We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Another St. Paddy's in the Books

Another St. Patrick's Day in the books, and I gotta say I'm glad it's over. Though I only had three Irish red beers after my 16-hour bartending shift yesterday, I've felt hungover all day, and I think it's because I'm nearing the point where I'm too old to deal with such pure mayhem for such long periods of time. But, I'm proud nonetheless, to have spent yet another Paddy's like a true Irishmen: working. And, hell -- you can't beat the money. As usual, there were some characters out yesterday, and since we couldn't get signed releases to give us permission to post their likenesses here, we've sent out the official House of Georges investigative crew in search of some good examples. The results of their fruitless efforts, after the jump.

Alexandra Shadowens



Anyone who's ever attended a St. Pat's party in any city knows the "Alexandra Shadowens" of the bunch. She's that striking girl that shows up dressed in an outfit that makes even the dudes say (to themselves) I can't believe she's wearing that.

Amy Marie



The best way to summarize your typical "Amy Marie" is as the girl that stepped out her front door that morning with two goals -- and by God, she will achieve them -- in mind: Get wasted, and get laid, most certainly in that order.

Angelina Ash



The best way to summarize "Miss Ash," however, is as the girl that most certainly did not attend the festivities at which I was working.

Capri Anderson



"Capri Anderson" is the girl that gives -- like many women are prone to do in their birthday month -- the three-weeks heads up. She wants precise responses from each of her friends that they will be "there" on the big day. She also demands a $150 minimum in the wallet/purse of each friend, anyone but her to drive, a notarized affidavit from her boss saying it's okay to take the 17th and the 18th off, and if she can get all that, she'll likely go for the approved written consent of Major League Baseball, too. Needless to say, she wakes up ready.

Federica Fontana



For the guys that are interested in destroying their livers on St. Patrick's Day, "Federica Fontana" is that girl. The girl that, around six in the evening, hinted that she wanted you. When you didn't get the memo, she stated it elicitly at five past seven, and you, opting to drink for six more hours with your same old friends, passed on the golden ticket, and you now devote the rest of your existence to finding someone half as hot as her that will let you see her naked.



You will also likely employ any and every source you can to tracking her down, just in case she's still interested, only to find that, like the ex-presidents in "Point Break," she's a ghost.

Jamie Graham



The "Jamie" at every Hoolie, is the sort that you see most every time your out, no matter the bar, and you seldom, if ever, think twice about her. On this day, however, dressed to the nines, she's hotter than fried habaneros, and you who've ignored her for so many evenings, can only stand by and watch as she grinds on the dance floor with the official king of Club Douche Nozzle. You of course, are left with no option but to mentally torture yourself for, once again, being a complete idiot.

Jessica Pelli



I'm not sure about your function, but the DJ at mine yesterday, did not look like Jessica Pelli. In fact where I was, she was a he, and he was significantly less attractive, and the proud owner of a setlist to get us through half of the day, then repeat.

Karlie Hebison



"Karlie" is like "Alexandra" in that you're surprised at her choice of attire. Except in this scenario, you're surprised that she's dressed so nice, surely knowing that the venue would often and frequently have puddles of urine, vomit, and beer.

Kayden Kross



Girls like "Kayden" are abundant on this holiday. You know, either via knowing or not, that her special areas have hosted many, many a visitor.

Kimberly Rogers



I had a co-worker like "Miss Rogers" yesterday. Her hotness can and will distract you from any ongoing within the festivities. For the sake of self-preservation, we'll say that said co-worker was my wife.

Laurena Lacey



Functions such as yesterday's always draw a "Laurena" or two.



Trouble is they're always there on behalf of Captain Morgan, or Jagermeister, or something,



leaving them, by the time you get a moment to strike up conversation, thoroughly versed in detecting all forms of bullshit, small talk, and pick-up lines.

Sophia Weber



I'm not sure how Sophia fits into the mix, but use your imagination for a change, you slouch.

Sophie Howard



There's a certain quality about "Sophie Howard" that causes even the women to alert the men to the attention of said quality.

Stephanie Strong



In such immense crowds, the wait at the bar can get annoying. That's why it's nice to have "Strong" hands with precision dexterity on the cocktailing staff.

Sunny Leone



Every year, there's at least one "Sunny" on staff, though. You know the type: She sees the party. She wants to be at the party. She's the first to clock out and visit your bar from the other side of it.

Taylor Loftlyn



Then there's "Taylor." She's always been the conservative team player. Until today. Today, she's shown up dressed to sell, and she will more than double any two other staff member's tips, thanks to the rockin' bod' she's always hidden, and the getup she's arrived in for the gig.

Veronica Zemanova



Finally, there's usually "Veronicas" in abundance. They get a couple shots in them, and off come the clothes, prompted or not. We typically ask security to escort them out, unless the young ladies can convince a few of their friends to mimic their wardrobe malfunctions.

