Thursday ThumbTubes & YouNails: 7-03-08

It's been pretty quiet around the House the past few days, and our staff would like to offer sincere apologies. We're quite embarrassed that we've only managed to squeak out three posts this week. We can only promise to return to our once notoriously keyboard-happy selves once we're past the holiday weekend. Truth is, we've been stupid hammered for nearly a week straight. But we're goin' on the wagon, in three days or so, and we'll get our act back together. Until then, here's a little nugget or two to chew on. Well, after the jump I mean.

The Big Lead has come across an interesting Web site. I'm sure including that link will generate tons of reader commentary here on the HoG, where we're all-NBA, all the time.

Awful Announcing reports that there's still hope for the future of NFL Films. Sheesh. That's how out of the loop I've been. I had no idea that the company was in danger of ceasing operation. What kind of sham is this? I can't imagine any form of my football calendar year without some NFL Films action to help me get hyped. Where would we (this generation) of football fans be without the endless efforts of the Sabol family? Less informed, not as excited, with fewer goose bumps, and certainly fewer reasons to procrastinate. If they ever canceled the airing of NFL Films presentations, I'd go Joey Barton on some fool:



(video courtesy of Deuce of Davenport)

In other suck-related news, SportsbyBrooks lets us know that the almighty Stuart Scott ain't interested in the blogosphere. What? Stu won't read? That's it. we're pulling the plug.

Big League Stew is reviewing ball parks in the bigs. Their current feature is Baltimore's Camden Yards. I hear there was a game there tonight, and the Royals squeaked one out, 10-7. Kyle Davies, bro. Kyle. Davies.

Elsewhere in baseball, those wacky Babes that covet the game are investigating voodoo sabremetrics. Why is this relevant? I don't know. Ask future Congressman Blanche Feverpiss.

This just in: Baseball can be dangerous.

(video courtesy of With Leather)

Finally, Hugging Harold Reynolds cues us in to the ever-oddening Brothers Manning. Freaks.

That's it for this evening. I've probably burnt a pizza or something. Don't blow off a finger, 'Merica. Don't piss off the in-laws if you're hangin' with them, and most importantly, don't forget to designate a driver. Even if that means putting your best bro in the baby stroller and shovin' him down the hill towards home, at least he won't be driving while under the influence. Happy Fourth.
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NFL Draft, Live Blog Edition Alpha

Mock pick #18, Baltimore Ravens via trade from Houston Texans: Brandon Flowers CB Virginia Tech.

Ravens' actual pick: Joe Flacco QB Delaware. Another developmental guy from a team that loves strong arms--remember Kyle Boller throwing through the uprights from his knees? Flacco has proved exactly nothing versus actual competition, but Ozzie knows what he's doing. Usually. Start the Fighting Blue Hen pipeline to the League...
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Hard Knocks Review: Episode IV

Let's just say I got dis appointment. No. I don't have a scheduled doctor's visit. I'm let down. Across the board. Episode I of HBO's "Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Kansas City Chiefs" ruled. Episode II was anti-climactic. Episode III rejuvenated my interest in the series, and, yep...follow the trend: Episode IV was a joke.


I'm not interested in paying attention to Old No. 7's not-surprisingly negative response to the program. That's how he rolls. If it doesn't involve flogging the dolphin of someone who's last name rhymes with Spellbay, than he's not interested. I eagerly couldn't care less about anticipate reading his mid-autumn post that will break down how much the Chiefs suck and how their non-success directly correlates with this five-part NFL Films production. Whatever.

Episode V, however, had better be good. Before I break down the highlights and not-so-much highlights of last night's installment, allow me to voice one more complaint: Each episode has been shorter than the previous. And that, is a load of crap. I imagine that Chiefs GM Carl Peterson and Head Coach Herman Edwards have minimized what they want airing in the episodes as the program has progressed. Naturally, as you get closer to opening day, you don't want other teams honing in on your playbook and schemes. I got it. I'm sure, however, that the footage selected for last night's episode could've been 10 times more entertaining than it was. More on that in a minute.

Episode I ran the full hour it was allotted, you know, 60 of those things we call minutes. Episode II ran about four minutes shy; the third installment ended about eight minutes shy of the hour, and last night, the credits rolled at :49. Forty-nine! When will they pull the plug on the final airing? Twenty 'til? To quote Jimmy from South Park, "Come. Oh-wen." To the contents of the program I go, nevertheless.

Highlights:

As mentioned, there aren't many. I'll run through the few that were.

Kelli Croyle



As last week was quarterback-decision week for Herm and company, it was only fitting that NFL Films go into the Croyle home regardless of who won the job. We all know Brodie didn't, so we watched the newlyweds make dinner and talk about the party they'd have once Brodie's day came around. (this photo, courtesy of Arrowhead Addict via HBO, was published on AA after Episode I aired). Let it be known that, in my HoG eyes, Miss Croyle knew damn good and well this footage was making the cut as her top was nicely revealing and her jeans indicated the pleasing presence of a deliciously curved Ba-Donk-a-Donk. Good times.


