Sunday Sermon: Is This Like the Fourth Time It's Been Sunday This Week?

Well, we haven't exactly been post-tastic this week, but everyone's schedule's been a bit screwy. While it would appear that the good games happened yesterday -- nothing like a 3-3 Dolphins/Ravens first half -- there have been some interesting things take place since we last checked in to articulate our thoughts and opinions on the Mike Shanahan firing. After the jump, we'll talk playoff football, the Winter Classic, and more. Please join.

In the universe of things miscellany, I'm a sucker for a good commercial, and the first to criticize a bad one. I happen to enjoy this one:



Now, if interpreting this ad as a prequel to a Manniams porn shoot is wrong, then believe me when I say that I don't want to be right. I will be ready and waiting to pirate that clip.

Regarding the New Year's Day hockey contest at Wrigley Field, I gotta say that it was conceptually awesome. I say conceptually because the outcome sucked, as all Red Wings victories do, but the venue looked spectacular, the fans appeared to really enjoy themselves, and after last year's amazing game at Ralph Wilson Stadium, it would be hard to imagine a better television rating in 2009, but it jumped 12 percent. My prediction for next year is a Rangers-Islanders contest at the new Yankees stadium. Perhaps those won't be the teams, but I feel pretty solid about the location. But enough about hockey, right?

Yesterday's NFL playoff games were awesome. Will Leitch's buzzsaw emerged victorious over Mike Smith, Matty Ice, and the Atlanta Falcons. The contest started strong with a surprising dose of Edgerrin James, and on one drive in particular, James and Brenda Warner's husband collaborated on a flea-flicking touchdown pass -- that culminated with an incredible Larry Fitzgerald catch -- to really set the pace of the game. The Arizona defense did a fantastic job of containing Michael Turner (42 yards), and ultimately, got themselves the win. Ken Wisenhunt's Cardinals established themselves as the greatest show on removable turf, and acquired many a bandwagoneer, myself included. It was a great appetizer to Saturday evening's main course: Marmalard versus Chesning.

(Update: The half has ended, and the Ravens are up 13-3, largely thanks to two Chad Pennington picks. The CBS Halftime Crew just interviewed Jeff Fisher, and showed a great clip of Bill Cowher (then with the Eagles) tackling Fisher (with the Bears) on a punt return play. Fisher, the punt returner, had his leg broken by Cowher, a play Fisher jokingly called dirty, and Cowher responded by saying that they were both "non-athletes; That's why we were on the punt teams.")

I asked Cecil and Seven how a Broncos fan possibly roots in this contest, given that a) though Denver has somehow had New England's number in recent years, the Colts have regularly destroyed them, and b) the Chargers-Broncos rivalry has, in the last two years, become the best in the AFC West, and among the tops in the conference. Seven, once Chesning finally got to the Super Bowl and won it, has gone on record, and admitted that his hate for the elder Manning brother has recently diminished. Add to that that he now hates the Chargers more, as "these things go in cycles," quoth the Hootster. Cecil, however, opted to root for a bomb to be detonated at Qualcomm, but one that only maims both signal callers.

Personally, I rooted for the Chargers. This was so for three reasons: 1) I'm tired of seeing Peyton in the post-season, 2) I'd like to see poor ol' Norv Turner have a few critics get off his back, and 3) the way that Whale's Vagina came back to claim the division from Denver, and vindicate HochuliGate, has got to be one of the best NFL stories in recent years. And by "recent years," I mean ever.

Anyway, much like the Kansas Jayhawks 2008 championship game, I didn't really expect to see this game get tied and go to overtime as the final fourth-quarter minutes approached. When it did, I was pumped for more football, and a Charger chance at Colt elimination. Darren "Webster Coleman" Sproles ripped off 328 yards in quite the performance, and Marmalard hit Gates with key passes in OT, concluding a great day of football, (Editor's Note: save the post-game interview with Rivers; that was quite painful.) which is much more than I can say for this Dolphins game. The best aspect of it thus far is the Ravens defense putting vicious hit after vicious hit on the Miami offense. (Update: Hey look: As I typed that the Ravens clobbered Patrick "Wayne" Cobbs and he coughed it up.)

