Guest DJ Scratchin': The Lone Reader Brings On the Soccer in the Motha'effin' Daytime

Editor's Note: Welcome back to Guest DJ Scratchin', our guest writing "series" on the House of Georges. Like our other features, it's sure to be a massive failure huge success, something we all bask on for months and years to come. The debut effort by the one and only Lone Reader, wherein he examines the infinitely popular game of soccer can be found here. This installation, his follow-up, is also big surprise, about soccer. There's some soccer happenin' out there in the world, and TLR's gonna break it down for y'all.


Canada’s most well attended sporting event in history continues today and tomorrow . Eight teams remain in FIFA’s U-20 Men’s World cup of soccer and only four will be left by Sunday night.

“Waaaah!! Waaaah!! Not another soccer article. Soccer is stupid and they kick things. I don’t like when they fall on the ground. Waaah!! Waaah!!” Diving is in every sport, asshole. Just ‘cuz you hate Rodman, doesn’t mean you gotta hate the game. Now, like I said, shut the fuck up.

I coasted to a sweet 3-FOR-8 (0.375) in my stage 2 first round picks … that’s like a Bush family report card … fuck. I guess it’d win me a batting title.

The game goes on and so do I … roll on, lil’ brotha, roll on.



Round 2, Stage 2; The Quarterfinals

Austria vs USA

The African nation of Gambia couldn’t stop the precision of the Austrian set plays. Discipline made the difference. Uruguay came out tough (dirty) and the US fought to win. They may have lost 3-goal scoring striker, Altidore in the process.

Austria had flown under the radar, and the US continues to soak up media love. I wanna pick Austria here, but I can’t help but think Adu has something to prove. He won’t let ‘em lose. Austria goes down in extra time … 2-1.

The winner will play the winner of …

Czech Republic vs. Spain

The Czechs are playing the kind of ball of which they are often capable, but rarely do. Spain has decided to delay their choke, and Brazil felt their wrath. After going down 2-0, the Spaniards scored 4 straight. That’s momentum and that’s enough. The Czechs can’t handle the fancy footwork, though they’ll look good tryin’. Spain wins, 2-1.

Chile vs. Nigeria

Nigeria dominated Zambia. It was painful to watch. Fear not mother Zambia, mwakosa sana. Mukabwela … bwangu-bwangu. Chile overcame injury and a tough travel schedule to beat Portugal handily. I’m back on the bandwagon. Nigeria can’t out muscle Chile so easily. The Nigerians are goin’ home. Chile wins 3-0.

The winner plays the winner of …

Argentina vs. Mexico

Argentina continues to be a favorite after they smoked everything Poland had to offer. They are a goal-scoring machine. The Congolese looked dull as Mexico’s quickness on both offense and defense frustrated

THIS IS THE GAME TO WATCH IN THIS ROUND. WATCH THE FUCKIN’ GAME, DAMNIT!!

Both Mexico and Argentina boast teams capable of winning it all. Both countries love their soccer, but the Mexicans have more to prove. This is their time, and I think they know it. Watch the fuck out. Giovanni Dos Santos will put Mexico on the global map of soccer once again. Mexico 3, Argentina 2.

Ah what a fine day, soccer fans. The MLS has begun itsrun to the top, and the cup’s are soon to come. I’d be happy to tell you how I know this, but I’ve got a game to catch.

Oh, yeah, if you’re still cryin’ … shut the fuck up.

Cheers all,

The Lone Reader

Note: TLR actually submitted this post for publishing prior to deadline. Technical difficulties not related to the massive demands of international soccer coverage ensued, however, and its publication was delayed. The HoG offers its sincerest apologies to all of our soccer fan.