That's it for today. Thanks to the fine makers of Guinness and Jameson for sponsoring yesterday.
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Tradition Tuesday: SEC Gunslingers Invade AFC West (well, the two teams that matter, anyway)

Editor's Note: The rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs (represented by Bankmeister) and the Denver Broncos (championed by Cecil and Old No. 7). It may seem unfair that it's two vs. one, but once KC gets that second Super Bowl we'll even out the delegation.

Seven years ago we started The Tradition, in which Broncos fans travelled out to the Truman Sports Complex with their team, and I returned to the Rocky Mountains with mine. We tailgate, we talk massive amounts of shit, our wives occasionally get assaulted by rival fans, and we almost always watch the visiting team lose. It's a grand old time.

Here at the HoG, we're going to keep The Tradition alive all year long with Tradition Tuesday--a weekly state-of-the-rivalry address.

Thus, we have installment two of Tradition Tuesday.

There are some interesting things to keep in mind about this post. One would be that I'm wasted. Two would be that I struggled, for literally hours, to get images of Brodie and Jay that were actually the same size. It, as you can plainly see, was not possible. My hope was to avoid sophomoric comments like, "See, our QB's picture is bigger, thus he's better."

Not that I would ever anticipate such a statement from either of my colleagues, but whatever. The point of today's Tradition Tuesday post is to examine the scary what-ifs of this upcoming season in the esteemed AFC West, a.k.a. the only division in the league that really counts for anything. As a whole, we know that the Art Shell's club --wha'? he's not the coach anymore? -- will fuck things up. Somehow. It doesn't matter how disgraceful your club was last year, or how impressive your franchise used to be. Bottom line=you still suck.

Moving on. Norv Turner will achieve tremendous success as head coach of the San Diego Chargers. How could you not? It won't be good enough, though.

This division, as always, will come down to Kansas City-Denver football. I know -- I didn't forget that the Bolts went 14-2 last year. Trust me. It was their thing. They had 'roids and luck on their side. But they also had Martyball. Bad times. I speak from experience, mind you.

The aim of today's post is to look at the young quarterbacks of these two fine franchises. On the one hand, you have a fan base that, as of day one of the 2006 season, was calling for its QB's head. If you're not sure who that guy is, allow me to assure you that he is the king of Classville. Another top-notch signing by the In-Com-Plete franchise. And let me assure you that he led them. Oh, he led them far. And by far, I mean into the depths of the fifth-biggest drubbing one franchise has ever seen in conference title/world championship matchups. In case you didn't get that, it was one team's fifth ass beating in a big, big game.

Let's pause.

They've been to seven conference title games. In two of them, they advanced, and won a little something we like to call the Super Bowl. Those two times were also back to back. My Chiefs have been in three of said conference championship games, and won two, one of which resulted in a world title. Yes, dinosaurs roamed the earth then, cars hadn't been invented, and the team drank a primitive version of Gatorade. Please, take a moment to fill in your own asterisks. They, however, never had their asses handed to them. Except for Super Bowl I. A 25-point defecit doesn't equate to braggin' rights. But, oh, how I've gotten off track.

We're talking about the upcoming season. And we're talking about young quarterbacks.

Initially, the aim of this post was to compare Jay Cutler's stats at Vanderbilt against Brodie Croyle's stats at Alabama, and find a skewed, totally biased way of proving Croyle's ability/edge over Cutler's. Let's not waste our time, though. Cutler's a stud. He's got a rocket laser arm and is totally set for success. Brodie Croyle has broken every bone in his body, strained every muscle, and is just plain too small to even get out of bed in the morning without hurting himself. So the matchup is obvious. Cutler's better than Croyle.

Let's look into the upcoming season. Broncos Head Coach Mike Shanahan made a switch many Denver fans hoped he would make earlier than he did. Chiefs/Broncos day in Denver was ridiculous. Some Broncos fans screamed for Cutler --again, this was week two -- while others screamed at the screaming fans for such insanity. In the end, they were all on the same page. Mr. Vanderbilt got the nod, and almost led his team to a playoff berth.

In Kansas City, Croyle only saw mopup duty. Talk about pretty. Oo, boy. So the edge is obvious. Shanahan made the change, not to make the playoffs last year, per se, but to win the Super Bowl. He didn't specify which one, but that matters little. Come opening day this year, if Kansas City Head Coach Herman Edwards decides that Brodie Croyle is the starting quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs, his aim to win the AFC West could be in trouble. We'll now remember Kansas City's own quarterback controversy of last year.

That issue appears over as the Chiefs look to trade Trent Green, having signed Damon Huard to a new contract. All signs, however point to Croyle being the '07 starter, pitting the former SEC rivals against one another again. Cutler has the edge, having started NFL contests already, and if rumor holds true, Croyle can't stay healthy.

We shall see... Read more