Championships=Boobs

I don't know why, but this new Nike ad with Serena Williams cracks me up. Oh yeah, I do know why. It's because it shows her rack, and when you first read it you think it says "titties." Or, at the very least, "tittlies," which isn't even a word but could be. You know, it combines "tickle" and "titties," both of which are pretty good words. That is funny.

Now I've always been conflicted by Serena. Part of me think she looks like a dude. A ripped dude. But part of me is drawn to her massive curves. Yes, I am looking at her titles.

I think we're all out of whack when it comes to female athletes, especially hot or semi-hot ones. Nike is trying to make a point that these chicks are athletes first and that their attractiveness is secondary (Mia Hamm, Picabo Street and Gabby Reece are also part of the campaign). I call shenanigans on the whole affair.

Nike is in the business of selling shit, and hot people (be they male or female) sell more shit than ugly ones. I don't see Jeff Garcia or Billy Jean King in this or any other big Nike effort. So blow me, Nike.

Meanwhile, I hope to get a good peek at Reece's "titles" in the coming weeks. She's got some good ones.
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Peculiar Gesturing

I'm not sure what El Rey had in mind when he went to make this gesture, but I do know one thing. This story has gotten really old. The wife and I had a lovely stay in sunny Costa Rica. In the few moments I was able to escape to the bar, the only sports highlights available -- in extreme redundant nauseum I might ad -- had to do with a silly sport that's very popular down there.

I, for one, don't get it. The Royals were on a tear (thanks for keeping true to the "win while Bankmeister's out of the country then return to crappy baseball mantra upon his return" guys), the Sabres proved that I shouldn't try to pick a Stanley Cup Champion two months before the finals, and some other things in the wide wide world of sports happened as well. Like you, I didn't give two squirts about them.

Not at first anyway.

But I return home, and, strangely, find myself longing for more highlights of guys like these:

And guys that bow to/wave this:

Heck, even paying attention to guys that dress up like who knows what, just so they can root for their club and lock arms with Jose Lima's ex-wife other adoring fans would be cool at this point.

Anything to make the ever-so-sleepy Green/Peterson debate go away, and go away fast.

It wasn't easy down there. I had to learn what baseball statistical abbreviations in Spanish look like/mean. I had to wade through tired seas of sweaty Yankee-capped fans dancing salsa, and wait until every other piece of futbol-related news had been covered 400 times just to find out whether or not the Royals had won.

And this is what I come home to? Come on. Let's move on, already. We have a Huard brother. We have a mighty young SEC grad waiting in the wing. Let it play itself out. When the deal is over, let's cover it then. Not before.

I don't wanna get the Master of Verbalization all tired out before pre-pre-season mini-camps OTAs are over. Last time I checked, that would just be flustrating.

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