Once this one's in the books, we'll get Philly-Minnesota. Snore. Now, I'd like to see the Eagles get the win there, just to silence the Viking hype. Brad Childress does not appear to be a great coach. Obviously, Adrian Peterson is an animal, but the quarterback situation there is a joke, and Jared Allen can help himself to a spoonful of bloody stool.

(Update: Mike Cox's least favorite player Le'Ron McClain just scored.)

And now that this game has gotten even more exciting, I'll conclude this random rant, and really not pay attention to it.

(Note: Ed Reed is a freaking animal.)
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Friday Funnies: The Denver Broncos Are the Gift That Keeps On Giving

Welcome back to the series of Tubes, beloved House of Georges readership. We talk a lot of Chiefs/Broncos football around here, and in two short days, Kansas City will be playing to not win the game once more, thus securing their worst record in franchise history, while Denver plans on begging the Colts to come to town for a cut-that-meat clinic of epic proportions.

Technically, this post has nothing to do with Shannon Sharpe, but stick a frank in that mitt, and I'll bet he's real skilled at giving the baby batter a jostling. Anyway, it's Friday. You ain't got no job, and you ain't got sh-- to do, so why not join us after the jump, and have a chuckle at the expense of the perhaps 2008 AFC West Champs. Come on. You've already got horse lips. Let's throw in a stoned lineman and a pouty lil' laser-rocket arm. It'll be fun. Promise.

Courtesy of Deadspin, we get a snippet from the Whale's Vagina, that stellar place known as SignOnSanDiego. According to Matt Wilhelm, Jay Cutler is a punk, along with other things that are "unfit for...radio." He also took some other liberties to plug his favorite AFC West signal-caller:

"Philip Rivers is not only one of the best football players I've ever met in my entire life. He is one of the best people off the field," Wilhelm said. "... He'a family man. He's in church every sunday. That's it. That's all you really get is golly and darn. Never a swear word. Never anything rude and crude as I mentioned have been said by one person. It never comes out of Philip's mouth."

Now, I'm not going to say I disagree, or think that Wilhelm is a liar, but I have seen a tiny shred of evidence to the contrary. Just sayin'.

Mr. Wilhelm, in calling Mr. Cutler one of the league's biggest crybabies, took a shot at Tony Gonzalez, too, saying that the two hold a tie-breaker in the whining category. Riiiigggghhht.

Then there's this tidbit from LarryBrownSports that claims recently retired Bronco Matt Lepsis has admitted to burnin' some bush, figuratively speaking. Though the story says Lepsis never admitted which drug(s) he used, he did say this:

“The first thing I did when I woke up in the morning was get high, and I would try to stay that way all day long...”

There is a nicer, holiday-cheerier side to this Denver squad, however. As Kissing Suzy Kolber's Big Daddy Drew reports, the Broncos have given the San Diego Chargers a "seasonal" gift:

From: Denver Broncos
To: San Diego Chargers
Gift: The AFC West

In discussing Sunday's game between the two clubs, BDD reports that "Neither of these flaming shitheaps deserve to make the playoffs, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t stage a fucking awesome game they last time they met. And it doesn’t mean that one of them – the Chargers – couldn't end up winning a playoff game or two once they get in. And they could do it all at the expense of leaving out an 11-5 Patriot team. I think the playoff system should be rejiggered so that this happens every year. I get a Thunderstik in my pants just thinking about it."

Mmmm. Flaming shitheaps. He also suspects that Denver head coach Mike Shanahan may be withholding something from the injury report: "Jay Cutler (asphyxia)." And finally, he's added Shanahan to his "Fire This Asshole" list of coaches that, in his opinion, need to be canned.

Other related miscellany:

Apparently, JJ McCartney, the Voice of the Ogallala Indians for over a 20th of a century, agrees, and he'd like to add that "If you blindly pay allegiance to Mike Shanahan, then I think you expose yourself as a Kool-aid-drinking lemming."

The Big Lead is predicting a Whale's Vagina victory by the score of 41-34.

HercRockFromTheSun agrees with the alleged injury-report shenanigans.

Oh, well. At least there's Eddie "KC" Royal...



Oh, and a Broncos roundup would be ridonculously incomplete, if we didn't drop in on Predominantly Orange. This week's jewel of insight looks like this:



"It comes down to this. A playoff team will be decided as the Broncos face the Chargers in San Diego. This entire season could be extended or it could be put into the record books for all to look back on in disgust."

Deadpan.
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