Monday, November 19, 2007

Monogamy with the Enemy: Broncos v. Titans

The House of Georges planned to publish a pregame exchange with a Tennessee fan/blogger, but we were unsuccessful finding one. Oh, the Broncos' opponent tonight has fans, it's just that none of them can read and write. Just for fun, a little demographic data:

The median income for Tennessee is less than $39,000, below the U.S. average of $44.3k and well south of Colorado's $50.1k. On the plus side, season tickets to Titans games cost just $85, or the equivalent in hogs and moonshine. 15% of Tennesseans reside below the poverty level, 19.6% hold a bachelor's degree and 75.9% graduated from high school. Again, all of those stats are well below U.S. averages (12.7, 24.4 and 80.4), which in turn are well below those for the majestic state of Colorado (10.2, 32.7, 86.9).

But Tennessee does have Albert Haynesworth, who will not only stomp your unprotected facial features with a cleated boot but also rape your parents with a knife dipped in hot tar and broken light bulbs. Haynesworth is questionable this evening, not only in terms of morality and emotional stability but also injury-wise with an iffy hammy. On the Denver sideline, ex-Titan Travis Henry is also questionable due to a bum knee.

After the jump, many more football themes explored, with absolutely no U.S. Census data foisted in support thereof...

Peter King Gathers No Moss Cecil's longtime pal King logged another Monday Morning QB today, and it predictably left this fan scratching his head. Pete described Randy Moss as having a "borderline Canton career." Borderline? That's patently ridiculous, Pete.

I'm no Moss guy, in fact I really, really despise him and every team he's ever played for. But Randy Moss is a lead pipe lock for the Hall Of Fame right now, and a few more years with Tom Brady may well cement his status as the second-best receiver of all time. Look at the numbers, Pete:

Moss has 117 TDs, good for 5th all time behind Rice, Carter, Owens and Harrison. His 11,752 receiving yards and 742 receptions are 17th and 26th, respectively. He has 16 TDs thus far this season, and will easily eclipse Rice's record of 22. Let's say he gets 10 more this year and plays three more years with the Pats (he's only 30 and has never had a serious injury), averaging 15 per. That leaves him with 172 touchdowns, far clear of Carter's 130 for second behind Rice.

Furthermore, give him modest reception and yardage totals over those next three years, say 80 and 1,000 each. That leaves him sixth and third all-time, for a guy that has never been a possession receiver. Now that he's hooked up with the Evil Empire of Football, you must acknowledge the fact that Randy Moss will go down as one of the best to ever play the game at his position.

Gaping Vagina Alert To everyone excoriating the Pats for buttfucking hapless opponents such as the Bills: please go away, and hand in your maxi pads at the door. This is professional football. It ain't intramurals, brother, and it ain't even Division I. It's paid pros who are required by contract to do a job, and those assigned to slow down the New England offensive blitzkrieg are failing at that job. I find Belichick's douchebaggery and bloodless demeanor distasteful, and he's certainly worthy of karmic retribution. But if you whine about an NFL team running it up on another NFL team, you need to turn in your man license and head over to our sister MLS blog, the House Of Puss.

On another New England tangent, I watched an excellent HBO special on the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry Saturday morning, shortly before the actual game (which sucked nuts). My favorite part of the film centered on Buckeye coach Woody Hayes, who was a maniacal asshole hellbent on winning. He ran up the score every chance he got, once going for two against the Wolverines to advance the final score to 50-14. Why'd you go for two, Woody? he was asked. Because he couldn't go for three, you dickless pansy.

Anyway, Woody was nuts, and his career ended after he punched a Clemson player in the neck at the Gator Bowl. That was bad, but these days they've erected statues of the guy and he's revered for his success. To me, that's Belichick. He's a cock, and he's a convicted cheat, and unless you're a Pats fan he's Enemy No. 1. But the guys is going to go down as one of the best pure football coaches ever, up there with Bear Bryant and Vince Lombardi and, yes, Woody Hayes.

I Call Bullshit The ending of that Ravens-Browns game was among the nuttiest I've ever seen. With the Broncos off, I spent much of the afternoon watching the NFL Red Zone channel, an excellent side effect of Sunday Ticket that sends the viewer all around the football dial. There are no commercials, very little commentator antics and zero sitting through shitty, boring games (let's just say I watched almost none of that Indy-KC disaster).

I did, however, catch a huge chunk of Baltimore-Cleveland, including the goofy field goal at the end and overtime. And it was, of course, a legit field goal and the officials eventually got the call right--bravo. But if you're going to tell me that neither the ref nor the booth officials looked at the replay because they weren't allowed to, I'm waving the flag. The flag of I don't fucking believe you. It's clear that they did, and if I were Brian Billick I'd be pissed. Not because my team deserved to win--they didn't--but because the rules of replay were not followed.

This is why I don't want replay in baseball. It would clearly be limited to certain calls (like home runs or fair/foul) and exclude others (like balls and strikes). Drawing those kind of lines, like football does with pass interference and field goals as nonreviewable, is arbitrary and dumb. Either review everything or nothing. And one more thing--get rid of that asinine rule that a ref can judge whether a defender pushed a receiver out. Either you got your feet in or you didn't, that judgement crap is bullshit.

