Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Tuesday Tantrum: Un-Sacktacular

Yesterday, the TalkRadios hammered the Chiefs, investigating every aspect of this club that is just plain wrong. Today, the paper has done the same, and with a narrower scope, Adam Teicher of The Kansas City Star points out one glaring void: the pass rush. There isn't really a lot to report in this regard. As part of a non-competitive club that occasionally scores some points, re-invents losing on a weekly basis, consistently displays a perfect what-not-to-do-on-special-teams model, and gets burned by offenses good, bad, and mediocre, the non-pressure Kansas City's front four has put on opposing quarterbacks is only one ingredient in the recipe titled "Terrible."

But, if you really want the sage and cinnamon of this fall unclassic, here they are:

1) The Chiefs have netted six sacks through 10 games. A handful of teams have done better than that on their bye weeks, I think.

2) Teicher points out that "Sixteen individuals, including former Chief Jared Allen, have more than six sacks." In case you English no good, that's almost 20 dudes with more than the entire Chiefs D.

3) From the same article: "The next lowest team is Cincinnati with 11." The Bengals, the one-win, Marvin Lewis Farmhouse is next higher on the list, and their total almost doubles that of KC's.

4) More Teicher: "The mark for a 16-game season is 13, set by Baltimore in 1981, and the Chiefs at their current pace won't even get to 10." With six games left, the Chiefs' chances at not breaking that record look about even-keel with John Madden boarding a plane.

5) Head Coach Herm Edwards discusses last year's league-leading sack total by Allen (Editor's Note: He has eight so far in 2008), who, as we know, missed two games: "He was with us last year and he got (15 1/2) sacks, and we still went 4-12," Edwards said. "We got better at a lot of positions through that trade...It worked out well for both parties."

Yes, Herm. It did. The difference, though, is that up in the NFC North, those teams are playing to win the game more often than four times. Your club, good sir, hasn't even come close to 4-12.

In other news, I'm not a betting man, therefore, I couldn't give two shits about what bettors lost due to Sunday's officiating debacle. But what about my fucking fantasy team, you dillholes? (Note: We'll pretend for a moment that fantasy football and betting on football are nothing shy of polar opposites.) My season is one Grand Canyon pebble away from vanishing into the Colorado River. Yes. I entered last night's game with a lead, and yes, I thought for sure I'd lose seeing as how my opponent had Brady Quinn and Lee Evans. Guess what? Quinn put up an ocho; Evans a fucking goose egg. And yes, I had the fucking Steelers D. I hope, SD/Pitt officiating crew, that you all choke on your whistles, and are beaten with terrible towels. Thanks for fucking blowing my playoff chances, you ass clowns.