Ray Farmer



First cuts happened last week, so NFL Films spent a lot of time inside Chiefs Director of Pro Personnel Ray Farmer's office as he handed down the news to the less fortuneate. I liked that they called him the Grim Reaper. Good stuff.






Bobby Sippio



I'm pleased to see that this kid is still around. He looks awesome. 'Nuff said.







Boomer Grigsby



No. I didn't look for a picture of him with his mohawk. Yes, I know he no longer wears 51. Yes, I was pleased to see him healthy again. This converted linebacker looks to be a force as a fullback. I'm rooting for him to make it as his contributions could be T-Rich worthy.





Tank "Bubba Gump" Tyler



Okay. The kid likes to eat, he snores like a chainsaw, and can't stay awake in the meeting room. That doesn't take away from his main asset: Ass. Kicking. I wouldn't be surprised or disappointed to see this kid start in Houston. He's a force, an animal and word has it that he likes to eat SEC quarterbacks and non-1500-yard-rushing tailbacks for breakfast. Huh. Me too.






Lowlights:

I'm not going to grace the lowlights with pictures. I will, however, list them.


Rookie razzing

The Kennison/Herm Edwards razzing of rookie WR Dwayne Bowe was funny at first. Last week's episode where Herm repeatedly hollered about having his donuts hot was a bit much. Apparently, they couldn't find the Krispy Kreme, so Bowe and fellow WR Rod Gardner set out for the Cracker Barrel to get Kennison and company some almond pancakes, or something equally dumb. It seemed, however, that this footage was included only to set up the ensuing cutting of Gardner. Granted, footage of guys getting cut is interesting and a big part of the show, but you don't need to set it up with in-the-car footage of two dudes jabbering and looking at a laptop for directions. Snore.


The QB Decision

Yes. A big part of the show. Yes. A big decision for any team. No. Not worth three solid minutes of Herm sitting in different positions in his office pondering the dilemna. Give me a break.


The Tank "Bubba Gump" Tyler/Turk McBride Head-Bob Sleep Fakeout

This was another waste of three good airtime minutes. And it was real dumb. And it made everyone associated with the club look real dumb, too. Good thing for Tyler he made the highlights as well. Thus, he's off the head-bob hook.

In sum, that's a lot to ingest about one episode of a series. I say that because the program itself didn't have much to ingest. I'm hoping for a bang-up finale, though. It's still entertaining television. Don't get me wrong. I only want more of the good stuff.
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Hard Knocks Review: Episode II

Episode II of HBO's "Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the Kansas City Chiefs" aired last night. Though the energy of the program wasn't as high as week one, it was still pretty darn excellent. The focus this week was the depth chart, coaches obsessions with it and its ever-changing status. This installment was more about getting into the mindset of the coaching staff, giving the viewing audience a glimpse into the decision-making processes coaches undergo while at camp. It was pretty educational. There are certainly some highlights to discuss, and we'll get to them, just as soon as I've singled out the most important one: we finally got to see some footage/hear the voice of TLR's favorite Chief coach (Offensive Coordinator), Mike Solari.



Let me bring those of you that aren't familiar with the scenario up to speed. TLR does a pretty good job of paying attention to Kansas City sports from his cozy Adirondack cabin up in the land of non-American bacon. He's a few clicks and chimes from receiving his PhD in salmon conservation or something equally useless. Don't get the wrong idea. He's an extremely intelligent kid and he'll probably be involved in some marine biology-related epidemic that saves the whales, dolphins and humans all at the same time. His greatest fault, however, is that he's that guy. Yeah. The armchair GM/Head Coach/Director of Scouting/Chief of Officiating/President of the Player's Union/League Commissioner all rolled into one.

I'll stick to his most recent poster-child example: Operation Fire Mike Solari. TLR is the president, VP, treasurer and sole member of this organization. And he founded it in like week 11 of last year's football season. The crux of it all came in this forgettable memory when TLR called my cell phone nothing shy of 37.4 times, all to bitch about Solari and our non-existent offensive gameplan. What TLR failed to notice, finally (months later) admitted, and now insists upon ignoring is that this guy promoted him to that position, and it is said promoter's philosophy that both coordinators must adhere to. Furthermore, it was Solari's first year as a coordinator. Give the guy a flippin' break. That's all I'm going to say about it. It was nice to see his presence on Hard Knocks. Peek at the comments for the usual "run-run-pass/predictable" criticisms that TLR will dish out to defend his can-Solari campaign.

