Thursday Thimble: 1-08-09

What, you are probably asking, is the ridiculousness behind that headline? Well, it means time's of the essence, and we've uncovered a few tidbits worth sharing. Said tidbits, overturned, after the jump...

In what I'm dubbing the shockingest news (thus far) in the new calendar year, Old No. 7's favorite quarterback -- occasionally referred to as Old No. 4 -- is not going to get his 39-year-old hustle on with regard to his decision to continue dragging out his career.

Speaking of Old No. 7, crafty sage that he is, he once told me that having your team featured on HBO's "Hard Knocks" was a jinx to the club's upcoming season. Zoner Sports silently suggests that he's right.

And the news just keeps getting shockinger: Adam Jones allegedly involved in another night-club shooting, cut by the Dallas Cowboys.

The crew at Kissing Suzy Kolber frequently shocks with their words, humor, and PhotoShop contributions. I promise, if you click here, they'll really get you with the latter.

In updates more pertinent to this very House of Georges, Arrowhead Pride has two Patriots-related scoops of plump juicy raisins to offer: There are allegations that Clark Hunt has made an offer to Scott Pioli; they link to Mile High Report who suggests that New England Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels is separating himself from the pack as the next possible leader of the Bronctinent.

That is all. Please return to your free online porn, more professional sports-blogging sites, and personal lives. Oh, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
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It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Want To Bloach N' Roll)

The Cleveland Browns hired Eric Mangini yesterday, a move I consider exceedingly smart. Mangini is a competent coach who'll bring a proven system to the shores of Lake Erie. He'll win games, and if Cleveland can settle on one quarterback and find the right mix of parts, he may someday win big. It's a really good fit.

Would Mangini have been a good fit in Denver? Did Pat Bowlen miss out on his coach with his very deliberate hiring process? It's hard to say, but as the Broncos embark on their first coaching search in a generation, I think finding the guy who's the best fit for the unique set of circumstances that exist in Denver is paramount. Too many pundits are focused on the star power, the side of the ball, the perceived salary demands, or the bloachiness of Bowlen's candidates.

What matters most is where our next coach's sweet spot is.

Before I even get started, I have to submit a doctor's note for my prolonged absence. I have the requisite excuses: the holidays, travel, my wife's pregnancy and insistence that we finish the nursery, a cold, several feet of Rocky Mountain powder that needed to be plowed, and most crucial a three-week KO of the internet service in my office (apparently a plow had wiped out a Qwest pedestal nearby).

None of this matters, of course, the world needs my shitty opinions like it needs more bad reality TV. But this particular storm of distraction came at the worst possible time. My NFL team completed the hugest collapse in the history of the sport--that's hard to do and I'm damn proud of them for pulling it off. It's kind of like the warm feeling a Lions fan must have these days. There have been plenty of awful teams, but only one can say it is the awfulest, the hands-down worst team of all time.

Then my Broncos canned Mike Shanahan, only the most successful coach they've ever had by many miles. I thought the move was rash and foolish, and that we the fans would soon feel a disproportionate amount of pain because of it. In the ensuing weeks, I've come to grips with the move and even embraced it. If you look at the Denver Broncos as an organized crime syndicate--and I know that many of you do--just remember that once in a while you need to whack a guy. Usually these are low-level soldiers, guys who get out of line or start dropping off a light envelope. Clipping them is just the cost of doing business. Every so often, though, the boss gets a little too comfortable. He feels invincible or complacent, gets sloppy, and the only way to fix the problem is to take him out in a flurry of bullets. It's for the good of the family long-term.

The person who crystallized the sanity of the firing was, ironically, my knocked-up grumpy wife. The day it happened I had dozens of hysterical conversations with stunned men, friends and strangers alike. When I spoke to the wife that evening, though, she asked me how many other coaches who oversaw The Biggest Collapse In NFL History would still have a job the next year. Excellent point, sweetie.

