Baseball In The Daytime: 6-6-07

Another day, another selection of ball games on the major league menu. Today's selections feature smoked Marlin and fried, beer-battered Cubby Bear.

At 11 Mountain, we get the second consecutive day game between Florida and Atlanta at the Ted. Your starters are Scott Olsen for the Fish and Kyle Davies for the Warriors. Tune in to the same bat-channels as yesterday, XM 183 and DTV 734, for this National League East showdown. Yesterday, as per my instructions, Sergio Mitre took the loss and maintained my slim fantasy lead over that asshole that keeps talking shit in the Comments section.

Then at noon we play catch at the intersection of Waveland and Sheffield Avenues. After building a miniature winning streak under Alan Trammell, the Cubs reverted to their Piniellaesque ways and dropped their game with the Brewers last night. Today's game sees the two teams brawling again, at noon on XM 186 and DTV 735. Perhaps "brawling" is not the best verb for that previous sentence, as today's starting pitcher is that noted pugilist Carlos Zambrano. He'll take his fastball, bad attitude and left jab to the mound today opposite Jeff Suppan. I haven't seen a lineup card yet, but there's a pretty good chance that Michael Barrett will be viewing this game from somewhere other than his typical perch behind home plate.

Over in the Americans, the Twins (Slowey) and the Angels (Lackey) face off in a matchup of unfortunately named starting pitchers. You can find this game at 1:35 on XM 179 and DTV 736. Finally, the Orioles (Cabrera) and Mariners (Washburn) renew acquaintances at 2:35 on XM 178 and DTV 737. Expect the O's to build a healthy lead, only to piss it away with their shitty fucking bullpen. Enjoy your meal, and remember that your bill includes a 20 per cent gratuity.

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Tradition Tuesday: Herman's Mixtape (and more!)

Editor's Note: The rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs (heralded by Bankmeister) and the Denver Broncos (championed by Cecil and Old No. 7). It may seem unfair that it's two vs. one, but once KC gets that second Super Bowl we'll even out the delegation.

Seven years ago we started The Tradition, in which Bronco fans travel out to the Truman Sports Complex with their team, and Chef-lovers return to the Rocky Mountains with theirs. We tailgate, we talk massive amounts of shit, our wives occasionally get assaulted by rival fans, and we almost always watch the visiting team lose. It's a grand old time.

Here at the HoG, we're going to keep The Tradition alive all year long with Tradition Tuesday--a weekly state-of-the-rivalry address.

IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US

In delightful news for The Tradition, the Kansas City Chiefs will be featured in this year's edition of the HBO show Hard Knocks. I can barely hide my glee over the notion that Herman will be regularly broadcast in unedited form, even though he is the rarest form of comedian: one that does not rely on vulgarity to get a laugh. I myself am a lousy comic, as my punch lines generally consist of multiple fuckity-fuck-fucks, the word pus and a graphic description of ass-boning a donkey.

Check out the video clip here. My blog-publishing skills, much like my comedy skills, are miniscule. I can not embed YouTube in my posts, and it fucking pisses me off. Sure, I could learn, but I could also volunteer to help retarded kids. Not happening. Watch the clip, which is bursting at the seams with good stuff. It has Herman, in all his nonsensical glory ("I'm a big believer in The Shield," he says). It has King Carl, informing us that there are Chefs season ticket holders in the District of Columbia. Good to know. It has Steve Sabol telling us that the Chief franchise is fully endorsed by Commissioner Roger Goodell, who's nothing short of a Marxist despot.

In short, I'm counting the seconds until this airs. I'm sure LJ will come off as very humble.

It's interesting to note the success of the two teams that have been featured on Hard Knocks in the past, the '01 Ravens and the '02 Cowboys. Baltimore was coming off of its championship season. Brian Billick showed incredible hubris in allowing HBO to document his greatness (as well as in replacing effective Trent Dilfer with Elvis Grbac). The team was significantly worse in their post-Hard Knocks season.

