Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Your Semi-Regular Kyle Farnsworth Update

We like to keep our readers abreast of what's happening with our favorite reliever. It's been a busy week for sure, so try and keep up. Remember, you can always track The Professor's numbers here (stats lovingly sponsored by House Of Georges t-shirt sales) and follow his IM stylings here.

First, the Royals played a series in Cleveland, where once-unhittable Zach Greinke suddenly became hittable. Stank took a 3-run lead to the 8th inning, but tired a bit and allowed a pair of baserunners before manager Trey Hillman went to the pen. John Bale and then Joakim Soria blew the lead, and the game was knotted at three entering the 10th, where The Professor strolled to the mound...

He yielded a quick single to Mark DeRosa, followed by a walk to Victor Martinez. Shin Soo Choo was up next, and he drove a Meatball Express into center where, well, just watch.

Now, this is funny because of the intersection of wildlife and baseball. But honestly, outside the novelty, it was a hopeless situation for the Royals. Even if the birds were not there, DeRosa has a bit of speed, and have you seen Coco Crisp throw a baseball? Let's just say that Coco uncorked the throw of his life, DeRosa stumbled around third, and the runner was out at the plate. You still have first and third, one out, and Kyle Farnsworth on the mound. Don't blame the birds.

This isn't the first time, of course, that the Animal Kingdom has interrupted play at Jacobs Progressive Field. There was the swarm of midges that knocked Joba Chamberlain off the mound in the 2007 ALDS, remember? Everyone assumes that the bugs were there because Cleveland is some kind of urban sewer (plausible) or because Joba's odor is caustic (likely). I'm here to tell you, friends, in a one-of-a-kind HoGxclusive--the insects were looking for Kyle Farnsworth. The Professor was in the Yankee bullpen with Joba, but Joe Torre went to his rookie flamethrower instead of Kyle.

The seagull attack was no accident, just another example of vicious flocks of rabid animals trying to take down our hero. Need more proof? The guy was attacked by his own dog yesterday.

Not that I'm worried about a vast wildlife conspiracy trying to take down the HoG's human mascot. I'm pretty sure the guy can take care of himself.

One more thing about Farnsworth: He's a Mormon. Have a great day!