Wednesday, May 27, 2009

(Not Quite All the Way) Live Bloggin'

So I'm sitting here, wife at a trade show, McCormick's gin and frozen pizza at the ready, thinking why the heck don't I start a post about the second half of this here Nuggets - Lakers contest?

I know better than to ignore my conscience, so here we go. Hit me with comments. I'll just keep updating, in an ever-more-drunken fashion, on this likely ref-assisted* Laker victory.

*Even if that happens, I won't actually complain, because whining about the Refs is for Chargers fans and (unindicted) rapists.

Second half hasn't started. Jeff Van Gundy sounds like a d-bag.

Ok, here it is. 59-56 Denver.

Offensive board! Fuck yes. Keep missing shots, LA.

Loose ball foul, Dahntay. Of course. Trevor Ariza (ex-UCLA) is coming into his own this series. Kenyon for two, then fouls Gasol. Again, of course.

Bynum, keep on fouling, please. I just realized this whole concept is not going to make much sense at a later read.

Who knew Kenyon could make a jumper? 67-62 Denver.

Bullshit foul. Nice acting job, Ariza.

So maybe I won't be able to update after every shot? Drugs will help.

Ahhh...'Melo and one. Dig it.

4th personal on Bynum!

4th block for noted thug Chris Andersen, whose name adorns the very first basketball jersey I've ever owned--and before any Lone Readers start droppin' that bandwagon talk, my first Bronco jersey only happened last year. I'd been unfamiliar with your mid-American habit of collecting such athletic togs, but now I might as well be eating barbecue whilst I piss.

71-66 halfway through the third, advantage Denver. Come on now.

I hate this Progressive commercial with the "Dave Aisle." Fuck Dave in his Dave-hole.

Back, and now three straight turnovers? Fuck. Lamar Odom hits a three to tie it. And so a seven-point lead becomes a tie, just like that.

I just thought I'd take this commercial break, with the teams tied at 73, to state that I have never, ever, liked the Los Angeles Lakers. Screw Magic "I'm a part owner of the team and still am expected to give honest analysis" Johnson. Screw A.C. "I'ma Virgin" Green. Screw James "I Don't Really Have a Nickname" Worthy. I even still have Stormin' Norm Nixon's basketball card somewhere, and I'm honestly starting to dislike it a little.

Christ, J.R. Make one of these 3s, already.
FUCK! What I just said, but plus.

Wow, this second "A Night at the Museum" movie smells like a sack of rotting red potatoes.

OK, back in. Fuck Lamar Odom, you highly drafted chunk of worthless.

Offensive foul. Nice. Carmelo on the bench, Lakers with their biggest lead...and Nene gets a tech? Naturally. If they let this snowball, the refs will be more than happy to help.

This is the part of the game that scares me. The Lakers are showing life, it's the 4th quarter, we have our best player sitting. George Karl, you have a reputation of Coachsuckery to disprove, and this ain't the way to go about it. I know there are more than 9 minutes left, but come on.

They are getting good looks, but nothing. This has the makings of 3-2 LA written all over it.

Van Gundy blowing Kobe. What a sooprise.

Wow. This is getting ugly. 87-76 LA.

I dunno. Screw this. Linas with a 3, much needed. Imaginary foul on the greasy Spaniard Gasol, maybe the ugliest man in sports.

Oh, woo, woo, we love the Lakers, says the crowd of botoxed robots. Fuck all of you people. You root for success. When the Lakers sucked a few years back, they could hardly give tickets away. Go yell at your gardeners.

So, it's not too early to say that this game is likely over. The Nugs are showing nothing and the Lakers are on a tear--so we have to win in Denver to force a 7th back here. F. Double F.

Fuck. With an open 3 like that, Linas...and then Nene misses a layup. Fuck me.

OK, entertain yourselves for a minute. I have to go curse. We could have just made that lead disappear.

Linas, make your free throws. It's still in reach. Only 4:47 left.

Melo with the transition jam!

Wow, a blocking foul? Because Gasol sat in his lap? Bullsheeeeiit. And now the Brazilian has fouled out. LAME.

93-89 after Melo's free shots.

Doesn't matter, though, because the Lakers just drive to the hoop and GET FOULED.

Speaking of the totally non-mafia owned NBA refs, anyone who doesn't believe in the star system should be watching this game. Except, of course, if the star is Carmelo, who gets less love than any comparable talent in the game. Fuck, Trevor Ariza is getting more in this series.

Jeff Van Gundy loves watching people foul relentlessly and not get called. That's because he's a proponent of caveman ball. Dear Jeff, please go coach in Europe and stop talking to us.

I should mention, again, that bitching about the refs is loser talk.

You get the D, you have numbers, and then J.R. jacks up a brick.

This game is ov-ah. Nuggets deserve to lose. You can't miss shots like they have on the road and even have a hope. Now it's just fouling and making the gamblers happy.

Lamar Odom had a good game, Pau Gasol couldn't miss early, Derek Fisher re-discovered his range. Plus, the Nuggets never found an offensive rhythm and seemed to miss every big shot. Back to Denver on Friday for what we a Mile High are hoping is a chance to stretch this to seven games. Sigh. 104-93 L.A.