The Fourth Best All-Star Game Preview In The Whole World

I trust that, if you're reading this, you're fired up for tonight's MLB All-Star Game. If you're not, your problems are many. For one, you're missing out on the only good All-Star game left. Two, you're ignoring the only sports programming on the television this evening. And three, and most important, you're wasting good time reading a blog post about an event in which you're not interested. That's just sad, man.

I saw the lineups for this game, and they always get me a little giddy. It's fun to look at groups of hitters this stacked and imagine what might transpire. Let's take a look at the cards:

NATIONAL LEAGUE

1. SS Jose Reyes

2. LF Barry Bonds

3. CF Carlos Beltran

4. RF Ken Griffey

5. 3B David Wright

6. 1B Prince Fielder

7. C Russ Martin

8. 2B Chase Utley

9. P Jake Peavy

I really like the way this stacks up. I dig the fact that Reyes and Beltran are switch-hitters, giving you six lefties in for the first turn against Haren but not hindering you if a lefthander like Sabathia comes in next. I love Bonds in the two-hole, even though he can't run. You can get his at-bats out of the way and slide Holliday into right quickly. Beltran and Griff at 3 and 4 is pretty weak, but again you can yank their asses in a hurry and get some better players on the field. And five through eight is sick. It's a good lineup, but...

AMERICAN LEAGUE

1. CF Ichiro

2. SS Derek Jeter

3. 1B Big Papi

4. 3B A-Rod

5. RF Vladimir Guerrero

6. LF Maglio Ordonez

7. C Pudge Rodriguez

8. 2B Placido Polanco

9. P Dan Haren

Good luck pitching to this bunch, especially the Murderer's Row in the middle. I can not wait to witness Peavy take on this club in a pitcher's park. Too bad we've got a stupid softball game at 6, but that's why God invented TiVo.

I still say the AL takes it, but the Nationals could make it close if they can get to Haren.

Yes, there was a Home Run Derby last night. I caught most of it, toggling through TV and radio. It's a ridiculous enough spectacle without the boobs they had covering it on ESPN--I think that's one event you should turn over to amateurs. Like the staff of the House of Georges, for instance. I guarantee you'd have been more interested in the broadcast if Banky, Cecil and myself were delivering it, if only because of the f-bombs.

And, yes, I stuck around for the premier of Bronx Is Burning, and no, I will not be watching again. I don't know why I always fall for the ESPN movies, with the B actors and the bad hairpieces and the shitty, shitty writing. Someday I'll learn.