Phillips 66 Says...

Take that Big XII title, baby!



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Land of Linkin'

Again with these. Soon this site will be a link dump with no text beyond the occasional spare "n00bz." Here's some stuff anyway.

Non-sports: this is an animated version of a conversation on Yahoo! answers, where the Hoi Polloi ask questions that their fellows attempt to answer. If that sounded snotty and elitist, it's because it was. Anyway, The first time I watched this, I nearly peed myself.

Catfish probably doesn't read this blog, but he sure wouldn't appreciate some easterner in pancake makeup bagging on his team.

You probably avoided this story because it made the throwup show up. I should have.

Oh my goodness.

Pro Day workout updates, courtesy of paleolithic football figure Gil Brandt, who revolutionized scouting with the Dallas Cowboys and also took part in the Diet of Worms.

Some dude named Scott Wright thinks the Chefs will beat us to Ryan Clady, which would cause me to shake a closed fist menacingly in that city's direction. He also has us taking a linebacker who will probably drop to the bottom third of the round.

Yahoo! puts the draft on its front page.

And finally, just for fun, one of my relatives.



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The HoG One-Year Anniversary Presents "Things We Actually Covered Well": Part Three, WAHCW

As our year-anniversary, self-inflicted crotch rub celebration continues (Editor's Note: We can't thank the hordes of you who've sent cakes and cards enough), it's time to re-visit another aspect of our coverages that might be found synonymous with words like successful, laudatory, bravado. And this feature hasn't been an easy one to upkeep. As later noted, there are a few gaps in the consistency of its appearance, but being that we operate on a pretty small budget, it's not easy to keep flying in talent, schedule the photographers, etc., etc.

That said, there have been a few installments of the WATCH, as Seven likes to call it, that have in fact given us the esteemed red-letter day on occasion over these past 12 months. We've taken it upon ourselves to share a few of those with our readers, after the jump, this time sparing the eyes and the wrists of those oft-obnoxious links. Well, most of them, anyway. (Note: We've recruited a very special narrator to re-hash the year. Enjoy.)

"Yeeeaaaah....hey, reader. How's it going?

"Mmm-hmm. Wanted to talk to you about this Hot Chicks Wednesday business. Yeeaah. I'm gonna have to go ahead and say that these, uh, yeeah, Houses of George characters haven't exactly done the most efficient job in this series, but, uh...well, we'll cover that later, 'kay?"

April



"Let's see. So, the, uh, House, of, uh, Georges team didn't really have a whole lot going on in April. Pretty, uh, amateur stuff, if you will. They did have this post on Monica Bellucci, but, uh, yeah...not a whole lot more."



"So, I, uh, took the liberty of including this photo. She seems like an intelligent young gal, someone I'd like on board with me at my company. Keeping busy. Reading. Probably works weekends without being asked. Mm-hmm."

May



"Right. Apparently, May was famous people month for the team of Georges."



"Couldn't get any local talent, so they had to make do with images of folks we already knew were talented."



"Yeeah. Pretty me-di-ocre in my estimation."

June



"June included some posts of some interesting names,



like 'The Sultry Stare,' and 'Cat Scratch Fever,' and 'Who's the Boss?'"



"Yeeah. Clever, but, uh, not very original. I'd give that month a C-."

July



"In my eyes, July tended to get a little out of hand."



"And really, what do we mean by 'out of hand'?"



"We pretty much mean lazy, unoriginal, lots of, uh, (throws finger quotes in air) 'shock value' material, if you will."



"But, uh, you know, this house full of georges



may as well've called themselves a house of rookies this first go around."

August

"Yeah. Now that I've gone out on that limb,



August did show marked signs of improvement.



"Although there was some material here that I, uh, yeah, well, I'm not really sure if I got it.



"Nevertheless, it was a busy month for this feature



as it generated five installments and included some clever names like 'Top Shelf',



'The Buddy System', etc."

September



"Mmm-hmm. And then there's September.



"Right back into the thick of laze. Generic posturing,



footballish scenes,



and, uh, overall monotony.



"The Georges plugged along, but, yeah, originality



really faltered in September.



"Maybe one of their, uh, weakest months thus far. In fact, if they could avoid that trend for all of 2008, that'd be grreat.

October



"And we see it continuing in October,



only this time with less output.



January



"Yeeah, and that brings us to November and December where, we, uh, don't see much of anything from these Georges. Pretty embarrassing.



"At least there's the token January post.

February



"February we see a little more effort, sort of coming out



of that winter's coma, if you will.

March



"And March is, uh, still ongoing, of course.