Make no mistake, I still think Shanahan is a phenomenal coach, and if he finds the right situation in the future he'll win another championship. But the key is finding that match, that ideal mixture of city, franchise, owner, GM, staff, quarterback and players that can get you to the top of the heap. You can win if one or two of those components is out of whack, but if too many handicaps are in place you're fucked. Shanahan's Achilles' heel was, of course, his eye for defensive talent. Drop him into a scenario with a capable GM and defensive system and you're in business.

Hell, look at Bill Parcells. He's arguably the greatest coach in the history of the game and he could not get the Cowboys out of the first round. He was hobbled by a maniac owner and a few nutcase players. OK, one nutcase, but TO's insanity is so batshit pervasive it can take down even the mighty Tuna.

And Parcells is the right starting point for getting back to my original theory--that the Broncos need to find the right coaching fit for their current team. Bill Parcells is the only guy that can excel in all three phases of coaching. I'm not talking about offense, defense and special teams, my friends. I'm referring to making a horrible team respectable, making a respectable team a contender, and turning a contender into a champion.

Let's look at a few of the coaching candidates out there, not just for the Broncos but for every team. And for the sake of argument let's temporarily ignore guys who've never had the big job, because no one really knows if Jason Garrett or Steve Spagnuolo are future Hall-of-Famers or future laundry attendants. Take, for instance, someone who's near and dear to all of our hearts: Marty Schottenheimer. Marty is a fucking fantastic coach. He can take a pile of shit and turn it into a house. Reggie White thinks he might have a little Oriental in him--I have no doubt that Marty could turn a television into a watch. If I ran the Lions, I'd hire Marty, and in three years I'd be in the playoffs. Detroit is not looking for a Super Bowl right now, they're looking for a guy who won't go 0-16, and Marty will never go 0-16.

Marty would never work in Denver, of course, because he plateaus at 10 or 11 wins and stalls in the playoffs. He's simple and predictable, which is great for making that horrible team respectable. But he cannot get you over the top.

Just like all a Lions fan wants is a few wins, your basic Kansas City fan simply wants a playoff victory. They may say it's all about the ring, but they're lying to your face. The next time the Chiefs actually win a playoff game expect a spike in cardiac arrest fatalities among the elderly in the greater KC area. They'll die happy, not caring what happens next.

Now Herm Edwards is capable of winning a playoff game, he did it with the Jets. I just don't think he's capable right now of constructing a team that could come anywhere near the postseason, which is a problem if your only goal is to win a playoff game. Were you to replace him with, say, Jim Fassel, the Chiefs would instantly become more professional. With a little luck they too could make the playoffs in a couple years and even win a game. But the press conferences would go from Mora-level entertainment to Belichick boring.

And, sure, if KC hired Bill Cohwer or Mike Shanahan they could make a run at a title, depending on who's running personnel. Problem with that is both of those coaches have enough pull to eliminate any independent oversight by a strong GM. So you end up with a similar situation to Shanny-in-Denver. Don't underestimate the luxury Cohwer had in Pittsburgh, where he grew as a coach at the end of the Rooney family/Tom Donahoe player pipeline. Deep down I think Bill Cohwer's about as good of a GM as I am, and I thought the Maurice Clarrett pick was brilliant and the Eddie Royal pick was a disaster.

So which former coach works in Denver? I say none of them, now that Mangini's gone. Brian Billick is a circus freak, and retreads like Dom Capers and Romeo Crennel are strictly coordinator material. I think the right route is to go young, cheap and inexperienced and hope to hit the lottery. I think bringing in someone who can gut and rebuild the defense is key, so long as they're willing to provide offensive structure to Jay Cutler and Jeremy Bates or whoever is running it. I'm definitely intrigued by Raheem Morris and Leslie Frazier, young guys who've been dismissed as Rooney-rule interviews but that I have a feeling can actually coach.

But my current favorite is Baltimore DC Rex Ryan. He's Buddy's less-mulleted, less-Raidery kid. He'll slash and burn the existing defensive depth chart and craft something effective. I don't know if that'll be a 3-4 or 4-3, although I do hold out hope that Jarvis Moss could find success as a rush OLB in a 3-4.

