Feel Free, If You Wish, To Call It A Comeback

On Tuesday night, I watched Barack Obama become President of the United States of America on the same barstool in the same bar where I watched John Elway beat the Green Bay Packers in Super Bowl XXXII. That was pretty cool.

Last night, I watched a double-chinned diabetic perform some come-from behind magic of his own in Cleveland, from the same couch in my living room where I typically yell curses at Bronco failures. That, I suppose, was also pretty cool.

What wasn't cool was the oppressive hand of the white devil once again imposing its intolerance. Brandon Stokley, you might as well be Strom Thurmond. Here you are, practicing alongside your black brothers, acting as if you're down all these years. Hell, you probably even bought a Lil Wayne record and an Obama bumper sticker just to sell it. But under the bright lights in Cleveland last night, your KKK roots finally showed.

Very disappointing, 14. We already have one card-carrying white supremacist in the House of Georges, and Banky does not need company.

I'm just fuckin with you guys, of course. Brandon Marshall is an egomaniac who needs to start making political statements about as much as I need to start performing orthopedic surgery. To be honest, I didn't have the slightest idea what the fuck was going on with that little episode at the time--my wife kept saying something about Marshall pulling something out of his pants and I thought she was high. And since she's pregnant, getting high is strictly forbidden, unless she shares with the rest of the class.

It was only in that epic postgame interview that the full extent of the plot--the plot that I'm sure has the Sean Hannitys of the world screaming I TOLD YOU SO WHITE AMERICA--was revealed. It wasn't dastardly or evil, what Marshall was looking for, just another loudmouth receiver trying to top all the rest. I doubt Marshall has any idea of the full relevance of the 1968 Mexico City protest, but then again I'm sure I don't either.

So, I assume we can all agree to leave the politics in the District of Columbia and the football on the gridiron. Now that this election is over, I think it's time to focus on what matters the most. The still-first-place and still-completely-awful Denver Broncos. The historically inept Kansas City Chiefs. Manny Being A Dillhole. The WNBA. And croquet. Lots and lots of croquet.