We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: The Girls of SI; Online!

Okay, ladies and douches, it's late -- but, let's be serious. I mean it. Alright, we're not putting Arnold on the ballot, but we may as well. Right? I mean every politician's the same. Aren't they?

No?

I know. I agree, too. They're unique and invested. Please allow me to be the first to tell you that this week's installment is, in fact, no different -- unique and invested.

The work done here at the House of Georges isn't easy. Bullshit? I beg you, coveted reader, to re-consider.

You see, some time ago, when the HoG was but a mere fetus on the Blogosphere, we posted a WAHCW installement that featured a retro re-visit of a number of ladies that I'd be willing to bet were significant influences on our life. I really would.

If you're with me this far, check out the post-jump goodies.

Basically, it breaks down like this: The annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue has been out for nearly one month. That said, reporting on it now is, how do you say in English "old news"? I'm unsure of the answer to that, but I do know this: It's out. It's available now online in a larger viewing capacity than any print edition I've ever imagined in my short existence here on ol' Planet Earth. And, well, frankly, it's breathtaking. For real.

So, the challenge is this: Out of three dozen-plus models/cheerleaders/body-paint volunteers, how do you decide the who the cream of the crop is?

I'd like to say that answer is simple: You leave it to your trustworthy HoG. But, on the contrary, "easy" is the last word I would select in that decision-making process. It was anything but. Originally, it was to be a "Top Three" post; one that included honorable mention(s). Even that was damn near impossible. So, this is what we're offering instead: The Top Seven.

And they go a little something like this (Editor's Note: All disagreements are willingly and understably accepted):

Number Seven: Julie Henderson



Yes. Keeping it here in the states is Julie.



She's cozy and comfy in our very own Orlando, Florida,



a state, you couldn't pay me enough money to live and work in (Update: Yes, you could), she's keepin' it real. And by "real," I mean "Somebody help me if this is as 'bad' as it gets."

Number Six: Marisa Miller



I know, I know. She's the seasoned veteran of the entire lot,



she's this year's cover girl, and hey -- cans.



I got it. But, like I said, the talent pool was swimming this year. All in the deep end, even. Even if it's in beautful St. John's, United States Virgin Islands.

Number Five: Bar Refaeli



Like her colleagues, Bar was a hard talent to spot. She's gorgeous.



She's hot. She's kickin' it in Caesarea, Israeal.



And, yes, she's got the look. Believe me, when I tell you, this is the best we could possibly do at this level. Bless you, Bar. Bless you.

Number Four: Daniella Sarahyba



Now, I've only met a few Daniellas in my day,



and, make no mistake, every last one of them was hot.



I've never met one in Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands, but even as hot as Schnapp's-laden cider at a December Broncos game at InVesCo, none have been as hot as this Daniella. She should've swept the competition, if only it weren't for her own competition. Sheesh...

Number Three: Melissa Baker, a.k.a., "The Rook"



Don't get me wrong when I say that Melissa Baker drove/drives me absolutely batty.



She's like the New-World Kathy Ireland, only hotter, sexier, and BLAM!



Her style is impeccable, she's also a fan of St. John's,



and her talent unbelievable. But, being that she's a rook', we have to believe she can sweep the competition repeatedly in the future. In the meantime...

Number Two: Ana Beatriz Barros



Miss Barros has, what we like to call, the knack...



that is, the knack for making any damn thing,



and every damn thing, sexy as hell.



She, too, is a veteran at the SI gig, and this might just be the year she locked in her swimsuit-model status



as unforgettable. Well, San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua helped, but barely.

This, of course, leaves us with...

Number One: Irina Shayk



Coming to us live from St. Petersburg, Russia, and very much in charge of the entire issue



is Miss Shayk.



The HoG always tries to avoid the cliche,



but sometimes that task is unavoidable.



Irina's eyes, poses, looks, suits,



and overall astonishing charisma left us with no choice but to crown her as the queen.

And there you have it. Expect no more posts from these bloggers for the next, say, 11 and-a-half months, due to sheer exhaustion.

Not really, but

(All photos courtesy of Sports Illustrated).
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Our Annual NBA Post

Actually, it's just a funny link, to a photo that appears after the jump...


