the potatoes and, well, drinking, but one needs to serve his clientele.

Thanksgiving is, hands down, the greatest day on my calendar. I get to eat approximately 400 per cent of what any normal human should be allowed, and not a single person will look at me thinking "Wow. That man is a fat disgusting pig." It's Thanksgiving! I get to drink beer like it's water, wine as if it were post-workout Gatorade and suck down Tennessee whisky just to cleanse the palette. I get to see all almost all of my family (my sister couldn't make it in from D.C.), but in measured doses. And best of all, the entire thing is structured around football. Sweet, glorious football. Thank God the Pilgrims decided to play a game of two-hand touch on Plymouth Beach before their feast, setting this whole affair into motion.

As an added bonus, the NFL decided to add a third Thanksgiving game, starting with last year's KC-Denver train wreck (still the only contest in the history of The Tradition I have not attended, my absence was excused by the prior paragraph). And as for the hissy that putting that game on the NFL Network has created, I just don't get it. I have the NFL Network. Because I have DirecTV. Because DirecTV is the only place where you can get Sunday Ticket. And if you don't have Sunday Ticket, then you are a half ass football fan. End of story. Enjoy watching Colts-Falcons on the Internet, losers. Actually, that game will suck. I wish I had basic cable.

More wistful holiday memories, and bone-crunching holiday football picks against the spread, after the jump...

I'll actually be watching tonight's USC-Arizona State game instead, for two reasons: One, it will be superior to the Indy game. Two, I'll be at the home of my wife's parents, who matriculated in Tempe. That's right, assholes, I am double-dipping. After last year's shared meal devolved into a drunken nightmare of political screaming and third-degree deep-fried turkey burns (the fried bird is excellent, by the way, I highly recommend), my folks and the in-laws have decided to cool off for a year and host separate dinners. Which I thought sucked at first, because underneath my crusty facade I'm a sappy sentimental bitch. But when I realized that they'd be staggering their feasts by several hours, the tent in my pants rose like a pop-up plastic turkey thermometer.

Two o'clock at Mom's, with all of the delicious dishes of my childhood. Then, no time to help with cleaning, because we're headed across town for the wife's kin. We won't make it for the sit-down meal, just the postgame Tupperware-stuffing and leftover bonanza. This is a win-win, because if you sit down at someone else's Thanksgiving table you might have to suck down a few disgusting dishes. Like real cranberries (in my world, we only consume the jellied canned variety, or Craisins). Or sweet potatoes that are not directly adjacent to marshmallows. What is this, prison? They're called sweet potatoes for a reason, Grandma, and that reason is they need much more artificial sugar with them to be edible.

But if you just stroll in later, you're under no obligation to go through the formality of eating anything in particular. You can just sample what looks awesome, all the while acting modest. "No, no, I'm far too full to have any more stuffing. But if you insist, go ahead a throw on another slice of pumpkin pie and slather it all with more gravy. Thanks." And then, when it's time to clean, my father-in-law will inform the womenfolk that the Sun Devils are kicking off and we'll be in the living room.

There's something to be said for marrying a woman with no brothers. My wife's dad is insane about sports, but he never sired a boy. He's been drifting through life with decades of pent-up man conversation that has never been sated. When we hang out it is wall-to-wall, non-stop jock talk, peppered with profanity and saturated with booze. And best of all, none of it is my fault. I'm just the outlet for a man to talk about baseball with the son he never had.

Anyway, enjoy your day kids. Take care and remember why we're here today: those valiant touch-football playing Pilgrims and their opponent, the Washington Redskins. I don't know what the spread was that day.