Dallas at that time was coached by the forgettable Dave Campo, and Hard Knocks served mostly as a vehicle for Jerry Jones to reveal his minimal football knowledge, orange tan and trampoline-tight facial skin. The 'Boys went 5-11, Campo got canned, Parcells replaced him and Hard Knocks was shelved...until now. Good times.

KANSAS CITY'S SAVIOR

I've held on to a dream for a long time. The dream involves a boy turning into a man, and that man eventually solving the longtime quarterback woes of the Kansas City Chiefs. The twist on this fairy tale is that the man is the son of John Elway.

Well, the dream is on track, and could honestly happen. Set your watches for April of 2011, Tradition fans, when young Jack could be eligible for the NFL Draft. The Chiefs could be coming out of their failed Brodie Croyle Experiment, and after a year or two with a midlevel stopgap (Kyle Boller, anyone?) could be desperate for a signal-caller. Young Jack has just finished an All-American career at USC (or LSU, or Michigan, it really doesn't fucking matter so long as it's not CU) and is the clear-cut best player in the Draft. KC is on the clock...WHAT WILL THEY DO? Should this scenario actually play out Bankmeister would drop dead of irony poisoning.

BRANCHING OUT

In just a few short months, the House of Georges has evolved from a slovenly bachelor shanty to the palatial mansion you now call home. It was only natural that the demand for Banky, Cecil and Old No. 7 would exceed the bandwith of the HoG, and so we're spreading some of our good cheer and misinformed principles to other locations on the World Wide Cyber-coms. As of this week, the Just The Fans Network has launched Predominantly Orange, a new Broncos blog prominently featuring Cecil and yours truly. Additionally, our pals over at Arrowhead Addict have signed Bankmeister to a long-term, incentive-laden contract. He'll be gracing AA with his Chef Surprise from time to time, so check it out too.

These side projects will allow us to riff on our NFL teams of choice brazenly and openly. The HoG will still deliver a steady diet of first-rate NBA and WNBA coverage, so don't lose any sleep.

And in a vaguely Simmonsesque move, we'd also like to announce a mysterious future project that may or may not infect more of your spare time and hard drive space. I can't give out any more details, because it is top fucking secret (and it may never actually happen), but I can safely say it does not involve us being filmed by an HBO reality crew in our daily lives, narrated by Steve Sabol. Yet.

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Good Stuff

Nope. Not the crap you get at the hardware store and use to fill cracks in your foundation. Some damn recognition. A heartfelt acknowledgement, if you will. Those whacky guys at KSK have seen their hopes and dreams fulfilled. The HoG thinks that is 100% of awesome. We couldn't be prouder. Kudos, guys.

You may now return to reading the best blog the Interwebs has to offer that's not named for a drunken encounter between a reporter and a former athlete.

(Ed: The reporter had nothing to do with intoxicating spirits.) Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: 6-5-07

This week's crop of day games is especially bountiful, with tilts every day until Friday. This afternoon brings us the two-time World Champion Florida Marlins against the Atlanta Braves, who won the Series in 1995, and in 1957 (in Milwaukee), and in 1914 (in Boston).

You may listen to this game on XM 183 at 12:35 Mountain, or watch it on DirecTV Extra Innings channel 734. Your pitchers are Sergio Mitre for the Marlins and some dude named Buddy Carlyle for the Braves. My fantasy opponent for the week picked up Mitre for this start, so hopefully his past with the Chicago Cubs emerges during today's game and he yields many runs.

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Nobody Undersells The King!

Peter King, as is his wont, made a dumb prediction today. No jolt there. That's Peter; such a textured study of the comfortable professional know-it-all that he should be portrayed on the stage. I see Andy Richter doing it. Maybe Warwick Davis on stilts.

Then he followed with a metric tonne of self-satisfied offal. Read on, MacSitOnYourDuffs...

"Of course, when you're thinking about this year's Super Bowl pick, the first thing that goes through your mind is, "Can I please pick two AFC teams?'' Face it: The best three teams in football right now -- and this cannot be debated -- are New England, Indianapolis and San Diego, in some order. Who's fourth? I don't know. Maybe the Saints. Maybe Baltimore, Denver, Chicago."