And that concludes the House of Georges' 2007-2008 coverage of the National Basketball Association. We hope you'll join us next season for more wall-to-wall hoops action!

Actually, I have a serious NBA question. When Greg Oden makes his debut next year, will he be eligible for Rookie Of The Year? I'm asking you NBA fan(s) out there, because basketball really sucks. Read more

Oh My God

No matter what you think of the competitive balance in the AFC West, it is absolutely Number One in the NFL in one area: hilariously shitty free agency decisions.

Yesterday we went over the completely uninspiring record of the Chiefs and the Broncos thus far. Out in San Diego, where another division title is all but assured, they're asleep at the wheel as well. Instead of actively improving their teams with the talent available on the market, these three clubs are sitting on their hands.

The same can not be said of the Oakland Raiders, who made one good but overpriced move (Gibril Wilson for $36 mil, $16 mil guaranteed) and two spectacularly bad ones. First it was giving Tommy Kelly fifty million dollars and $18 mil in guarantees. Who's Tommy Kelly? I'll get to it, give me a minute. No, seriously, who is Tommy Kelly? Fuck off--the punch line is forthcoming, asshole!

Now they've gone and snagged ex-Bronco Javon Walker for--actually, let's go to House of Georges "Chief" NFL Correspondent Adam Schefter for this one:

...a stunning six-year, $55 million deal that includes $27 million in the first three years, including $16 million guaranteed. The deal is staggering when you consider the contract the record-setting Randy Moss received from the New England Patriots on Monday: $27 million over three years...

Thanks Adam, your service to this country is appreciated. Now, honestly, who is Tommy Kelly?

There are rumors currently circulating that Isaiah Thomas has secretly overtaken the Oakland Raiders front office. This is entirely plausible. At the very least the week that the Raiders have put together is in the same class as the offseason when the Seattle Mariners signed Adrian Beltre and Richie Sexson for a combined $114 million.

The good news is that as insane as Al Davis and his lackeys are for making these deals, the fan base of Raider Nation is just as sidewalk-licking crazy. Christopher Perales, you sir are nuts. To wit:

my initial thoughts are that this signing is a good one

Ok then, Chris. The guy that I'm really happy for is Javon Walker, who has gone from obscenely wealthy to lighting-cigars-with-hundred-dollar-bills loaded. I thought he'd be lucky to get a one-year, $5 million deal, but I failed to factor in the complete senility of Al Davis. Congratulations, Javon. Perhaps I should say similarly disparaging things about my employer and then send a resume to Oakland.

Coming tomorrow: Who Is Tommy Kelly? A Career In Focus.

Update: That's not true. We have no idea who Tommy Kelly is.

Second Update: Holy cow, I guess he has a Wikipedia page. I suppose if you sign the largest contract for a DT in league history you may want one of those. We'll look and see if it was created yesterday... Read more

Tradition Tuesday: Goin' Down The Road Feelin' Bad

I have to admit, when I fired up the laptop this morning and plugged in to the series of tubes, I was stunned to learn this. No, not that Peter King and Brett Favre share a romantic bond that transcends anti-sodomy law, but that Old No. 4 actually quit.

We're not here today to reminisce about Favre's career. Leave that to I Munch Brett's Bratwurst and other Packer blogs. Here we talk football of the variety played by the Broncos and the Chiefs (that is to say the bad kind), and we'll get to all of your free agent nonsense soon enough. But first, a moment to reflect on a stale old argument now refreshed.

We'll revisit this again when Brady and Manning quit, but in the Greatest QB Ever debate, Broncos fans and Chiefs fans split along party lines. Those residing east the 25th Meridian generally say Joe Montana, while those of us on the west side say John Elway. Chief rooters point to Joe's four titles as the definitive measure of a leader (and some even wedge Marino in between Montana and Elway, just to be dicks). Bronco backers, of course, know that Elway provided the perfect balance of stats (within shouting distance of Marino and miles beyond Montana) and winning (two Super Bowls wins and three other appearances on way shittier teams than Montana had to deal with).

Now, however, an inconvenient truth has emerged from the frozen tundra--you have to add Brett Favre to the mix.