The Picks

First off we have Green Bay at Detroit, which is an honest-to-goodness decent game in the resurgent NFC. Take out the top two or three teams in each conference and I firmly believe that the NFC is better in terms of quality depth. The Pack could really take a chokehold on the division with a win here (they play again in the season finale) and Brett Favre is Brett Favre, but I've got to take the home team and the points. The Pick: Lions +3

The CBS game, planted firmly amidst supper for midday eaters like the Sevens, features the Cowboys and the Jets. Let's go ahead and eat. I know the Jets beat Pittsburgh last week, but the Steelers have had a long hard season and were probably desperate to get home and fuck some grade school boys. Dallas will win, and they might win big. That's a lot of points. Fuck it. The Pick: Cowboys -14

Go ahead and bang the over on that game too. The Pick: OVER 47 1/2

I swore last week that me and Bobby Petrino were through. I went to his house and got all my shit out of his bathroom. After what he did to me, cheating on Joey Harrington with that fat slut Byron Leftwich, i can't look him in the eye. But now he goes and does this. Reinserts Joey, against the limping Colts, creating a classic value opportunity. I want to pull the trigger on the Falcons, I really do, but if I let Bobby Petrino back into my life he'll be there forever. Go to hell, Bobby Petrino. The Pick: Colts -11 1/2

Bonus NCAA picks: I'll be pulling for ASU tonight, but that doesn't mean I'll be betting on them. The Pick: Trojans -3 Also, for tomorrow, try these on for size:

COLORADO -4 1/2 over Nebraska
Mississipi +6 1/2 @ MISS. ST.
Wyoming +3 1/2 @ COLORADO ST.
LSU -13 over Arkansas
Texas -5 1/2 @ TEXAS A&M

Yep, I'm picking the alma maters of my dad, my father-in-law and myself to all lose. Both my sisters went to CU, and I'd love for them to lose to a pitiful Nebraska team, but that ain't happenin' either. Enjoy the leftovers though.

Last week: 1-4 (But the Broncos won!). Season record: 29-27. Coming Sunday, a whole new ridiculous gambling strategy guaranteed to make you money (Note: not actually guaranteed).
Read more

Tradition Tuesday: First In The Worst

The rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs (heralded by Bankmeister) and the Denver Broncos (championed by Cecil and Old No. 7). It may seem unfair that it's two versus one, but once KC gets that second Super Bowl win we'll even out the delegation.

Seven years ago we started The Tradition, in which Bronco fans travel out to the Truman Sports Complex with their team, and Chief lovers return to the Rocky Mountains with theirs. We tailgate, we talk massive amounts of shit, our wives are occasionally assaulted by rival fans, and we always almost always watch the visiting team lose. It's a grand old time.

Here at the HoG, we're going to keep The Tradition going with Tradition Tuesday--a weekly state-of-the-rivalry address.

It is official: The Denver Broncos are the best bad team in the National Football League. We could quibble as to what determines a good team or a bad one, but as The Tuna once told us, you are what your record says you are. If your record is 5-5, and you harbored legit playoff hopes at the onset of the season, you're bad.

But if the other teams in your division (two of whom had postseason expectations of their own) are as foul or fouler than you, there's reason for optimism. And if you just won two straight decisive conference games to run your AFC mark to 5-3 (behind only New England, Pittsburgh, Indy and Jacksonville), you can feel even better. And if your kid quarterback played remarkably well over the last six quarters, you get what most team would kill for:

A shot.

Not a shot at the Super Bowl, or even the AFC Championship game. That's Patriot country and we do not have a permit. But this team is one of those exasperating clubs that can beat anyone on any given day. Yet they have and will continue to deliver wretched piles of shit like the Detroit and San Diego games.

The defense is what it is, not very good. I have dry-heaved about the lousy offensive line and questionable Shanahan tomfoolery all year, but the fact is this team can hang with anyone provided JC is on his game. He can walk on water, heal the sick and help the blind to see, but he can also throw awful passes into tight coverage.

Last night JC had the holy spirit within him. He took care of the football. He moved with efficiency and purpose. He impregnated several virgins in the stands using only his supernatural mental powers, and then several more after the game using his penis. He may have a double chin and the eyes of Spicoli, but in his chest beats the heart of a lion. No, not a lion, a grizzly bear--JC is no pussy.

