Wednesday, March 18, 2009

We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Another St. Paddy's in the Books

Another St. Patrick's Day in the books, and I gotta say I'm glad it's over. Though I only had three Irish red beers after my 16-hour bartending shift yesterday, I've felt hungover all day, and I think it's because I'm nearing the point where I'm too old to deal with such pure mayhem for such long periods of time. But, I'm proud nonetheless, to have spent yet another Paddy's like a true Irishmen: working. And, hell -- you can't beat the money. As usual, there were some characters out yesterday, and since we couldn't get signed releases to give us permission to post their likenesses here, we've sent out the official House of Georges investigative crew in search of some good examples. The results of their fruitless efforts, after the jump.

Alexandra Shadowens



Anyone who's ever attended a St. Pat's party in any city knows the "Alexandra Shadowens" of the bunch. She's that striking girl that shows up dressed in an outfit that makes even the dudes say (to themselves) I can't believe she's wearing that.

Amy Marie



The best way to summarize your typical "Amy Marie" is as the girl that stepped out her front door that morning with two goals -- and by God, she will achieve them -- in mind: Get wasted, and get laid, most certainly in that order.

Angelina Ash



The best way to summarize "Miss Ash," however, is as the girl that most certainly did not attend the festivities at which I was working.

Capri Anderson



"Capri Anderson" is the girl that gives -- like many women are prone to do in their birthday month -- the three-weeks heads up. She wants precise responses from each of her friends that they will be "there" on the big day. She also demands a $150 minimum in the wallet/purse of each friend, anyone but her to drive, a notarized affidavit from her boss saying it's okay to take the 17th and the 18th off, and if she can get all that, she'll likely go for the approved written consent of Major League Baseball, too. Needless to say, she wakes up ready.

Federica Fontana



For the guys that are interested in destroying their livers on St. Patrick's Day, "Federica Fontana" is that girl. The girl that, around six in the evening, hinted that she wanted you. When you didn't get the memo, she stated it elicitly at five past seven, and you, opting to drink for six more hours with your same old friends, passed on the golden ticket, and you now devote the rest of your existence to finding someone half as hot as her that will let you see her naked.



You will also likely employ any and every source you can to tracking her down, just in case she's still interested, only to find that, like the ex-presidents in "Point Break," she's a ghost.

Jamie Graham



The "Jamie" at every Hoolie, is the sort that you see most every time your out, no matter the bar, and you seldom, if ever, think twice about her. On this day, however, dressed to the nines, she's hotter than fried habaneros, and you who've ignored her for so many evenings, can only stand by and watch as she grinds on the dance floor with the official king of Club Douche Nozzle. You of course, are left with no option but to mentally torture yourself for, once again, being a complete idiot.

Jessica Pelli



I'm not sure about your function, but the DJ at mine yesterday, did not look like Jessica Pelli. In fact where I was, she was a he, and he was significantly less attractive, and the proud owner of a setlist to get us through half of the day, then repeat.

Karlie Hebison



"Karlie" is like "Alexandra" in that you're surprised at her choice of attire. Except in this scenario, you're surprised that she's dressed so nice, surely knowing that the venue would often and frequently have puddles of urine, vomit, and beer.

Kayden Kross



Girls like "Kayden" are abundant on this holiday. You know, either via knowing or not, that her special areas have hosted many, many a visitor.

Kimberly Rogers



I had a co-worker like "Miss Rogers" yesterday. Her hotness can and will distract you from any ongoing within the festivities. For the sake of self-preservation, we'll say that said co-worker was my wife.

Laurena Lacey



Functions such as yesterday's always draw a "Laurena" or two.



Trouble is they're always there on behalf of Captain Morgan, or Jagermeister, or something,



leaving them, by the time you get a moment to strike up conversation, thoroughly versed in detecting all forms of bullshit, small talk, and pick-up lines.

Sophia Weber



I'm not sure how Sophia fits into the mix, but use your imagination for a change, you slouch.

Sophie Howard



There's a certain quality about "Sophie Howard" that causes even the women to alert the men to the attention of said quality.

Stephanie Strong



In such immense crowds, the wait at the bar can get annoying. That's why it's nice to have "Strong" hands with precision dexterity on the cocktailing staff.

Sunny Leone



Every year, there's at least one "Sunny" on staff, though. You know the type: She sees the party. She wants to be at the party. She's the first to clock out and visit your bar from the other side of it.

Taylor Loftlyn



Then there's "Taylor." She's always been the conservative team player. Until today. Today, she's shown up dressed to sell, and she will more than double any two other staff member's tips, thanks to the rockin' bod' she's always hidden, and the getup she's arrived in for the gig.

Veronica Zemanova



Finally, there's usually "Veronicas" in abundance. They get a couple shots in them, and off come the clothes, prompted or not. We typically ask security to escort them out, unless the young ladies can convince a few of their friends to mimic their wardrobe malfunctions.

That's it for today. Thanks to the fine makers of Guinness and Jameson for sponsoring yesterday.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

im one of the people that know Alexandra Shadowens and she does not always wear clothes that make you say things like "oh my god is she really wearing that ". because I have seen her in sweat pants , rain boots , and a pink poncho.

bankmeister said...

Interesting. On a personal-preference note, ponchos look smoother in purple, while polos should be where one gets one's pink on.