Favre's numbers, of course, eclipse even Marino's. And the fact that he won the Big Game, even though it was just the one time, and lost another (which just happened to be the best game in the history of footballery) is certainly enough to scoot him past Dan. But could a myopic Chiefs fan or hopeless Bronco nut ever acknowledge that Brett Favre is the best to ever don the pads? I say no, but I also loved American-cheese and grape-jelly sandwiches when I was a kid. I'm kind of a moron.

Speaking of overhyped quarterbacks from cold, miserable towns full of unattractive women, Large Benjamin just signed a new deal with Pittsburgh. $36 million guaranteed, for Ben Roethlisberger. Yikes. The only reason this is not the worst contract in NFL history is this guy, currently the starting QB on the Leavenworth Inmate All-Stars. So it's only second-worst.

There are still quite a few free agents out there, but our teams seem dead set on not signing any of them. At least none that will excite their fans. But like I always say, Fuck The Fans. Both the Broncos and the Chiefs have season-ticket waiting lists longer that Lee Corso's trouser snake. They don't need to make some splashy move simply to fire up a bunch of knuckleheads.

And by the way, Demorrio Williams is a good player, certainly a big improvement over Kendrell Bell. Some aren't aware of this, but that's why I'm here--to educate those football "fans" that only pay attention to guys on their fantasy teams that players don't need to touch the ball to impact the game.

As for Denver's efforts in free agency, let's just say I had hoped for more. Re-upping Ebenezer Ekuban and John Engleberger is nice, those are both quality rotation guys on the D-line. If Niko can make an impact on special teams I then the move is genius--and if he makes a single tackle on defense I will praise whatever pagan Greek deity he worships. But Keary Colbert? Honestly, that's the worst signing I've ever seen. I'm not sure Keary Colbert would get selected in a Sunday pickup game on my street. He's awful.

I personally don't think they should have cut Javon Walker, but I know I'm in the minority on this one. I just became aware of his histrionics following the Vikings game (I was out of the country at the time), but does that really matter? He's a receiver, for Pete's sake, and receivers bitch. What do you think is going to emerge from the mouth of current golden boy Brandon Marshall when he wants more money? I'm just saying that releasing Walker, promoting Brandon Stokeley to a No. 2 spot he is ill-suited for, and signing shitty Keary Colbert is a huge step down from simply dealing with Javon Walker's pouting. That is all.

On a side note, Javon Walker once played for the Packers. When he held out for a new contract, Favre took the classy position of throwing his teammate under the dairy truck. Walker then blew out his knee in the first game of the season, the very reason he wanted the security of a new deal and the event that precipitated his move to Denver. So in conclusion, the Chiefs and Broncos stink and Brett Favre is an asshole. I suppose I could have just said that up top and not wasted a half-hour of your life. Have a great Tuesday, kids!

Update: I linked to Orange Bucksnorts a few times today--you should definitely take a little time to reintroduce yourself over there. They've undergone a facelift and it looks great, plus Mr. Hercules is taking great pains to break down all of the offseason Bronco shenanigans (as opposed to the lazy clowns that work here).
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Arteests For Hire

This image, along with a handful of others, graced the Webs, courtesy of the Leatherage, late last week. I meant to post it then, but I had about 87 pints of beer to consume before I was actually going to clock in.

It came to them via some folks known as Machochip, who discovered it within the vaults of the Vargas portfolio (Editor's Note: their website has a badass samba song playing on their home page, but alas, no credit to the musicians). Yes. Quite the happy little cyber trail that has now made its way to the House of Georges. Good times. Check out more screamin' good times after the jump.

Another of our favorite blogs, Kissing Suzy Kolber, likes to mingle around a web address known as the Professional Cheerleader Blog. This we find humorous for a number of reasons:

1. There's always an abundance of HoG-related talent on that page. Take these:






for example. Or these:






2. KSK frequently comes up with funny stories, like this one, which brought me to the PCB for the second time today.

3. I know. I can hear the sea of curiosity crashing down upon the collective inner monologues of the coveted HoG readership. The first reason for my visit to the aforementioned site involved this post, which may or may not be about my boss' wife and her cheerleading camp.

Jinkies.

