Friday Morning Fracas: 11-21-08

On Wednesday, Jason Whitlock of The Kansas City Star wasted column space defending what he'd written about Tyler Thigpen being the Chiefs' backup quarterback of the future in another recent column. Yesterday, it was Adam Teicher's job to report that Derrick Johnson is healthy, likely to start at outside linebacker on Sunday at Arrowhead versus the Bills. Today, it was Kent Babb's, or Sea Pappy's turn to include a token Chiefs article, the topic of his the helmet-installed, defensive-player earpieces that Defensive Coordinator Gunther Cunningham and secondary coach David Gibbs use during practice and games, respectively. Each piece in the paper is good in its own regard. What's not, though, is that these are the things we're talking about: 1) backup QBs and why, 2) linebackers and the good ones the Chiefs have cut, and 3) technology and the profanity sometimes conveyed by it. These, in lieu of eye-widening stats, primetime game broadcasts, and winning are what our writers are writing, and we are reading.

I'm not so certain that readership is interested in those stories, and I don't say that to harp on Star Sports Editor Holly Lawton, or the writers themselves. No. This is where I return to my anti-Herm stance. In press conferences this week, Herm Edwards has given the public his stance regarding November-and-beyond on-the-field performances with this -- and I paraphrase -- uttering: At this point in the season, it's on the players to get the job done; there's not much more we as coaches can do.

Awesome. Really, that's great stuff, Herm. I've actually heard this sentiment from him before, like roughly around late November way back in 2007, when the Chiefs were in the middle of a 9-game slide. It's all on the players, though. Got it. Well, what about in the beginning of the season? You know, that three-game skid and the five-game streak that flanked your team's one win in the last 13 months? That all on the players, too? You know, I've stood up for Chiefs GM Carl Peterson, and expressed why I think he won't be fired, which is not the same as suggesting that he should or shouldn't be retained. And I've spent plenty of time taking digs at Edwards for what I can only call ineptitude. At this point, all I want is some accountability. Can (or will) anybody in this organization take responsibility for the non-awesome that is this team?

In the other wing of this House, it's BroncoMania. Sort of. I mean, at least Denver fans have some positives to look at, like the prospect of having their number-one pick garner some Pro Bowl consideration, or the fact that the roll they're on right now could cause the club to be fearful of overlooking an inferior opponent. Must be nice.

In non-Chiefs/Broncos news, though Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig has announced a rule change that will prevent something that has never happened in MLB history. Nice work, Bud.

As for last night's NFL game, With Leather points out that Cincinnati's T.J. "Houshmandzadeh took over #1 wide receiver duties by catching four passes for 20 yards. Thank you very little, asshole." I assume the author started Housh' in his fantasy league, and I'll add to that with this. Dear Pittsburgh Steelers Football Club: Please fuck off and die. No really. Fuck off. And die. Not only did your mistakenly called non-touchdown lose me the game last week, but your coveted defense and ace tailback Willie Parker netted me 20 points in a game that, you know, I'm facing a division rival WITH WHOM I'M TIED. For Christ's sake, Willie, fill your Gatorade bottle with oxycodone and get the fuck back on the field. It's snowing. You're at home. Carry the ball for more than, let's say, 37 yards. And hey, while you're at it, pay the ol' end zone a visit, would ya'? To every fantasy owner that ever said having the 12th of 12 picks in a snake-formatted draft, I invite you over for a dip in my salmonella jacuzzi. It's lovely this time of year.

Like the NBA? Have a look at some of its handsomest fellas.

(courtesy of Blaze of Love, via the Big Lead)

Alright, back to Broncos-related biz. The Smoking Section links to Black Voices, who has a story on former Denver running back Travis Henry. We all know Henry's stories by now, but given everything that has happened to him, it either is or isn't a surprise to you that he "thinks his child support is too high." Denver Louis, the author of the piece wonders if Henry might "think twice before he pops out number 10." For some reason, I kinda doubt it.

Three Idiots on Sports connects to a report of a hookah-smoking lounge that, uh, didn't have its fire extinguishers mounted accessibly enough.

And finally, Joe Sports Fan runs a feature called Top 7. Today's installment is called "Worst Athlete Bodies." Pretty funny stuff.

