We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: A Safe & Happy Fourth

Listen up, kids. It is not time to peruse ThumbTubes & YouNails. It is not time for Tuesday's Tradition, and it is not time to dive into a Clamtini known as "Baseball in the Daytime." It's Wednesday, which technically means a lot of things, but most importantly, it means that it's time for us to disguise a gallery of cleavage with a Gary Coleman photo. It's also a few short days away from celebrating the independence of the United Fucking States of America, and let's face it -- we can all use a few friendly reminders of how to look after our fellow countryfolk, not to mention ourselves. So hop past the leap, and, uh, explode.

Heather Fawcett



I have no idea if the lovely Heather is kin to the late Farrah. I doubt it, but let's give it up to her for giving her country the shirt off her back.

Isis Taylor



Miss Taylor is a bit unsure of what the temperature in her neighborhood will look like on the fourth. That's okay, though. We're here to help. The forecast: The sun will be out for a solid 14 hours (in varying degrees) on that day in particular.

Karlie Madelyn



Though specific plans for the Madelyn crew have yet to be ironed out, one thing is certain: She's raising her hand(s) because she's Sure we should all join her in the hot tub.



And, by the looks of things, I'm sure I'll want a front seat.

Katie Price



Yippee-kay-yay, mother-effers. You bet Katie Price is gonna celebrate.



Cowgirl hat and flip-flops? Check.



Sultry stare? Check.



Beach full of dudes ready to limbo? Roger.



Post-skinny-dip top? Count it. By Jove, that's 'Merican!

Magenta Bentley



If you're not the rowdy type, there's nothing wrong with staying in for your festivities.



There's more than one way to skin a long-legged cat with bizarre furniture and the perfect boots to match the ultimate stripper name the decor.



But alas, the Fourth of Jew-lie is meant to be enjoyed with a great breath of fresh freedom air, so get on out into Mother Nature.

Mariah Milano



Lots of folks go to the lake for this fantastic holiday.



The, uh, water looks really inviting. I'm in!

Melissa Buhl



The only thing about water festivities on such a summer holiday is that, on occasion, one is self-conscious about donning one's bathing suit. Melissa Buhl falls in some other category on some other holiday.

Melissa Puente



If you're hosting a gala, it's always important to think of the folks that won't be drinking alcohol. I like to offer soda, water, and everyone's favorite juice drink, Hawaiian Punch.

Nadia Moore



Nadia Moore likes her event to be all fancy and shit.



I say, "forget that."



We're all just going to eat five times the meat we usually do, get loaded, and light stuff on fire. Why bother?

Sarah Lyons



The Sarah Lyons type of affair is more up my alley.



And by "up my alley," I mean something entirely different.

Teresa Noreen



In fact, the dress code for 4th parties at my place is clothing-optional.

Theresa Graziadei



That is, except for myself, 'cause no one wants to see that. No one but Theresa, in the garage, behind the vintage automobile, with a greasy smock as my only article.

Veronica Ricci



But like all holidays, take it easy, take it seriously, and be careful out there.



Wouldn't want anything to, you know, come undone.

Have a safe and happy Fourth, y'all. Load up on your fireworks and liquor. Your guests will be pleased.