Finally, the Deadspinsters blessed us with this glorious hockey post, albeit referencing my Blues with horse manure at the same time. Really. Really. Good times.

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Good Work If You Can Get It

I'm fairly certain that if athletes never got arrested the "blog" would never have been invented. It's pretty much the bread and butter of the medium. So when I went hunting around for something to write about this morning and came across this, well, let's just say these things sort of write themselves.

I've always been blown away when famous people of any kind get busted for drug possession. I first came upon this back in 1996, when a kid named Isaiah Rider was racking up points and arrests for the T-Wolves, his first of many NBA teams. Isaiah got popped that summer in an alley in his hometown of Oakland. He was shooting dice and smoking weed out of a soda can. Now put aside for a moment the idea of a millionaire inhaling his cheeba out of a modified pop can. What struck me the most was that none of Isaiah's boys took the rap for him.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: professional athletes need drug (and gun and hooker) caddies. If Isaiah's pal Abraham Jones (I'm totally sure he has a friend with this name) had simply taken the pop can and the offending dice when the squad car pulled up, we'd have never heard the story. No one gives a shit if Abraham Jones gets nailed for a weed rap. But if it happens to Isaiah Rider, NBA star, we talk about it to this day.

And if anyone needs a drug caddy, particularly if they're talented Denver Broncos D-linemen, feel free to contact the House of Georges. We have several qualified individuals available for a nominal fee.

Now I have no idea if the cocaine in question actually belonged to Marcus Thomas. I suppose it's perfectly reasonable that his friend, the driver of the car, happened to have a little blow when the car got pulled over and Thomas had no idea. Hell, Thomas' lawyer says that's what happened, and why would he lie? Let's just say I'm cynical about this shit.

But even though I doubt Marcus' story, I applaud his decision-making in the face of a potential career-ending situation. And if I'm Marcus' buddy, I'm in line for a nice payday once the dust settles.

Carmelo Anthony once got popped with some weed in a backpack at DIA. Now this was a problem, until his buddy stepped up and claimed the backpack. This was a bunch of completely fabricated bullshit, except it worked. Barry Bonds' ex-trainer is sitting in prison as we speak because he refused to testify against Barry. I have zero doubt that James Cunningham and Greg Anderson have been well compensated by Carmelo and Barry. Now I want a piece of that action.

If you are an athlete and you like to get high, or shoot people, or bang hookers, give me a call. For the low, low salary of $100,000 a year plus bennies, I will hang with your posse and wear a fanny pack. I know, fanny packs look really gay, but trust me it's worth it. In my fanny pack I have room for whatever narcotics you need. I can pack a small arsenal of handguns, although if you need Tank Johnson-type armament I made need to acquire a backpack. Then when the fuzz shows up, everything goes back in the fanny pack and I happily go to jail. But jail costs extra.
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Papers and Agents and Contracts. Oh, My!

The Chiefs have agreed to a seemingly pricey deal with former Falcons linebacker Demorrio Williams. I'd offer some stats on the guy, but, frankly, they're not that impressive. If you're really interested, have a look for yourself. I'm no wizard by any stretch, but, uh...you think maybe that's why they didn't retain him?

Christ. Come on, Herm. Do something smart. Just once. Anything. That's the answer to cutting Kendrell Bell and demoting Napoleon Harris? Give me a freaking break. I mean, how in the fuck do you log six and-a-half sacks in four seasons? I could get to quarterbacks in Atlanta's division more often than that. Anyhoo, at least there's some semi-humorous Denver Bronco news...

...in the form of some not-very-good visitors stopping by that manly sounding place called Dove Valley.

Kerry Colbert? That's a stretch of a maybe. Sammy Knight? Good luck with that one. I hear Greg Wesley's still on the board, too.

Enough about the bad news, though. Here's a video of the best tight end in NFL history talking about his myriad of philanthropic endeavors. And, here's Joe Posnanski offering high regard to the late founder of the Broncos, Bob Howsam.

It sure is nice to live in a city with no sports, award-winning journalists and courteous, giving people. I imagine it gets tiresome to nitpick and naysay and trash talk up in that thin air.

Oh, and, sweet tie clip, boss.
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