Drop by the House later on. We'll be bringing some Friday fiction, and maybe even some "Sleeping with the Enemy." Or, we might just start knocking back some of these:



Ya' never know.
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Thursday ThumbTubes & YouNails: 11-20-08

Time's of the essence, kids, so let's not waste any of it. After the jump, there's greasy wrestlers, a showering football wife, Food Network zing, and plenty of ThumbTubery/YouNailage to back it up. Let's get crackin'.

Never been a fan of the 'talica, but this is pretty cool:



Can't help but wonder, though, where they got the idea for hitting that board on the way to the tunnel...



The Big Lead looks at some possibilites for a Bill Cowher relocation in 2009.



I might have to shake the shit out of someone since the Chiefs aren't on that list.

They also let us know that this is (former Chief) Denver Bronco center Casey Wiegmann's wife,



to which I have to say, "What?"

I knew about Miss Boatwright some time ago, and had seen pictures of her with Chiefs gear on, and read lines about her being a Chiefs fan.



I was not aware that she wed Mr. Wiegmann, though.



And of course I now wonder if she has a bunch of orange-and-blue crap. Wouldn't suck if she didn't.

The gang over at Hugging Harold Reynolds compares Food Network personalities with NFL quarterbacks. Pretty funny, but mostly, it's an opportunity to ogle Giada De Laurentiis,







which, you know, is fine with me.

Since there are about nine trillion people on the Web doing it, we typically don't post a lot of wipeout videos, but when someone tries to ski a treadmill from behind a fast-moving car, we can't help it.



In the heyday of the World Wrestling Federation, I used to watch a ton of wrestling. The WWF was bad-ass, and so were many of its characters. One of which is a former member of The Hart Foundation, and PhillyBurbs has a review about ex-wrestler Bret "the Hitman" Hart's autobiography. My jaw hit the floor when I discovered that a) the book is 592 pages long, b) "Bret is constantly looking after brother-in-laws Davey Boy Smith, Dynamite Kid, and Jim Neidhart.", c) "Dynamite is broke, living in an English ghetto, alone, and sad.", and d) Hitman has a "rocky relationship with Hulk Hogan."

This all left me shocked, mostly for two reasons: 1) I actually felt compelled to order this book, and 2) the Hart Foundation



and the British Bulldogs



are all brothers-in-law? Huh?

Well, consider my mind effed for the day. Oh, well, there's always Big Daddy Drew's Jamboroo to do more of that. I'm out.
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Wednesday Whatnot: Coco Crisp, Tecmo Bowl, and Bud Light

It's official. The Kansas City Royals have shipped middle reliever Ramon Ramirez to the Boston Red Sox in exchange for outfielder Coco Crisp. It should be noted that the Royals didn't actually package the pitcher up and put him on a UPS truck. It should also be noted that Crisp's birth name is Covelli. His grandmother began calling him "Co," and his brother coined the full nickname "Coco," allegedly much to his parents' chagrin. Finally it should also be noted that due to a hangover that will not go away, this post has no continuity whatsoever.

Really. I'm sure it's been done four kazillion times, and will continue to be overdone, but I can't help myself: If Crisp plays center for KC, who will be in left?



And in right?



Instead of discussing what losing Ramirez does to the Royals' bullpen, or how Crisp's on-base percentage isn't all that impressive, here's an example of the Chiefs' offensive lines of the early 1980s...



And here's a little Christian Okoye action...



In case you were curious, Len Dawson loved Brian Griese when this was taped; Dan Marino loved his anger. And his hair.



And for no reason whatsoever...



I don't like Bud Light.



At all.



Just wanted that to be noted as well.



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We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Put It On Craig'sList

If you're anything like me (Editor's Note: May God bless you.), you've moved around a lot in the last 15 years, hauling boxes and tubs of crap from one basement to another. When I shed my singledom and moved in with the wife, the ever-looming project of sorting through my U-Haul's worth of basement junk hovered over the household for the better part of a year and-a-half. Last weekend, we dove into the project, and I've managed to amaze the both of us with the slop I've schlepped around over the years. In some sense, I long for the days of the one-trip move when I could fit everything I owned in the short bed of my pickup. But now, thanks to the ListeriesofCraig, I can get some American currency for my no-longer-desired piles of rubbish instead of watching the poorer than we (Note: May God really bless them.) root through it at the edge of my lawn in the streetlit evening.