And if it doesn't work we do all this again in a couple years, like every other team in the NFL. The last time Bronco fans were in this boat we witnessed another offspring of a goofball coach (Bum Phillips' son Wade) fill the gap between two Bronco legends: Dan Reeves and Shanahan. If a guy like Rex Ryan simply kept the seat warm while Cutler continues his development, then hands off to a coach who can take the team over the top, so be it. At least we're not coming off 0-16.
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We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Yippy Kai Yay, Owe Nein

It's been a few weeks since we went to the WAHCW rodeo, but now, on the first Wednesday of the new year, we're back with another installment, and this one doesn't promise any award nominations. That's right, we're mailin' another one in. If there is, perhaps, any silver lining in the form of verbage, the House of Georges urges you to get creative, to add your own New Year's resolution lines to any or all -- come on, we know you've got 25 -- of the images of talent below the jump. As is always the case, we expect a gazillion comments, teeming with originality, for lines far superior to anything we could've concocted. That's your first homework assignment of 2009, beloved reader. So get that whip crackin'...



















































(images courtesy of Coed Magazine)
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Tradition Tuesday: Rumor Mills and Talk Radio Disappointments

It's true that the rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs (represented by me) and the Denver Broncos (Cecil and Old No. 7 claim them). It's also true that nine years ago, we started The Tradition, in which we make annual pilgrimages to one another's stadiums for some damn good times. Tradition Tuesday is our weekly state-of-the-rivlary address. In it, we touch on both clubs, but today, I'll barely mention Denver, offering Seven one last shot at touching on the canning of the Rat before it becomes really, really old news.

'Round here, if a guy does the TalkRadios on a regular basis, he usually does this one or this one. It seems to me that older folks tend toward the latter, younger the former. And it seems to me that very few folks do both, though I'm sure there are some. I go the 610 route; always have. A couple of years ago, according to one personality in particular, managment there wanted to "go in a different direction." They made, in my estimation, one long-overdue decision, and a couple of bad ones. Or shall we say that they just weren't Wright. More on that, after the jump.

Briefly, though, I'm a bit pleased to say, that after who knows how many days of speculation, someone finally published some firm "Scott Pioli's in town" news. Lucky as always for Cecil, his favoritest journalist gets the credit. There are also new speculations hovering, ones tied to media functions slated for today, that Carl Peterson will be accepting employment elsewhere, like in Florida. The 610 Web site says the following:

"He's slated to join The Morning Sports Drive on 610 Sports Radio this morning at 8:10and meet the media for the final time in a 330pm newsconference (sic) to be aired live on 610 Sports Radio. This amidst reports that he may not be out of work for long, and that he may be in line for a front office job with the Miami Dolphins."

If that's the case, good for Carl. I wish him the best, and thank him for his contributions to the franchise.

Mr. Nick Wright of KCSP 610 AM, on the other hand, has some retooling to do; the ol' noggin', as it were, has gotten a bit cobwebby. Let's put it this way, his co-worker, Neal Jones (who takes the four-hour slot before Wright), along with most anybody with any intelligence, has been campaigning for Herm Edwards to go, that the new GM can't afford to gamble on another year with him as head coach. Support for the contrary lacks common sense. It really does.

Like most men, on December 23, I started my Christmas shopping. At the time, Jones was on the air, and luckily, I had it done shortly after Wright (not even three hours total) took the mic. I had some time to kill, and decided to pop in to a dive for a beer and a burger, and en route to the joint, Wright offered considerable contributions to my already-alarming road rage. I got to the bar and sat in the parking lot, listening to his sheer idiocy (Editor's Note: For the record, I've heard his program many times before, and don't always find it terrible.). Eventually, I'd had enough, and I went in to place my order: a bacon cheeseburger, a Pabst, a water with no ice, and four blank guest checks; these thoughts had to be penned immediately. Understand, I was mad, and in the haste of the moment, I said some things that weren't nice. What follows is my letter to him.

Nick --

I've been listening to 610 for about five years. The resignation of Chiefs General Manager Carl Peterson has given Kansas City talk radio a plethora of material. Neal Jones has received many e-mails and texts calling him an idiot for his stance on Herm, but I'm writing to say that the idiot is you. There are a few items for which I will give you credit(Note: In hindsight, it may've only been one.), but negative criticism is the majority of what I have to offer your program from this evening.

