Breaking News from Cherished Sports Figure formerly of The Monkees

House of Georges is delighted that Micky Dolenz offered the media his top five pet peeves of the sporting world. That is 100% of awesome. Just what sports needed: a washed-up wanker that used to offer percussion to the stellar quartet The Monkees. Before we get to Mickey's sports irks, let's peek at some gems from his web site.

Here's a cute little poem:

"Love is a Verb"

Love isn't a place you will find some sunny day.

Love isn't a thing you can keep or give away.

Love isn't a person that will make your dreams come true.

Love isn't something you find it's something you do.

Fabulous. Almost as moving as my bowels after Old #7's biscuits and gravy.

Interesting tidbits in Micky's bio include "Circus Boy," the name of the first television show he starred in as a 10-year old. Highlights of the show's two-year run include the episode where the young actor finds himself to be the receptacle of a Zeppelin/Stones bukkake-off. More recent news finds Dolenz directing "Boy Meets World" with everyone's favorite actor's brother Ben Savage. Fred, by the way, has really gone places since never nailing Winnie Cooper. Nice work on that, Kev'. I also really, really like that Micky "got the job" of Monkees drummer as an actor who had to then learn to play the drums. Electric musicianship always works in that order, no? Micky's site also has some rockin' photos, like the one where he's wearing a Daisy Duke top and taking a leak on his kid sister. Savory.

Nevertheless, the list, courtesy of Union-Tribune News Services.

Former Monkees drummer and big sports fan Micky Dolenz gives The Atlanta Journal-Constitution five things that tick him off about sports today:

1. Intentional fouling has become an accepted strategy in basketball. There is something fundamentally anti-American about that.

Uh, what? Basketball=American. Fouling=synonymous with violence, a favorite American pasttime (just ask Tank Johnson). Intentionally stopping the clock to prevent time from expiring which results in you losing=intelligent. Try again, Davy. I mean Micky. You fags have something against "e"s by the way?

2. Hockey has become a barroom brawl thinly disguised as a sport. There is something immoral about that.

Shut the fuck up. Hockey hasn't "become" anything. You (regardless of your days disguised as Peter the Puck) are just paying attention to it more. They've always brawled in it. They're just better at it now. Wanker. Not to mention the fact that, in your photos, your wardrobe leaves you "thinly disguised" as a man.

3. Soccer can't get any mainstream television coverage because there are no forced, unnatural commercial breaks.

What's soccer? I thought you were complaining about sports.

4. The natural flow of American football is corrupted by forced, unnatural commercial breaks.

You ever heard of a little concept known as currency? Sometimes people say dollars, or even muh-nay. Moron.

5. Televisions showing endless sports programs in sports bars is cool. Televisions showing endless sports programs in other restaurants and bars is distracting, annoying and inconsiderate.

No it's not. It's nice to watch the game or catch some SportsCenter without wasted meatheads hollering. You don't like it? Order take-out for you and the boyfriend, douche bag. How 'bout sticking to what you know best? Writing songs with the word believer crammed somewhere into the title. Mm-kay?