Looking Ahead
Thank God that's over. Don't get me wrong. It was tons of fun, especially considering that the Chiefs were on the clock for roughly half of the draft. The good part about draft weekend having come and gone, though, is that we're one step closer to football season. And one step closer to next year's draft, too, which is why, after the jump, I'll break down mock selections for each round of every team in the 2009 NFL Draft. (Update: No, I won't.) Instead, actually, it's time to run through the almighty schedule, and have a gander at how the Kansas City football club aims to improve from a 4-12 record, which, in case it wasn't already obvious, shouldn't be difficult to do. That is, it shouldn't be difficult to do with a non-terrible football team that plays only terribler football teams three to four times a season.
The wife and I went to dinner last night, and a portion of the drive to and from involved an interesting Q&A regarding Chief draft results, and where the franchise stands compared to one year ago. Here are some highlights:
Wife: So what did the Chiefs get?
Bankmeister: You mean who?
W: Right.
B: Well, we got a defensive tackle, a defensive end, two offensive lineman, two cornerbacks, a running back, two tight ends, two wide receivers, and a safety.
W: Wow. And who's gone from last year?
B: Of names that you would know, Eddie Kennison, Jason Dunn, Kris Wilson, Ty Law, Boomer Grigsby, Kendrell Bell (Editor's Note: While mentioning that name, I silently thanked the football gods while simultaneously cursed them for not expediting that departure.), Jared Allen of course, and then flippin' Samie Parker and Casey Wiegman cloaked themselves with fabric from the dark side.
W: Geez. Sounds like a whole new team.
B: Right. It kind of is.
I went on to tell her that, first and foremost, the goal is to improve upon last season. Other highlights included my hopes that Carl Peterson maintains his new streak of getting draft picks signed in time for all of the necessary football functions, i.e. training camp; make an actually educated determination on whether or not quarterback Brodie Croyle will succeed in this league instead basing it on a) his injury-riddled college days, b) last season's winless-as-a-starter efforts that involved a league-leading-sacks-allowed offensive line, an injured running back, and nobody to throw the ball to beyond Dwayne Bowe, Tony Gonzalez, and (sometimes) Jeff Webb, and c) well, we don't really need a "c," -- "a" and "b" are beyond substantial.
She asked what would qualify as an improvement upon last season; five and twelve? I chuckled, and noted that if we won five games, chances of us losing more than 11 would be pretty low, but ultimately said "absolutely not." I basically, knowing the likelihood being next to nothing, told her that anything beneath a 9-7 record is unacceptable, and even then, a playoff berth is practically out of reach. Finally, with all of my football wisdom, told her that winning every game should be the aim, but, realistically, a 10-6 season should be the bare minimum aim. That is, if you like football in January, and Super Bowls and stuff.
(Update: The wife, now an apparently regular reader of the HoG, demanded that I make her sound smarter in this post, which would require some non-laziness on my part, a task I'm not up for handling given that I am in fact lazy. Suffice it to say that she is astronomically smarter than me in all things not-football-related, and she may one day take over that category, too.)
So there's that. And there's this:
We'll skip the pre-season since no head coach since Gunther Cunningham has apparently cared about winning any of these games. Chiefs lose all four. Good times.
Week One: at New England Patriots
What better a way to kick off the season than with the almost-perfect-season SpyGate clan, who, in all likelihood, are bitter about not winning another Super Bowl. This contest -- and mark my words, no one, no one, will refer to it as such once time has expired -- will be a brutal, ugly way to start things off. The Patriots, with the help of Belichick's new secret weapon, beat the Chiefs around more than all of the "Fight Club" clips combined, 42-6. The losing streak climbs to 10 games: 0-1
Week Two: Oakland Raiders
The good news is that the Chiefs will play at Arrowhead before week three this year. The bad news is that the Chiefs lost to the Raiders at home last year for the first time since Elvis Grbac was our pigskin slinger. The better news is that Oakland, while likely compiling a better-than-'08 campaign, stutters out of the gate, and falls to Kansas City in another last-possession-wins contest, 17-14. The streak ends, and the Chiefs are .500!
Week Three: at Atlanta Falcons
This, perhaps, will be as good as it looks all year. Few teams are worse than Kansas City, but the Falcons might just be one of them. The Chiefs roll -- as best they know how -- the dirty birds, 16-7, and improve to 2-1.
