Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Tradition Tuesday: First In The Worst

The rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs (heralded by Bankmeister) and the Denver Broncos (championed by Cecil and Old No. 7). It may seem unfair that it's two versus one, but once KC gets that second Super Bowl win we'll even out the delegation.

Seven years ago we started The Tradition, in which Bronco fans travel out to the Truman Sports Complex with their team, and Chief lovers return to the Rocky Mountains with theirs. We tailgate, we talk massive amounts of shit, our wives are occasionally assaulted by rival fans, and we always almost always watch the visiting team lose. It's a grand old time.

Here at the HoG, we're going to keep The Tradition going with Tradition Tuesday--a weekly state-of-the-rivalry address.

It is official: The Denver Broncos are the best bad team in the National Football League. We could quibble as to what determines a good team or a bad one, but as The Tuna once told us, you are what your record says you are. If your record is 5-5, and you harbored legit playoff hopes at the onset of the season, you're bad.

But if the other teams in your division (two of whom had postseason expectations of their own) are as foul or fouler than you, there's reason for optimism. And if you just won two straight decisive conference games to run your AFC mark to 5-3 (behind only New England, Pittsburgh, Indy and Jacksonville), you can feel even better. And if your kid quarterback played remarkably well over the last six quarters, you get what most team would kill for:

A shot.

Not a shot at the Super Bowl, or even the AFC Championship game. That's Patriot country and we do not have a permit. But this team is one of those exasperating clubs that can beat anyone on any given day. Yet they have and will continue to deliver wretched piles of shit like the Detroit and San Diego games.

The defense is what it is, not very good. I have dry-heaved about the lousy offensive line and questionable Shanahan tomfoolery all year, but the fact is this team can hang with anyone provided JC is on his game. He can walk on water, heal the sick and help the blind to see, but he can also throw awful passes into tight coverage.

Last night JC had the holy spirit within him. He took care of the football. He moved with efficiency and purpose. He impregnated several virgins in the stands using only his supernatural mental powers, and then several more after the game using his penis. He may have a double chin and the eyes of Spicoli, but in his chest beats the heart of a lion. No, not a lion, a grizzly bear--JC is no pussy.

So off we go into the last half-dozen games of the regular season, disciples of Young No. 6. The schedule is actually pretty sweet, joining three division contests with trips to Houston and Chicago and a home date with Minnesota. Although the Vikings do have a Messiah of their own named Purple Jesus. Tough call.


Hercules Rockefeller said...

eyes of Spicoli.


Cecil said...

That potential t-shirt gives me a special feelin' in my shorts.