1) Yes, your interview (Note: Wright interviewed Chiefs defensemen Tank Tyler and Turk McBride; it had been broadcast the previous evening) with Tank and Turk was good, but you ruined most of it this evening by giving yourself props for conducting it in a "well-thought-out, well-researched, felt-good-about-what-I-said" manner. You're an on-air radio personality. You should do that every time you pot up with the 'phones on.

2) Like many media personalities, you insult the listener by assuming you know something they don't. What I mean is that you pretend to know specifics like what coach and/or GM picked particular players in past drafts. Practically in the same breath this evening, you blasted Peterson for the picks of the Vermeil era, then lauded Herm for the selections during his tenure.

This implies that these men have personally told you or a colleague of yours whose pick was whose, and you and I both know that didn't happen in any regard, and never will. It's simply not how the NFL (or its personalities) operates.

3) It takes a lot of nerve to take this mentality to the next level and suggest that there are plenty of other "vacation spots" where a Bill Cowher type would prefer to relocate for employment purposes. Then you backtrack by saying KC is your hometown, you love it here, etc. Real on-air professionals have already touched on this on your station and all of the nationally acclaimed guests interviewed in those slots have agreed that KC is a top-tier attraction for an NFL higher-up.

But on to Herm.

4) You just agreed that 1) Priefer, 2) Solari, 3) (retention of Cunningham), 4) in-game decisions, and 5) clock management are all fair knocks on Herm while the overwhelming argument against his record is not. And that's where you lose credibility. Not matter the stance or the angle you take, this game is about winning on Sundays.

And that, Mr. Wright, is not an accomplishable feat when you make mistakes at all three coordinator positions and simply are incapapble of managing/coaching a game.

(Note: I've said it a million times...) Herman Edwards is a smart man and a good coach. He may be the best of 32 in the NFL @ embodying those two characteristics from Monday-Saturday. Those days, however, are the six of seven in the week that don't matter. Sunday, Mr. Wright, matters. Period.

5) By comparison, Mike Shanahan has been (Note: Naturally, this note was written a week before his firing.) the head coach of the Denver Broncos since 1994. He has accomplished everything a head coach desires, and more. His worst record since assuming that role is 6-10. That means, in his worst campaign, he won as many games as Edwards has in two years. And as you mentioned, you don't count his first year here; Herman Edwards is 6-25 (basically) as the Chiefs head coach.

I don't care what spin he put on it, that 9-7 wildcard spot was a fluke, and a fluke with Dick Vermeil's team. And as we all know, he did the same thing in New York in putting together a "debut season" with Parcells' club; they more or less tanked every season after, and are clearly a better club under (Note: Again, pre-firing.) Eric Mangini. And while it may be a stretch, Tampa won a Super Bowl after Herm was gone and Jon Gruden got things re-tooled.

The fact of the matter remains that Edwards in not a great coach in the NFL, and he never will be. Everyone knows how easy it is to turn things around in today's NFL, courtesy of free agency and the salary cap. Herm is incapable of that task, though.

6) Now, I won't argue staunchly against the belief that he should get one more year, but there are too many intangibles on the line there to take that risk. As Jones puts it, what if you do (keep him around) and he goes 7-9? Are we supposed to believe that they'll go 10-6 in 2010? No. They won't. Not under Edwards.

Finally, you went all-out adolescent by saying that Belichick (were he in Herm's slot these past two years) couldn't even take this team to 15-9 against a Big VII team. And there is where you sound like a fool.

For starters, you take a plausibly easy road by using Belichick. Unfortunately, he's not the best coach in 2008. John Fox, Mike Tomlin, Jeff Fisher, and Tom Coughlin are all better. Why? They have more wins, Nick. More. Wins.

This game is about winning games and if you can't do that, at least play complete games en route to learning how to win. You wanna hang that insufficiency on personnel when you've already admitted that these poor coordinator choices, coupled with the two largest in-game responsibilities an NFL coach has, are all good knocks on Edwards. So, by that assertion, a good company boss can and will be successful by putting the wrong people in place and not knowing what he's doing to gain the edge on his competitors. But he can make quality hires? Can you honestly fail to see the sheer lack of logic and reasoning in this stance you've so boastfully taken?