So off we go into the last half-dozen games of the regular season, disciples of Young No. 6. The schedule is actually pretty sweet, joining three division contests with trips to Houston and Chicago and a home date with Minnesota. Although the Vikings do have a Messiah of their own named Purple Jesus. Tough call.
Read more

Monogamy with the Enemy: Broncos v. Titans

The House of Georges planned to publish a pregame exchange with a Tennessee fan/blogger, but we were unsuccessful finding one. Oh, the Broncos' opponent tonight has fans, it's just that none of them can read and write. Just for fun, a little demographic data:

The median income for Tennessee is less than $39,000, below the U.S. average of $44.3k and well south of Colorado's $50.1k. On the plus side, season tickets to Titans games cost just $85, or the equivalent in hogs and moonshine. 15% of Tennesseans reside below the poverty level, 19.6% hold a bachelor's degree and 75.9% graduated from high school. Again, all of those stats are well below U.S. averages (12.7, 24.4 and 80.4), which in turn are well below those for the majestic state of Colorado (10.2, 32.7, 86.9).

But Tennessee does have Albert Haynesworth, who will not only stomp your unprotected facial features with a cleated boot but also rape your parents with a knife dipped in hot tar and broken light bulbs. Haynesworth is questionable this evening, not only in terms of morality and emotional stability but also injury-wise with an iffy hammy. On the Denver sideline, ex-Titan Travis Henry is also questionable due to a bum knee.

After the jump, many more football themes explored, with absolutely no U.S. Census data foisted in support thereof...

Peter King Gathers No Moss Cecil's longtime pal King logged another Monday Morning QB today, and it predictably left this fan scratching his head. Pete described Randy Moss as having a "borderline Canton career." Borderline? That's patently ridiculous, Pete.

I'm no Moss guy, in fact I really, really despise him and every team he's ever played for. But Randy Moss is a lead pipe lock for the Hall Of Fame right now, and a few more years with Tom Brady may well cement his status as the second-best receiver of all time. Look at the numbers, Pete:

Moss has 117 TDs, good for 5th all time behind Rice, Carter, Owens and Harrison. His 11,752 receiving yards and 742 receptions are 17th and 26th, respectively. He has 16 TDs thus far this season, and will easily eclipse Rice's record of 22. Let's say he gets 10 more this year and plays three more years with the Pats (he's only 30 and has never had a serious injury), averaging 15 per. That leaves him with 172 touchdowns, far clear of Carter's 130 for second behind Rice.

Furthermore, give him modest reception and yardage totals over those next three years, say 80 and 1,000 each. That leaves him sixth and third all-time, for a guy that has never been a possession receiver. Now that he's hooked up with the Evil Empire of Football, you must acknowledge the fact that Randy Moss will go down as one of the best to ever play the game at his position.

Gaping Vagina Alert To everyone excoriating the Pats for buttfucking hapless opponents such as the Bills: please go away, and hand in your maxi pads at the door. This is professional football. It ain't intramurals, brother, and it ain't even Division I. It's paid pros who are required by contract to do a job, and those assigned to slow down the New England offensive blitzkrieg are failing at that job. I find Belichick's douchebaggery and bloodless demeanor distasteful, and he's certainly worthy of karmic retribution. But if you whine about an NFL team running it up on another NFL team, you need to turn in your man license and head over to our sister MLS blog, the House Of Puss.

On another New England tangent, I watched an excellent HBO special on the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry Saturday morning, shortly before the actual game (which sucked nuts). My favorite part of the film centered on Buckeye coach Woody Hayes, who was a maniacal asshole hellbent on winning. He ran up the score every chance he got, once going for two against the Wolverines to advance the final score to 50-14. Why'd you go for two, Woody? he was asked. Because he couldn't go for three, you dickless pansy.

Anyway, Woody was nuts, and his career ended after he punched a Clemson player in the neck at the Gator Bowl. That was bad, but these days they've erected statues of the guy and he's revered for his success. To me, that's Belichick. He's a cock, and he's a convicted cheat, and unless you're a Pats fan he's Enemy No. 1. But the guys is going to go down as one of the best pure football coaches ever, up there with Bear Bryant and Vince Lombardi and, yes, Woody Hayes.

