We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday Featuring Brandon Marshall as Sam I Am

You read the sports blogs. You know that Brandon Marshall has asked the Denver Broncos for a trade. You know that there have been meetings and meetings about meetings, as well as meetings that have not even been commented on. Pat Bowlen knows of them. Josh McDaniels knows of them. We even, here inside this House have run through a litany of shenanigans allegedly involving Marshall, so there's no need for fancy links or StubTube clips or interviews or any of that hogwashy jargon.


What's most important is that we remember that this is 2009, and a lot of times these days, professional athletes are in the spotlight in countless ways that those of yesteryear were not. There are the four-letter networks, the blogs, the papers, the SportsTalkRadios, the writers, the sideline reporters. The list goes on. What we'd like to do for once, is put a positive spin on things. Join us, post-jump if you will, and we'll get after it.

Glad you could make it. Let's then, have a look at some of the things Brandon Marshall hasn't done.



I am 15.



Fifteen I am.

That's One-Five-I-am!
That's One-Five-I-am!
Love to love me some 15-I-am!

Melanie Collings



Did you harass Miss Melanie?



I mos' def' did not, God's eye on me.



Was she forced to call 9-1-1?



We got together; we just had fun.



To her home did you drive drunk?



Whatchoo thinks? That I's some punk?



In a fit of ire did you tap on her windshield?



That'd be dumb. I needs my hands on the field.



Did you bully her, demean her, and call her a hag?



Not even when she joked about my McDonald's bag.



Would you, could you consider yourself played?



Not for a moment. I gots to get paid.

Anna Lynn



And what of fair Miss Anna Lynn?



To her house I ain't never been.

Esti Ginzburg

Miss Esti claims you went for her jambalaya.



Naw, that ain't for real. Just ask the Messiah.

Jana Jordan

How 'bout Miss Jordan? She seems quite nice.



With her I would not share my rice.

Leslie Spring

Leslie Spring says you tried to finger her Moog.



That bitch just crazy. She got a thing for Coach Doog.

Loredana

Loredana's tried hard to publicize your rap sheet.



She upset 'cause I gave her the skeet, skeet, skeet!

Samantha Harris

Miss Harris insists that you're a disturber of peace.



Miss Harris is mad 'cause I tried to get with her niece.

Stacie Sullivan

Stacie called the cops and said you were mean.



She all in a tizzy 'cause she can't have 15!

So, see? Ol' B-Marsh has done some positive things, too. That's all for today, though. Many thanks to our sponsors. They make it all possible by throwing end-zone snow, trying to pull out the black glove, and having more charges against them than Adam Jones and Mike Vick combined.