We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: All in the Family

Know why I love August? It's not because football is here. It's not because the baseball post-season is around the corner. And no, it's not the lovely Kansas City summers. I love August because that always means family reunion time. Some folks I've met hate these sorts of functions. I think they're grand, but my family's pretty darn cool. My uncle's got a fabulous piece of land, and well, they're just always such a good time. Like most families on an R & R binge, we probably eat and drink a bit too much, but we manage to work it off pretty decent by yellin' and sleepin' a bunch when we're not eating and drinking.

Anyway, always wanted to take the ol' camera down for one of these memorable occasions but I always forget it at the last minute. Well, not this year. You, fair reader, are in for a treat. After the jump, a glimpse into life Almania-style.

Anita Dark



It's always a ho-down when I see my Dark-est cousin at the door. She likes to party, and I knew she wouldn't disappoint.

Ashleigh Marie



No one gives a better tour of the farm, especially Aunt Ashleigh. In the green room. With the pink thingie.

Brooklyn Decker



Never been to Brooklyn, and she's not kin anyway.



She does crash on my couch from time to time, though.

Blaire Lindsey



I've got this second cousin with two first names. She likes to stay outside, which means everyone else likes to stay outside.

Elaine Alden



It's nice to have friendly folks like Miss Alden in town.



She gave my uncle directions to his own home. I thought that was mighty lost o' him.

Gaby Ramirez



Miss Ramirez is our neighbor down by the lake. We, uh, totally spy on her on days that end in 'y.'

Gemma Massey



Gemma Massey is freaking everywhere. Like on my grandpa's garage wall, and in his bathroom, and in this sound-proof room in the attic, too. Weird.

Georgia Jones



Georgia Jones is a hired hand on my uncle's land. She helps make sure the seeds are good and planted.

Jamie Graham



Young Jamie there was once knocked up by my cousin Roy. Don't tell her, though. A little formaldehyde goes a long way.

Jayden Cole



Jayden Cole lives up the road. She heard the noise of our gathering and asked if she could join. We obliged.

Jurgita Valts



Someone paid this fine lady to "deliver a telegram" to my grandpa. He blushed and then had to change his pants.

Kagney Linn Karter



Miss Karter comes around every year and tells us what we ought not be doin'. Then she gets drunk and changes her mind.

Kristin Dishner



Kristin was supposed to bring the cake this year.



When she showed up with pie instead,



we figured that'd be fine.

Kimberly Holland



The lovely Kimberly's engaged to my cousin Vic. They've been engaged for about seven years, and every year he gets in a fight with somebody over something they say about her.

Laura Celeste



Laura Celeste used to be engaged to my cousin Vic.



She kicked 'em out of her double-wide after four and-a-half years,



but she still invites herself to the reunion every year. Pisses Granny off.

Mandy Mae



Mandy Mae's a rather quiet aunt of mine.



I don't know what she does up there in that room of hers,



but she's never been much for socializing.

Michelle Moore



Miss Moore teaches down at the school house. My adopted uncle's kind of a peeping Tom, and, well...

Sasha Grey



Sasha Grey literally wandered out of the woods in the early evening.



She was looking for directions to somewhere, but I don't think there was a map in the barn after all.

Tasha Nicole



If I'd stayed in Joplin, I'd probably be married to Tasha. Lucky for me, I found the woman of my dreams instead.

Veronica Ricci



Miss Ricci works on my grandpa's tractors. And by "works on my grandpa's tractors," I mean she can clean a carburetor faster than anyone I've ever met.

Victoria Ivanova



Victoria's been her apprentice for about six months now.



But Veronica sent her looking for a 1/8 mm ratchet 23 weeks ago. She still hasn't found it.

Katie Fey



Katie Fey is the sheriff's daughter.



Never understood the favoritism,



but she gets away with murder down there.

That's it for this week. Thanks to our caterers and entertainers, who always make the shindig great.