"I suppose if you wanted to inspect one specimen of this year's worth



of installments, it might behoove you to do so for the lone March edition.



"It's got nice variety and generated some conversation, and, uh, in all likelihood, can be found here.

"So, um. Yeah. I'm gonna need the Georges to go ahead and work weekends to make this feature better if they want me to re-cap it again next year. If they, uh, if they can make that happen, that'd be grreat."
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Sing a Song of Sundquist, Adios, Adios

So the Broncos let Ted Sundquist, their "General Manager," go yesterday evening. On the surface, this sounds kinda ho-hum, because everyone and their talking boil knows that Shanahan runs the whole show. But it ain't that simple.

First of all, this is just another occurrence in a stee-range offseason. The team's penuriousness is kind of shocking, since last year Bowlen opened up that wallet and made it rain. But now we're hearing ominous talk of cash problems--talk that may be a smokescreen/first salvo in the owners' upcoming war against the CBA, common sense, the golden goose and kittens--and noticing that, hey, all these people are leaving...and no one is coming in to replace them.

So maybe hiring from within is a good thing, but I smell something funny. (And it's not my ass, although I could definitely see why you'd think that.) In my biz, the money crunch is, hah, front page news--talk of "doing more with less" is endemic, and the empty desks are a-pilin'. I walk through a sea of them each morning. When I hear about my beloved Denver Broncos discussing belt-tightening, giving assistants more work, etc....makes me nervous. Especially since Bowlen is a poor rich owner, whose major asset is the football team, instead of a rich rich owner like Bob Kraft or Danny Snyder with plenty of other cash flow streams.

Back to Sundquist. Why now? And why did he act surprised, after he wrote a long e-mail two months ago to Mark Kiszla that read like the work of a man who *knew* he'd be let go, but wanted to cover his own ass in advance? This is all very cryptic.

Does Shanahan really need to consolidate his power even more? Or did Tedly have a larger role in player selection than we'd thought? I know that everyone--including, generally, this kid--blames Shanahan for everything, but I'd also heard that he generally listens to the opinions of his scouting staff on draft day.

So maybe we can't lather him with quite as thick a spread of blame. Maybe Sundquist was the impetus behind the concentration, over the last 8 years, on workout numbers and "upside," a poop-flavored cocktail that brought us Willie Middlebrooks, Ashley Lelie and about 15 defensive linemen who are currently working on one of No. 7's dad's construction crews. Maybe. It's hard to tell, because the Broncos are only slightly less secretive than North Korea. Who knows who does what? Does Shanahan really even exist, or is he just an orange hologram?

Alls I know is, if they take DeSean Jackson in the first round, I'm shooting the TV, Elvis-style.

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The HoG One-Year Anniversary Presents "Things We Actually Covered Well": Part Two, The Tradition

It's true: The rough focus of this blog is in fact the rivalry between the Denver Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs. Cecil and Old No. 7 champion their half, while I, all on my lonesome, herald the red-and-gold portion.

Now, one year into the HoG's existence, we can adapt our little adendum and say that eight years ago, we started The Tradition. In a nutshell, them clowns come out yonder in their orange and blue, we gos to the 'Head, and sometimes watch the Chiefs win. I's, all dudded up in my Zubaz, rides a horse out to Denver, and together we watch the Chiefs never win. Some opposing fans are cool, while some are, uh, not. Nevertheless, it's always a hoot.

For the past 12 months, we've published a weekly post that hinges, in some way, on said tradition, and it makes for some good laughs, and pretty good reading. After the jump, take a peek at some of our best efforts in this regard.

In August, we wrote a little something about self-destruction. The nutshell of the post, was that both tradition-related teams, not too far along from the season opener, looked like ass. It also went rambling on a bit about how HBO's television program "Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Kansas City Chiefs" was really gay, and a lot like a reality TV show. I tended to agree with only the former, but whatever.

Not too long after that, the dad-gummed season finally got underway. And we were stoked. Sort of. It would've been swell to not have the Chiefs come out of the gates 0-2, and not have the Broncos start out 2-0, but ultimately it didn't matter; the two teams combined for a mere 10 wins, and it was time to insert the ol' tagline of "there's always next year."

A couple months later, it was time for Tradition Week One, 2007. And things looked bleak. We ended up having great seats for the terrible game, and, shockingly, managed to entertain ourselves from dawn 'til much, much later. Mostly at the expense of others. Suffice it to say there were good times had.