Comeuppance I'm not a big steroid moralist. I loathe the juice and all who cheat by injecting it, but I firmly believe that so many guys are tainted there's no use trying to sort it out at this point. Get better testing. That being said, the positive test of Shawne Merriman was all I needed to hate that bastard for life. Fucking cheater. I thoroughly enjoyed this play (hurry before the NFL takes it down), and the reaction of Deadspin's Mighty MJD (a notorious Bronco-hating Charger fan) to it. I must also go on record as saying that this season's Smorgasbord is about one-tenth of the awesomeness it once was--wha happen?

Suck It Anyone who bitches about Dre' B'l"y' or thinks the Lions got the best of that trade didn't watch the Detroit game against the G-Men yesterday. Tatum Bell is invisible, having been benched, inactive for the last five games and now replaced by T.J. Duckett of all people. And George Foster is back to where he was as a Bronco--trying his damnedest to get his QB killed. After allowing Michelle Strahan to pummel John Kitna yesterday Foster took his well-worn seat on the pine, and afterwards took his usual zero accountability. God I hate that fat fuck.

AFC West Notes Jesus, this division is miserable. It obviously will not yield a wild-card team, so it's win it or go home when it comes to January. Can the Broncos hold off the Chargers and Chiefs and make that happen? I've come full circle on thus season, which I once saw as a pointless exercise. No one outside of a healthy Colts club can stop the Pats, but if Denver can win the West and a playoff game that is what I consider a darn good season, especially considering the injuries and the youth at QB.

San Diego is a rich man's version of the Broncos, fairly loaded with good players but hampered by an inconsistent young signal-caller. KC is the hobo's version, as Brodie Bangs is not ready for this league and may never be. If Denver can come out on top tonight (and, obviously, beat the Chiefs and Bolts in December) then the division should be theirs. And I like their chances against a second-tier AFC club (Cleveland, anyone?) at Invesco.

Finally, let those crappy Chiefs be a lesson to anyone considering giving big money to a running back. I'm no huge fan of Shanahan the GM, but he does understand one thing: RBs are a dime a dozen. Now unless you can get your hands on Adrian Peterson (hurt, by the way) or LaDanian Tomlinson, there's no sense in paying guys like Larry Johnson or Shawn Alexander. If you want to waste that money, give it to me. I can be just as injured and worthless as LJ, and I can blow cash on chauffeured douchemobiles and poon tang just as fast. If not faster. I run a 4.2 to the titty bar ATM.


Unknown said...

Hello boys, DfromKC here and I've had a little time to sleep things off and get "straight".
For the sake of continuity allow me to answer the last sentence first. In regard to aforementioned sprint times: heard, seen and dully entered in the City of Raytown annals...
Otherwise, excellent and rather comprehensive post.
Points made:
1) Tennessee is a poor state. Fo' shizzle..
2) Pete King is a douche. Yes.
3) Patriots detractors are gaping vag-holes...{silence}.. a cricket chirps in the distance...
4) Those Clevland refs used a little unauthorized AV equipment (maybe iPod)?....heeal yeah.
5) Eff all those roiders.
6) The Lions simply tossed the Donkeys all over the Detroit turf two weeks ago.
7) The AFC West is, a bit gamey, at this point of the season.

For those not familiar with my not too clever wordplay.. I dissent with ON7 on only two points. One is a boring Broncos dis and the other a more subjective topic...

While reading #7's, Patriot's Bill of Rightstoscore, I had a little deja-vu all over again. I had heard it all night from that senile old man Madden. He yammered on all night.. its the Defense's job to defend, an offense is like a corvette where you must drive it fast.. yada yada.
Here's the best part, all the spin originated from an old quote from...get this.. Bellicheat's departed Father. You can back it up and check it out.
Runnin the score is simply running the score. Fourth and 2 at the five yard line with seconds left to half, score 35-3.... kick it, run it or even knee it. I know its Moss catchin pretty Tom Brady passes for the new America's Team but puuuhleaze.
One more point of interest, Tom Brady has become a douche(if he wasn't already.) If any defender gets near him he insists screaming in their face. The same is in store for the refs who do not answer his continuing lobbying for patsy calls.
He is a bitch and the Lone Reader@'s plan for him is not only wise, but necessary.
Especially if DKC plans to stay out of debtors prison.

old no. 7 said...

I personally was a big fan of Belichick's defense of going for it on fourth down in that situation: "We were just giving the defense an opportunity to stop us." How gallant.

Unknown said...

I agree that Randy Moss will one day be in the HOF; however, one point that I'd like to make sure is not overlooked is that he only signed a one year deal with the Pats. I think that while his motives may have been pure in signing a one year deal with the Pats, probably he was trying to pump up his value after two off years in Oakland for one last huge contract. I would think that he'd seek a contract slightly bigger than the one Marvin Harrison signed at approximately the same age 3 years ago (7 yr, $67 mil) adjusted for inflation, and there's no way that the Pats have that kind of cap room. He'll get his numbers for the HOF, but probably not in NE unless he's actually changed from the Moss we all know and love.