I Call Bullshit The ending of that Ravens-Browns game was among the nuttiest I've ever seen. With the Broncos off, I spent much of the afternoon watching the NFL Red Zone channel, an excellent side effect of Sunday Ticket that sends the viewer all around the football dial. There are no commercials, very little commentator antics and zero sitting through shitty, boring games (let's just say I watched almost none of that Indy-KC disaster).

I did, however, catch a huge chunk of Baltimore-Cleveland, including the goofy field goal at the end and overtime. And it was, of course, a legit field goal and the officials eventually got the call right--bravo. But if you're going to tell me that neither the ref nor the booth officials looked at the replay because they weren't allowed to, I'm waving the flag. The flag of I don't fucking believe you. It's clear that they did, and if I were Brian Billick I'd be pissed. Not because my team deserved to win--they didn't--but because the rules of replay were not followed.

This is why I don't want replay in baseball. It would clearly be limited to certain calls (like home runs or fair/foul) and exclude others (like balls and strikes). Drawing those kind of lines, like football does with pass interference and field goals as nonreviewable, is arbitrary and dumb. Either review everything or nothing. And one more thing--get rid of that asinine rule that a ref can judge whether a defender pushed a receiver out. Either you got your feet in or you didn't, that judgement crap is bullshit.

Comeuppance I'm not a big steroid moralist. I loathe the juice and all who cheat by injecting it, but I firmly believe that so many guys are tainted there's no use trying to sort it out at this point. Get better testing. That being said, the positive test of Shawne Merriman was all I needed to hate that bastard for life. Fucking cheater. I thoroughly enjoyed this play (hurry before the NFL takes it down), and the reaction of Deadspin's Mighty MJD (a notorious Bronco-hating Charger fan) to it. I must also go on record as saying that this season's Smorgasbord is about one-tenth of the awesomeness it once was--wha happen?

Suck It Anyone who bitches about Dre' B'l"y' or thinks the Lions got the best of that trade didn't watch the Detroit game against the G-Men yesterday. Tatum Bell is invisible, having been benched, inactive for the last five games and now replaced by T.J. Duckett of all people. And George Foster is back to where he was as a Bronco--trying his damnedest to get his QB killed. After allowing Michelle Strahan to pummel John Kitna yesterday Foster took his well-worn seat on the pine, and afterwards took his usual zero accountability. God I hate that fat fuck.

AFC West Notes Jesus, this division is miserable. It obviously will not yield a wild-card team, so it's win it or go home when it comes to January. Can the Broncos hold off the Chargers and Chiefs and make that happen? I've come full circle on thus season, which I once saw as a pointless exercise. No one outside of a healthy Colts club can stop the Pats, but if Denver can win the West and a playoff game that is what I consider a darn good season, especially considering the injuries and the youth at QB.

San Diego is a rich man's version of the Broncos, fairly loaded with good players but hampered by an inconsistent young signal-caller. KC is the hobo's version, as Brodie Bangs is not ready for this league and may never be. If Denver can come out on top tonight (and, obviously, beat the Chiefs and Bolts in December) then the division should be theirs. And I like their chances against a second-tier AFC club (Cleveland, anyone?) at Invesco.

Finally, let those crappy Chiefs be a lesson to anyone considering giving big money to a running back. I'm no huge fan of Shanahan the GM, but he does understand one thing: RBs are a dime a dozen. Now unless you can get your hands on Adrian Peterson (hurt, by the way) or LaDanian Tomlinson, there's no sense in paying guys like Larry Johnson or Shawn Alexander. If you want to waste that money, give it to me. I can be just as injured and worthless as LJ, and I can blow cash on chauffeured douchemobiles and poon tang just as fast. If not faster. I run a 4.2 to the titty bar ATM.
Read more