There were happier times associated with Tradition Tuesday. They, unfortuneately, all took place prior to Kickoff Weekend, but what're you gonna do. Like in May, when we wrote about guys clowns who've played for both clubs, or in June, when we made tons of fun of Herm. (Editor's Note: That activity is seldom, if never, reserved for only June.) June was a doozy, though. It also fostered the TT post that begat the T-Hen 1500 Watch. Now, that, was some down-home, good-cookin' fun times.

Twas in April, however, that we unleashed, perhaps our best tradition material. We shared the quaint little story about how our quarterbacks, now rivals in the same NFL division, were fostered in the same college conference. The post itself was pretty putrid in regard to any sort of professional journalism. But it was cute. And then there's the post that got it all going: "Fields of Dreams." Yassir. That 'un there put the shinola in spit-shine. Tells it all real good, real thorough-like.

And there you have it, year-long readers. A nice retrospective to our efforts at sharing what is, The Tradition. Read more

Lineup Against The Wall: Chicago Cubs

Before we let fly with another edition of our preseason offensive preview, I must comment on the latest shenanigans down in Florida. I'm pretty excited about the Joe Girardi Era, so long as he's going to let the Bay-Rays get under his team's skin. I predict that Joe and Hank Steinbrenner brawl in a clubhouse tunnel by May.

Moving on, let's talk Cubs baseball. I heard somewhere that it's been awhile since the Chicago Nationals won it all, and I say hey, anyone can have a bad century. Dempster says it's their year, so I'll play along. I do know that this team's going to put a few runs on the hand-cranked Wrigley scoreboard, so let's examine how.

I can claim a legitimate "scoop," as I just heard on XM Radio that Lou Piniella is considering shuffling his lineup and dumping Soriano from the leadoff role. So technically it's their scoop, but all I know is that we beat Bleed Cubbie Blue to the punch. So suck on that. We're not the 948th-best Cubs blog on the TubeStreams for nothing, slackers.

And here are your 2008 Baby Bears, one through nine:

1. Ryan Theriot SS
2. Alfonso Soriano LF
3. Derrek Lee 1B
4. Aramis Ramirez 3B
5. Welcome To The Fukodome RF
6. Mark DeRosa 2B
7. Geovany Soto C
8. Felix Pie's Nutsack CF

I personally dig the move, although Theriot needs to refine his plate approach to make it work. I hate Soriano in the leadoff spot, I think it's a waste of his talent. I know he can run, and on a supremely loaded offense like the Yankees he could be a luxury in the one-spot. But the Cubs need him to both steal bases and drive in runs, and moving him down even one spot will help.

Plus, leading off in the National League is kind of a bitch. You spend the first six innings of the game watching the pitcher flail right in front of you, thus insuring that you always come up with no one on and/or outs already recorded. Let Theriot take that bullet.

Both Theriot and Soriano will need to up their OBP, regardless of where they slot. Both hovered around .330 last year, and Soriano struck out 130 times. I'll bet Cubs fans cannot wait to see Soriano's game at the end of his contract in 2014, when he's 260 pounds.

Lee and Ramirez are pros in the 3-4 spots, as is Mark DeRosa at No. 6. Sandwiched in between is Fuck-A-Dome, this year's expensive new toy. I'll be shocked if he gets to 20 HR this year, but I do expect him to hang around .300 and drive in 80+. Geovany Soto is supposed to be both a dynamite receiver and force with the bat--a future franchise catcher.

But no discussion of Cubbie hitters can take place without discussing the scrotum of Felix Pie. Oh my. Felix's frankfurter is in intensive care, following a handful of gruesome procedures that you can read about if you like stories about junk incisions.

Oh, and we won't be talking about the Astros this March, but current 'Stro and ex-Rockie Kazuo "Sex" Matsui is having some issues south of the border as well. Good day...
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Hookers, Dude, Hookers

In breaking news out of New York City, Colorado Rockies owner Charlie Monfort has resigned from his side job, governor of the Empire State. Monfort has been living a Bruce Wayne-like double life, running the defending NL champs while simultaneously cleaning up Wall Street and bangin' whores. Busy guy.

Even more schizophrenic, Monfort incorporates wholly different faiths into his role-playing games. When wearing his purple polo, he preaches while thumping a Christian bible. But his alter ego, known to some as "Eliot Spitzer," is the Great Jewish Hope. That had to be confusing, especially around Passover. Here's Charlie in costume as baseball owner and trustee at Mesa State (a school that's easier to get into than a hooker's pants):


And here he is dressed as "Eliot Spitzer," including one incident when he showed up at a ballgame and forgot who he was:


Here's hoping "Charlie" can refocus solely on the Rox, even though any chance of acquiring more pitching is now gone. Damned secret identity!
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