Here's the thing with Craig'sList, though: It can be downright creepy. I mean, you might as well take out a classified that says, "Hey, here's my name, e-mail address, phone number, and an inventory of what I might own." At least, that's pretty much what happens when people want your shit. A few folks have wanted to meet in public, perhaps afraid that I might butcher their bodies into small parcels, then sell them on CL. Most, however, are like, "Where you live at, Broseph?" And I tell them, and they come over. There've been some interesting folks swinging by the HoG headquarters the past few days, and much to my chagrin, notta one of 'em looked like any of today's contestants.

Alektra Blue



When Alektra knocked on my door, I opened it, and promptly forgot a) what she said, b) what she was doing there, c) what my name was, and d) all of the above.



And then she reminded me.



I couldn't sell her my ax, though, because I'd already promised it to Amy Reid.



She actually wanted the six-string and my bass, so that was easy enough.

Celeste Star



When Amy came by to pick them up, she brought Celeste along for the ride.



She got a bit pouty, though, when I told her that my goods were spoken for.

Cindy Taylor



Miss Taylor was interested in a blanket we posted.



Insert token joke of your choice about bundling her up for winter,



and do the same regarding her "trying out" my couch.

Debbie Beal



Debbie was one of those Craig'sListers that shows interest, makes plans to meet for the exchange, then no-shows. It's quite the intricate stand-up.

Diana Doll



Diana Doll was a bit odd. Apparently, she had some products on the market. I could not afford them.

Gemma Massey



I had a bunch of computer goods I wanted to pawn off, and Miss Massey wanted the monitor.

Georgia Jones



So did Georgia Jones, though. When she found out it was gone, I offered to give her my tower for free,



and she promptly never called me again.



She did send an e-mail though, and encouraged me not to offer strangers the shirt off my back, as apparently that's her job.

Hillary Fischer



Hillary tried to trade me some Mardi Gras beads for some speakers. I told her it would cost her $50 bucks to give me those beads for the speakers. Believe me when I say, "She bought it."

Julie Alexandratou



Julie was interested in some of my furniture as well.



I mean, she really liked it.



I told her it was all hers, under one condition:



I come with it.

Jessica DeCarlo



Jessica actually lives across the street (Note: They have quite the extravagant pond in their yard.). When she came over and asked what I was doing, my response was, "Not earning enough money for a divorce lawyer; please go home."

Laura Leigh



I think Laura Leigh was a bag lady in a past life.



She wanted absolutely everything,



and frankly, I was in no position to deny her.



I won't speak for her and say that she'll be a repeat customer,



but she left with a smile,



and gave me her card.

Layla Taylor



Miss Taylor was looking for vehicle accessories. Miss Taylor did not get the memo that I was without a vehicle.

Louise Glover



Speaking of non-memo getters, Old No. 7 once professed his love for Louise.



I'm not certain why.



It's not as if she's ridiculously attractive,



or appealing in any sort of way.



But be it brunette, or sandy blond, she goes under the "Wanted" section of Seven's CL ad.

Marketa Brymova


Back to the point, though. Marketa needed some pants; I had none that fit her.

Sandra Nilsson



Sandra bought my old Nintendo and my PlayStation,



though I had the damndest time selling her on a game of naked Twister.

Spencer Scott



Spencer Scott wanted my old laptop, and rang my doorbell dressed just like this. No kidding. I just saved myself the headache and took myself to jail.

Victoria Ivanova



When I advertised a pair of old VCRs, I didn't think I'd find any takers.



Victoria showed me that both were worth good money,



and I suddenly felt compelled to pop some wood corn.



She left with a heavier load then when she came; my load was lighter.

Victoria Kruz


Miss Kruz was looking for any accessory that would enhance the decor of her or her home. Luckily, the wife hasn't noticed that her hooker boots have gone missing. Cha-ching!

Thanks to Gorilla Mask and DailyNiner, who always make posting things on Craig'sList take much longer than they should.
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