Getting Ready for the Weak End; or, Trick or Treat, Smell Yorvit

Oh, House of Georges. You provide us shelter from the hail of uninformed sports opinion, a warm virtual fireside beside which we might calmly discuss our favorite franchises and a place to stash our pictures of fat, pantsless women vomiting upon their own unshod feet. You offer us succor from that bloodthirsty creature named--shudder--work.

And how do we say thanks? By ignoring you like the third receiver in a typical Chiefs offensive gameplan. That ain't right. You're not the House of SamieParker. You need an infusion of style, of panache, of Wild Turkey.

You need some Yorvit Torrealba.


Rockies fans can be forgiven for being a little tetchy recently. Their team, which many of them supported unconditionally for years (Ed. Note: also a possible lie), just made it to the World Series for the first time ever by relying on a potent cocktail of talented youth and savvy veteran leadership. Leadership provided, in large part, by one Y. Torrealba.

Not only does he play one of the most, if not *the* most, important positions on the field, his steady backstoppery and rapport with Colorado's young hispanic pitchers enabled the staff to settle down and actually play to something approaching their potential. He might not have been much at the plate, but he chipped in with a few timely hits in the postseason in what was certainly the best year of his career.

But! Here come the big-dollar New York Mets, fresh off a historic fold-job and looking for some of that October Juice. They pull out a LenDale White-sized roll of Benjies and wave it under Yorvit's nose. Mmmm, he thinks, that smells like 5 million per year. Daaaaaaammmmmn.

And, of course, he takes it. Who wouldn't? But Rockies supporters hear about this and start pulling on their collars like Rodney Dangerfield in mid-squirm. Uh oh...what's next? Hideki freakin' Matsui?

Take a deep breath, kids. The House is here to tell you that, for once, the Rocks made the right decision.

No way was Torrealba ever getting better than he was in '07. And his defense, while generally solid, had a gaping hole in the not-very-important-for-a-catcher arena of arm strength. Any of the the Iron Triangle's three legs could have beaten his throw to second, and we wash ourselves with rags on sticks. A young Benito Santiago he was not. And his strengths, specifically working with pitchers and calling a smart game, aren't the kind of things that smart GMs--and Dan O'Dowd, too--spend the big scratch on. Torrealba was a good guy and a good player, and most important, he wasn't J.D. Closser or Chris Iannetta. But he isn't worth the money that Omar and the Minayas gave him.

I'll post something similar once the Cubs overpay for Matsui, but I won't bother to employ words--just streaming video of me eating a double-barreled Kurt Cobain hoagie.