Other highlights of last night's episode:


The Tank and the Turk. Yes. They were both highlights, comically and performance-wise. Sort of. Tank, the fatass third-round pick draft pick out of North Carolina State who was filmed falling asleep in the classroom in last week's episode, has been, in addition to keeping roommate Turk awake with thunderous snoring, he's been tearing up the fields of both camp and pre-season game number one. Turk, on the other hand, was not the kind of highlight Chiefs Nation wanted to see. The second-rounder out of Tennessee was shown being dominated on the practice field and cramping up/getting winded in the game against the Browns. Effin' sweet.

Dwayne Bowe

I was pretty stoked to see the inclusion of Bowe's field-goal-post taping and dousing. Reading about it in the paper was one thing; hearing him complain to one-time Bronco Eddie Kennison about not being able to feel his arms and ribs was dadgummed hysterical. As far as on-the-field performance, Bowe is huge, he is ripped and he has got to improve his hands. I'm confident he will, but that was a bit disturbing.

Other worthy notes:

1) Nice to see Justin Medlock put one through the uprights after missing several consecutive attempts. Does anyone know what the coaching staff was thinking when they decided not to bring in any competition for the guy?

2) Gunther Cunninham. The dude is my idol. He's going to have this D in top-notch shape by mid-season. I, for one, am amped about that.

3) Boomer Grigsby. His transition to fullback has me watering at the mouth. Let's hope he can stay healthy.

4) Herm told the guys not to wear all their jewelry for the travel to Cleveland. Brodie Croyle informed everyone that that wouldn't be a problem for him as he' "not that into 'blink'."

5) Kyle Turley. He gets a half-nod for just being the piece of work that he is. Not to shabby on the six-string acoustic either.

That sums it up. Pop back in next Thursday for a review of Episode III.


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Hard Knocks Review: Episode I

I don't have HBO. But I convinced the wife we should get it for Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Kansas City Chiefs, and cancel afterwards. That was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Last night's debut episode was, by far, one of the best hours of television I've seen in ages. Words simply cannot describe how much ass it kicked. I suppose most folks would thoroughly enjoy an uninterrupted hour of footage about their team, but I've been wrong before. Highlights:



First of all, I don't even like lookin' at men in spandex, but Bernard Pollard can dance. That was some hilarious business, and I loved how much the team got a kick out of it. Let's not forget the vat full of awesome this kid's going to be at safety this year, too.

Brodie Croyle gets a nod, not for his arm or southern drawl, but because of his wife. Holy. Smokes. Batman. The Internets have yet to provide us with an image of her that does her hotness justice. Let's get on that, Internets. That rockin' bod is to be viewed, ASAP.

Gone are the days of Tim Krumrie being famous for snapping his leg in Super Bowl XXIII. The Chiefs defensive line coach likes to yell. A lot. He'd best learn how to yell from his diaphragm and not his throat or he'll be without a voice before opening day. Receivers coach Charlie Joiner did have some funny comments that the boys at Arrowhead Addict addressed in their liveblog of the show. Defensive Coordinator Gunther Cunningham was intense and entertaining as always. Dick Curl (one of five guys other teams' coaching staffs don't have, but Herm sees a need for) (Editor's Note: Sweet name, dude.) was pretty impressive, and Herm was, well, Herm. Krumrie, however, was frightening. He's an angry, red-faced man that, um, kind of looks like Nick Nolte in a scary, mug shot kind of way.

Jared Allen gets some props for a variety of reasons. His scripted heartfelt speech about dualing DUIs changing his life is not one of them. The footage of him knocking back O'Doul's, however, is. He should be their new spokesman. Now. That was damn funny. He also gets a whoop-whoop for mentoring. When asked by a rookie what one should do if you're being held by the jersey, he said "Kick 'em in the nuts. That'll get 'em to stop." Nice, Jared. The ultimate highlight, though, was Allen being caught on film playing Guitar Hero with the ax slung behind his head, ala Hendrix. Hilarious stuff.

Jason Dunn gets a holler, but not for anything awesome. Head Coach Herm Edwards has called him "Diesel" in the past. Apparently, he now calls him "JD." I'd call him a giant little bitch. Not to his face, of course, 'cause that's how I roll. But there was some mildly entertaining, mildly disturbing footage of Dunn whining to Edwards in the lobby of the River Falls dorm about having to sleep on the second floor. As narrated on the show, the newer you are, the higher up your floor, thus veterans are on the first floor and not battling the stairs. Dunn, after being put on IR at last season's end, is still not practicing as he continues to recover from back surgery. He was not happy about bunking on floor number two. And by not happy, I mean a huge baby. We were even subjected to a Tony Gonzalez snippet that elaborated on how not happy Dunn was about the situation. Sheesh.

All said though, the show was phenomenal. I'm interested to hear why Old No. 7 didn't like it. As far as I could tell, it was nothing shy of superb. I'm looking forward to next week's episode already and may have to re-schedule my fantasy football draft, which I stupidly coordinated for the evening of the final edition. Hey. It's a Hard Knocks life out there. Read more