Frankly, I hope it's been worth the few ego strokes you've gotten; I hope the ratings ploy has been a success. This Chiefs fan, however, hasn't been fooled. I'll likely continue to tune in on occasion, solely for the sake of how this KC Chiefs decision plays out, and for the sake of knowing I have a better understanding of the NFL than a trained, learned, and paid professional claims to.

Sincerely,
Bankmeister

P.S. You thought that "Freaks Come Out At Night" was by Michael Jackson? Dude...

Mr. Wright's opinions on the coaching genius known as Herman Edwards can be read here.
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Sunday StubTube: Rough Draft

With the third overall pick in the 2009



the



select...



I've been hoping the Chiefs will snag this guy in April. Say what you will about blog starlet Erin Andrews -- or don't, because everyone and their mothers clog the 'spheres with EA material every single day. While it's worth a chuckle, I'm not necessarily a fan of the mockery, but I found it slightly more entertaining than what's transpired in the Minnedelphia game so far.

(link courtesy of Deadspin, via other sites)
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Sunday Sermon: Is This Like the Fourth Time It's Been Sunday This Week?

Well, we haven't exactly been post-tastic this week, but everyone's schedule's been a bit screwy. While it would appear that the good games happened yesterday -- nothing like a 3-3 Dolphins/Ravens first half -- there have been some interesting things take place since we last checked in to articulate our thoughts and opinions on the Mike Shanahan firing. After the jump, we'll talk playoff football, the Winter Classic, and more. Please join.

In the universe of things miscellany, I'm a sucker for a good commercial, and the first to criticize a bad one. I happen to enjoy this one:



Now, if interpreting this ad as a prequel to a Manniams porn shoot is wrong, then believe me when I say that I don't want to be right. I will be ready and waiting to pirate that clip.

Regarding the New Year's Day hockey contest at Wrigley Field, I gotta say that it was conceptually awesome. I say conceptually because the outcome sucked, as all Red Wings victories do, but the venue looked spectacular, the fans appeared to really enjoy themselves, and after last year's amazing game at Ralph Wilson Stadium, it would be hard to imagine a better television rating in 2009, but it jumped 12 percent. My prediction for next year is a Rangers-Islanders contest at the new Yankees stadium. Perhaps those won't be the teams, but I feel pretty solid about the location. But enough about hockey, right?

Yesterday's NFL playoff games were awesome. Will Leitch's buzzsaw emerged victorious over Mike Smith, Matty Ice, and the Atlanta Falcons. The contest started strong with a surprising dose of Edgerrin James, and on one drive in particular, James and Brenda Warner's husband collaborated on a flea-flicking touchdown pass -- that culminated with an incredible Larry Fitzgerald catch -- to really set the pace of the game. The Arizona defense did a fantastic job of containing Michael Turner (42 yards), and ultimately, got themselves the win. Ken Wisenhunt's Cardinals established themselves as the greatest show on removable turf, and acquired many a bandwagoneer, myself included. It was a great appetizer to Saturday evening's main course: Marmalard versus Chesning.

(Update: The half has ended, and the Ravens are up 13-3, largely thanks to two Chad Pennington picks. The CBS Halftime Crew just interviewed Jeff Fisher, and showed a great clip of Bill Cowher (then with the Eagles) tackling Fisher (with the Bears) on a punt return play. Fisher, the punt returner, had his leg broken by Cowher, a play Fisher jokingly called dirty, and Cowher responded by saying that they were both "non-athletes; That's why we were on the punt teams.")

I asked Cecil and Seven how a Broncos fan possibly roots in this contest, given that a) though Denver has somehow had New England's number in recent years, the Colts have regularly destroyed them, and b) the Chargers-Broncos rivalry has, in the last two years, become the best in the AFC West, and among the tops in the conference. Seven, once Chesning finally got to the Super Bowl and won it, has gone on record, and admitted that his hate for the elder Manning brother has recently diminished. Add to that that he now hates the Chargers more, as "these things go in cycles," quoth the Hootster. Cecil, however, opted to root for a bomb to be detonated at Qualcomm, but one that only maims both signal callers.