Week Four: Denver Broncos
Back when Denver was going to Super Bowls like, every other Wednesday, I used to have this philosophy: If you don't win the Super Bowl, Chiefs, then please, at least sweep the Broncos. And that was fun. Kind of. Okay, it was fun to say when things looked really, really bad. Then, every once in a while, we'd have a dismal campaign and Denver would sweep us -- hey, look! like last year -- and I'd be like, "Please. Don't forget to kick my dog after raping my grandmother and setting my house of fire. Thanks." Nevertheless, I've long since abandoned that philosophy, since it's clearly been etched in stone that the polar ice caps will melt before the Chiefs win a championship. My revised philosophy: No matter how ugly it gets, don't let Denver sweep you. That one's slightly more feasible, since, uh, the lone requirement is to win one lousy football game all year. And I must, for the sake of self-esteem, push logic aside on this one, and be a homer. Be it a result of a doink off the upright, or kharmic return owed to the mile-high franchise for time-out shanahananigans and years of home cookin', or a simple lackluster Bronco performance, the good guys win, 14-10. Larry Johnson has a dazzling day, and the Chiefs are 3-1.
Week Four: at Carolina Panthers
This might be the hardest game to pinpoint on the schedule. I have no idea how Carolina will look this year, so I'll just go with the safe bet, and suppose they'll be better than KC. Chiefs lose 24-13, and fall to 3-2.
Week Five: Bye
Look, ma: We didn't lose!
Week Six: Tennessee Titans
The Chiefs couldn't handle Jeff Fisher's club last year, and this year will likely be no different. The former Oilers notch an Arrowhead victory, 31-17, and the Chief are back at .500; 3-3.
Week Seven: at New York Jets
Herman is cursed. Jets win 13-10. Again. Chiefs are 3-4.
Week Eight: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I honestly don't remember the last time the Bucs came to town, and lord knows I ain't lookin' it up. Why? Jon Gruden = good coach. Herm Edwards = not Jon Gruden. Tampa Bay, and all 16 of its quarterbacks, reboards the pirate ship with a win. 21-9, and the Chiefs are 3-5.
Week Nine: at San Diego Chargers
Somehow, by the graces of Marty I suppose, the Chiefs managed to beat the Bolts at Qualcomm last year. Too bad it won't happen again. LaDainian Tomlinson, as usual, scorches the Kansas City secondary for 200+ yards, and a 38-17 Chargers victory. All things Chief look bad, especially at 3-6.
Week 10: New Orleans Saints
About as hard to peg as the Panthers are Sean Payton's French Quarter football squad. This will be one of few contests where the home-field advantage is, well, still an advantage. Barely. The Chiefs scrape together a rare win, 17-16, and improve to 4-6.
Week 11: Buffalo Bills
This is one of those squads that the Chiefs have always had trouble with. They handily defeated the Chiefs at my very first (and only) NFL game with my dad, and as far as memory serves, they've handled us on most every occasion since. A shake of the magic eight ball suggests that things don't look to improve on all fronts Buffalo, and the Bills knock out the Chiefs 28-13. The season looks pretty rough at 4-7.
Week 12: at Oakland Raiders
Another trip to California doesn't hold much in the way of promise. Fat boy Russell is coming into his own, and first-round-pick Darren McFadden treats the red and gold to a seminar of how not to tackle rock-toters. Lane Kiffin's kids get the edge in a 31-20 victory, though those 20 points might be generous. Another loss, 4-8.
Week 13: at Denver Broncos
As Old No. 7 might say, "the Chief rule is" that nothing good comes from a visit to Denver when one roots for the club with the arrowhead on its helmet. I imagine we'll win there someday, just not this one. Denver keeps that mile-high skillet sizzlin' with a 30-19 win, and Kansas City fans vomit at the notion of 4-9.
Week 14: San Diego Chargers
Norv Turner, the post-season on his little brain, comes to Kansas City with hopes of a season sweep of the Chiefs, and he get his wish. LT, Gates and company contribute to the Arrowhead renovation with an all-out demolition of the home squad. Bolts win 42-21, and the Chiefs are 4-10. Awesome.
Week 15: Miami Dolphins
Like the Bills, the Dolphins have always given the Chiefs trouble. Though we've notched a win against this now-Tuna-run organization in the last couple of years, it seems as though the fish have managed to handle Kansas City throughout history. Today, however, the tide turns for the Chiefs, and they cast Miami back out to sea. KC hangs on in a nail-biting finish, 20-17, and add to the win column, 5-10.
Week 16: at Cincinnati Bengals
I'm not certain how many seasons in a row we'll face the Bengals, but the Chiefs are definitely developing a streak of facing these stripe-laden foes. Lucky for Kansas City, the wheels have come off of Marvin Lewis' squad, and KC nets back-to-back wins with a season-ending road victory, 24-17. Though it isn't much of an improvement, 6-10, in some sick way, does look better than 4-12, especially considering they close the season with some of that non-existent momentum to carry into 2009.
That's how it looks from the House of Georges headquarters at this point. The positives, I foresee, will come in the form of some solid rookie play, and Croyle making his doubters think, if only for a second, about heaving him into the pile of never-weres.
While far from number one, the Chiefs give their faithful fans something to look forward to in the latter part of the decade. Can't wait.
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