Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Baseball In The Daytime: July 1 2009

It occurred to me this morning that I've got my priorities all out of whack. My Red Sox are riding high in first place, but storm clouds are forming over Fenway. Mike Lowell hit the DL with a flareup in his gimpy hip. Dice-K is an unmitigated disaster. The Yankees keep creeping up, and now the Rays are evolving into who Dennis Green thought they were. To top it all off, the Sox blew a 10-1 lead last night in Baltimore. Ten to one.

And yet in the midst of all this drama, I spend all my time fixated on the Rockies and the Royals. I know this blog rotates on a Colorado/Missouri axis, but it's a little creepy. I can't stop watching the Rockies--they've won 21 of 25 and Jason Marquis two-hit the Dodgers last night. It's the best story in baseball.

And I can't stop reading about the Royals, simply because they're covered by just about the best bloggers on the whole series of tubes. You've got our own Banky and Roy F. Almania, you've got Rob Neyer, you've got Rany Jazayerli, you've got Papa Joe, and then you've got whole constellations of other stars chronicling the team. I don't know what's attracted such talented scribes to such a talentless club, but read this piece by Rany or this piece by Joe and try to not get wrapped up in the fortunes of the Royals. I dare ya. Day baseball, after the jump...

Washington @ Florida, 10:10 Mountain Until No. 1 draft pick Stephen Strasburg is signed and brought into the happy circus tent that is the Washington Nationals, Jordan Zimmermann is the future ace in Nationals, um, Nation. Zim's on a bit of a roll, having surrendered two or fewer earned runs in four straight starts. The Nats, of course, score two or fewer runs in damn near every game, so the kid can't pick up a W to save his life. Things get tougher today at the Land Shark, as the Marlins nominate Josh Johnson to throw baseballs toward Washingtonians.

Tampa @ Toronto, 11:07 It's Canada Day, y'all, so pick up some round bacon, blended whiskey and a Mike Myers film and go fuck the wife in the ass so's you can both watch the B'Jays game concurrently. Today at Rogers Centre the Bay-Rays come a-callin' with James Shields as their lead sled dog. Toronto counters with Ricky Romero, who matriculated at Cal State-Fullerton. Which means he didn't really go to college, he just played ball, finger-banged quite a few bubble-headed Orange County vixens and drooled a lot.

Boston @ Baltimore, 11:35 A day after the Massacre At Camden Yahhhds, the Sox hand the ball to Josh Beckett and admister the True Ace Test. Are you a True Ace? Take the Test:

1. Can you stop a losing streak?
2. Can you follow a devastating loss with a seven- or eight-inning workhorse gem, completely eliminating the need for the non-Papelbon releivers that fucked everything up last night?
3. Do you slay helpless animals in the offseason?
4. Do you ever shave?
5. Did you once penetrate Alyssa Milano?

If you answered "yes" to questions 1 through 3 and "no" to 4, give yourself 11 points. Add five extra credits for question 5, unless you are Carl Pavano or Brad Penny. Brad Bergesen starts for the O's today, and I don't think he's going to score too high on the quiz.

NY Mets @ Milwaukee, 12:05 I've come to the conclusion that Los Mets are simply a bad baseball team. Outside of Wright, Santana and K-Rod, they don't have any good players. The Giants, for Pete's sake, are significantly better. So are the Brewers, who send Yovanni Gallardo out against Mike Pelfrey at Miller Park this afternoon--no word on whether Chorizo gets to run in the sausage race. Because he's a dirty Latino, you see.

Minnesota @ Kansas City, 12:10 I'm playing Old Man Cobb in the fantasy baseball this week. I sport the best record in the hypercompetitive Ted Williams Frozen Head League, while the Old Man is dead last and selling off his few decent players for crackers and hand tools. I have to beat this fucking geriatric bum, failure is not an option. Cobb has Glen Perkins on the mound for the Twins today, so Go Royals and Go Gil Meche! Play as if you were not Royals! This is going to end badly.

Colorado @ LA Dodgers, 1:10 I considered this the Rockies' most important series to date, but only if they could manage to sweep the Dodgers. Dropping Game 1 in extra innings late Monday night negated that, because even after Tuesday's win the Rox sit 7 1/2 back with Manny coming off maternity leave Friday. The division is done. Nothing wrong with taking a road game from LA today though, a task left to starting pitcher Jason Hammel. Clay Kershaw goes for the home team, and the platinum larynx of Vin Scully keeps the beat.

Detroit @ Oakland, 1:35 Not only are we playing a ballgame, but we're settling the debate, once and for all, about America's Crappiest City. It's on you, Justin Verlander and Dallas Braden, which burg sucks more than any other? Pick an armpit, and Play Ball!

2 comments:

bankmeister said...

I was beginning to wonder just last night when you'd next write about the Sox. Also, I choked on a snow pea when I read the Toronto preview.

Brian said...

I whole-heartedly agree with your perception of CSUF. As a Titan alum, I too, drool alot.