Monday, December 1, 2008

Dear Lord In Heaven Please Please Make It End

If you wonder why the House of Georges doesn't spend more time covering college football, when college football is a fucking awesome sport, here's why.

Two teams played on a neutral field, a field selected specifically for its location equidistant between the two campuses. One team won. And yet when it came time to select the better of the pair for a chance to play for a conference title and eventually a national title, the BCS computers and the Big XII brass picked the team that lost that Red River Shootout back in October.

It's a traveshamockery if there ever was one, because it flies in the face of everything us logical fans want. We want this shit decided on the field, and when it actually is decided on the field, that decision is overturned.

And if you really want to see how fucked college football is, I'm spending a good portion of my available piss and vinegar on a defense of the University of Texas football program. There is nothing on this Earth I hate more than UT football, not terrorists or diarrhea or the shitty version of Daylight Savings where you lose an hour of sleep. I'd just as soon see Austin fall into a giant sinkhole as let them Horns play for another title. But wrong is wrong, and this is just plain wrong.

Since we Americans like to blame people for things being fucked up versus actually fixing those fucked-up things, let's assign some blame. Ivan Maisel over at the four-letter has a piece in which he passes accountability around pretty fairly, laying most of this mess at the feet of the Big Roman Numerals while blasting everyone else involved in this mess.

Deadspin's Clay Travis, a huge college football sycophant who hails from SEC country, laid out a fascinating scenario last month in which President-Elect Barack Obama would follow through on his tongue-in-cheek promise to fix the BCS and instill a playoff system. Following said scenario, Obama would then pick up the 2012 electoral votes of the states making up the football-delirious SEC and Big XII, which coincidentally are some of the only states that didn't vote for him this year.

Sounds peachy, and if Obama could vindicate these Horns I guar-an-tee he could flip Texas blue, but it ain't happening. This isn't health care or Afghanistan, Barry, this shit is complicated. And no dainty arugula-eating Yankee is going to fix it. Not when the problem lies with you.

That's right, dear reader, you are the ones preventing a solution. Bitch and moan all you want about TV networks, coaches and university presidents. You vote with your pocketbooks and your eyeballs, and your votes say that college football is just fine. Every year we sink deeper and deeper into this quagmire of BCS Band-Aids, yet every year you watch these deliciously competitive and entertaining contests in bigger numbers. You can't stay away from the same BCS games you lambaste, and you can't quit gambling on MAC football. We have found the enemy, and he is us.

All of those cocksuckers down in Austin who are screaming to high heaven about the injustice done to their football team will watch the Big XII Championship, presented by Dr. Pepper. And they'll all watch the BCS title game as well. They've got the disease, and you and I do as well. When the customers are hooked on a product, there is no incentive for the manufacturer to change it. Nick Saban is your nicotine.

So once you put down the remote and the crack pipe, you barrel-o'-junkies, you'll get your playoff. I'm all for it, I support you, but I'll have to get back to you after I'm done watching Middle Tennessee State take on Louisiana-Lafayette.


Ldogg said...

Why are you defending Texas? They had the weaker out of conference schedule (only Oklahoma played anyone who finished in the final BCS polls, and they played 2 - #11 TCU and #13 Cincinnati), they had a lower common opponent point differential (the 3 teams tied for first played 4 common opponents: Oklahoma St, Texas A&M, Kansas, and Baylor with differentials of: Oklahoma +104, Texas Tech +103, and Texas +96), and Texas also lost to one of the big 3 in the South, Texas Tech (Although granted the game was at Texas Tech.).
I'm not an Oklahoma fan per se, just a Big XII fan, and I do feel the correct team is going to be representing the South division in the championship game.


old no. 7 said...

There's no easy answer to solve a three-way tie such as this, and they did exhaust four tiebreakers before arriving at this solution. I just think that when you're arguing between two teams, you always wonder who would win if they played on a neutral field. These two teams did, and Oklahoma lost.

If a result like that is invalid, why even play at all? We could just hook up a bunch of sensors at each teams' practice facility and compile a database. We could run ten thousand computer simulations and name a national champion in August, or even better on national signing day. That would make college football better.

Ldogg said...

If it was just a 2-team contest, then the result wouldn't be invalid, that's why you play the games. Unfortunately, Texas Tech decided to play a little defense this year (except of course against Oklahoma), and threw that monkey wrench in there.
I agree there should be a better way of deciding a 3-way tie in the
Big XII, and hopefully now the conference will get off their butts and find one.
And who knows, maybe Missouri gets revenge for last year, and the whole point is moot...or kicked to another level:)