Personally, I rooted for the Chargers. This was so for three reasons: 1) I'm tired of seeing Peyton in the post-season, 2) I'd like to see poor ol' Norv Turner have a few critics get off his back, and 3) the way that Whale's Vagina came back to claim the division from Denver, and vindicate HochuliGate, has got to be one of the best NFL stories in recent years. And by "recent years," I mean ever.

Anyway, much like the Kansas Jayhawks 2008 championship game, I didn't really expect to see this game get tied and go to overtime as the final fourth-quarter minutes approached. When it did, I was pumped for more football, and a Charger chance at Colt elimination. Darren "Webster Coleman" Sproles ripped off 328 yards in quite the performance, and Marmalard hit Gates with key passes in OT, concluding a great day of football, (Editor's Note: save the post-game interview with Rivers; that was quite painful.) which is much more than I can say for this Dolphins game. The best aspect of it thus far is the Ravens defense putting vicious hit after vicious hit on the Miami offense. (Update: Hey look: As I typed that the Ravens clobbered Patrick "Wayne" Cobbs and he coughed it up.)

Once this one's in the books, we'll get Philly-Minnesota. Snore. Now, I'd like to see the Eagles get the win there, just to silence the Viking hype. Brad Childress does not appear to be a great coach. Obviously, Adrian Peterson is an animal, but the quarterback situation there is a joke, and Jared Allen can help himself to a spoonful of bloody stool.

(Update: Mike Cox's least favorite player Le'Ron McClain just scored.)

And now that this game has gotten even more exciting, I'll conclude this random rant, and really not pay attention to it.

(Note: Ed Reed is a freaking animal.)
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Bloachin' in Denver?

For those who just joined us--which is no one because our only readers have been with us from the start, thanks to a few well placed Susan B. Anthony dollars--this here internet web log was very nearly called the Black Coaches Blog and the focus was very nearly black coaches, i.e. bloaches.

But then the Amyl Nitrate wore off, we came to what passes for our collective senses and made it a general ongoing argument between fans of the Denver Broncos and Kansas City Chiefs, with special emphasis on The Tradition. Which needs no explanation. Even if it might, since I'm talking to you who supposedly just showed up and haven't a clue what kind of snappy foundations this here House is built on. But hey, too fucking bad, Chachi. You'll just have to scroll back a bit, or click on one of our helpful tags (seen below).

I bring it up because, as you might have heard, Mike Shanahan killed a family of five in Eads with his bare hands and thus lost his job as Head Coach of YOUR Denver Broncos. And news today suggests that this far-flung outpost of liberalism, this verdant urban oasis in a sea of lumpen intolerance and automatic rifle ownership we call Denver, might finally boast a bloach in its midst.

But there's a problem. I think we have already heard this story.

Because the candidate in question is a 32 year-old gentleman named Raheem Morris who found employ with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as their coach of Defensive Backs (before being promoted to defensive coordinator following the departure of Monte Kiffin at the end of the season). He's thought to be a natural leader of men, the kind of guy that, as one news story put it, "people just naturally gravitate to." A rising star in NFL coaching circles, to be sure, but one with no experience as a game-day coordinator in the bigs.

Sound familiar?

Morris could turn out to be an inspired choice. He's worked with Jeremy Bates in Tampa, so he probably wouldn't mess up that side of the ball too much. He's a Tampa 2 guy, so he has a system that he believes in and will stick to and that the current front office can draft players to fit. All of which would lessen the institutional change the Broncos would endure, which could only be to their, and our, benefit. He worked his way up through the ranks and his unit ended up second in the NFL defending the pass last season.

But the similarity in circumstance is just too much to ignore. I mean, really. It would be like if we went after Dallas' Offensive Coordinator, a guy who'd been with that organization for a long time, had the blessing of ownership and legitimate reasons to think he could run the whole kaboom. This guy--Oh, shit, sorry, this guy.
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