Whattya mean, this cannot be debated? What the fuck good is something like your column--indeed, sport itself--if it can't be debated? You issue the decree, vetted by your canape-snorting brethren, and that's it? Bullhockey, Mr. King. Bull. Hockey.

And this little bit of virtual fellatio...

"The Patriots, quite simply, have had the best offseason of any team in the free-agency era since the Packers stole Reggie White in 1993 and he became the best recruiter in the NFL. Even if Randy Moss is cut before the first game, the New England offense is dramatically better because Wes Welker and Donte Stallworth give the Pats the kind of talent at receiver they've never had in the Belichick Era."

Sorry, but does anyone else remember the Redskins of the late '90s? When they were collecting Deion and Carrier and whoever the fuck else? Back then, drunk on The Snyde's new car smell, guys like King ate that shite on toast with baked beans. They're doing it again now. If Wes Welker had gone to any other team in the league, would you have read a solitary word about it?

Finally...

You did the right thing, Billy Donovan. You were taking the job in Orlando for the money, regardless of how you tried to convince yourself otherwise, but there will always be money for people as talented as you.

Hey, Pete...hold up. Here. Wipe that off, man. Your wife doesn't believe you anymore. She doesn't believe anything anymore.

And for Christ's sake, fasten up your belt. Read more

Keeping Up With the Jonesers

Some NFL goodness brewing...but not anything to do with the above. I just dig the idea of Romo fighting a flame-maned demon horse.

Kinda like Broncos-Chiefs in the '97 playoffs. And we all know how that turned out for the flame-maned demon horse.

(Ed: We mean the Chiefs.)

So the Thinking Man's Team sign well-traveled largebody Sam Adams to a one-year deal (per the Lenster on ESPN.com). Adams, despite looking like nothing more than a fat guy in a striped helmet during last year's stint with the Bengals, might provide a valuable role player in the D-line rotation this year.

(Right here is where every other sports-related blog, publication or spoken sentence would make a crack about Denver not having enough available donuts, or about the civic necessity to re-make those fried peanut butter sandwiches that lured Elvis out for quickie trips. We stoop, but not that low.)

He was, as longtime followers of AFC West football will admit, a fucking beast as a young man. He played for Ol' No. 7's favorite college team when they were good, anchored some of the most talented and underachieving D-lines in NFL history in late '90s Seattle--at one point they lined up Adams, Cortez Kennedy, Michael Sinclair and Michael McCrary--and went on to the Hall Of Run-Stuffin' Fame with the Ravens, Bills, Raiders.

What can he offer the Broncos in the wake of being cut, and by his former Defensive Coordinator in Baltimore, no less? Who knows? Best case scenario: his enormous gut crushes a few running plays, he helps the overall quality of the (hopefully vastly improved) defensive line. Worst case: he has a heart attack during training camp, dies, his family bankrupts Pat Bowlen, our team gets sold to the Monforts and they hire Dom Capers to run the whole show. Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: Pulling A Head Out Of An Ass

If you pay attention to both weekday baseball and this blog, you may have noticed that I've botched my one and only permanent assignment. Not just last Friday, but today as well.

Just to recap, the Cubs were home for a weekend series, which means their Friday game took place under natural light on the North Side. It was a fairly uneventful contest, other than the home team's starting pitcher and catcher getting into multiple fistfights with each other and their manager beginning a rapid slide to madness. Jesus. Not a game to whiff on.

Then today, we had the Giants and Phillies locking horns in the City of Brotherly Fuck You. At press time the G-Men were handing it to their hosts 8-1 behind an actual decent start by Barry Zito. There's also a game unfolding at Tropicana Field in Tampa, where the D'Rays lead the Royals 2-0 in the bottom of the third frame. Things are getting Meche-y down there, methinks.

I totally promise to make up for my boo-boos over the next three days, by both hammering the day baseball beat and laying off the festering pile of dung that is the NBA. Cheers!

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