Thursday ThumbTubes: ManCrush Elevated

Of course all of the taglines will call J.R. a crybaby, the moment awkward, but this was awesome. Got the waterworks fired up in my living room. #notashamedtoadmitthat

(clip courtesy of the StubTubes)
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Ladies & Gentlemen, Your 2009 Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins

What a game. I was in the pisser for the first goal, which I'm told was preceeded by a non-call icing, but what can you do. The Wings gave it their all and thoroughly dominated the second half of both the second and third periods. Had it not been for Marc-Andre Fleury's consecutive saves in under four seconds in the third, this game would've gone to overtime.



Congratulations are in order to the city of pedophiles, Mario Lemieux, the Penguins franchise, and the Lone Canadian Reader, whose boycott of the House of Georges means we can make fun of him without limit.

(photo courtesy of Sports Illustrated; video thanks to the NHL)
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The Quest for the Cup: Stanley Cup Finals

Chris Pronger has got a package to deliver. Take caution when opening it; it's a non-air-conditioned truckload of beatdown. And it will be delivered on time.







That's right, homes. The long-awaited Stanley Cup Finals are here. Until this point, it's been full of surprises. No more. Cecil's Anaheim Ducks seek to etch Walt Disney's name on Lord Stanley's trophy. Their sticks are dipped, ready to carve.







It's no secret that my playoff picks have been just shy of atrocious, but I have a 50% chance of not being wrong now that there are only two teams left. It is officially time to get Giggy with it.







These Ducks mean business. They will not do as all Buffalo-oriented franchises boast.





They have old-time hockey in their corner. Teemu Selanne, originally property of the Winnipeg Jets, will steer the offense, while Pronger anchors the D, just as he did in Alberta, Missouri, and of course, Connecticut.

There's no question that the Senators are the surprise club of this year's post-season. They advanced twice when I suspected they would fold. They're playing some awesome hockey.

Those marks however, just won't be enough for Barry Melrose.

It won't be a slaughter. Not by any means. It will, however, be Ducks in six. You heard it last first here on the HoG. The dufus wizard of Stanley Cup Playoffs picks has spoken. Read more

The Quest for the Cup; HoG's Semi-Finals Preview

It's no secret that most of the world (my HoG colleagues certainly no exception) would rather watch any sport but hockey. I must admit, Women's Tennis has a certain tendency to turn me into a Peeping Tom appeal to it. And that's fine. For those of you hangin' with me in the minority of athletic contest viewing, here's where the picking gets tricky. The Quarter Finals have started -- the Pens got schooled 6-3 by the Sens up in Ottawa, and, in the West, the Ducks have gained the edge on the Wild, while the Sharks took four overtime periods to notch a victory over Nashville. But we're focusing on the East. For now. Though most of the Pittsburgh crew didn't show up for the game, the two young stars notched some points. As I mentioned in my Quarter Finals Preview, the Pens have got to get better performances from their goaltender. I think they will, but not enough to advance. There's no way in hell this group of kids can expect to come back after losing game one -- in which they generated a mere 26 shots against a very average goaltender -- to a bigger, stronger Ottawa club that has the edge in home games. Look for very good things from this non-Kansas-City-franchise in the next couple of seasons.

The Buffalo Sabres face off against the New York Islanders this evening. If Lindy Ruff's club doesn't sweep this sad-sac club that needed help to clinch the eighth spot in the East, I'll shave my Old Number 7's head. Devils-Lightning appears to be a no-brainer. Marty Brodeur played out of his skull this year, and he should handle the Tampa Bay snipers. He will, but it will take the Devils seven games to do it. Atlanta vs. the Rangers might be the Eastern Conference sleeper. The Thrashers put together a stronger regular-season campaign, but the Rangers came alive at the end. They'll make a fight out of it, but Bob Hartley's crew will get the better of them.



In the West, things are a little fuzzier. As mentioned, the Ducks have a 1-0 lead in their series with the Wild. Minnesota might grab a victory or two --though two would be a stretch -- but the force of the Mighty will be too much for the northerners. In my estimation, San Jose got lucky last night. Or should I say this morning. The fact that it took them two OTs to defeat the Preds shows resiliency in a poorly supported Nashville squad. They'll bounce back and eliminate the shark tank residents. As I predicted in my WCQF preview, the Canucks will advance in this round, disposing of the neurotic Marty Turco and his Stars. Though Turco posted 72 saves and hung tight through most of four OTs, his non-success in the post-season will dull the Stars by series end. And the Sedin twins surprised me last night. Evidently they've stepped it up, but it won't be enough to deal with their next-round foes, regardless of who they are.



Last and absolutely least, are the gays from the motor city. Sure, they'll handle the Flames. Who wouldn't? Handling Calgary is like the Denver Broncos cheating-- it happens every year. It's in-flippin'-evitable. So, can we spare any television time of these clowns? Can we just give them a bye? Wait, I suppose they could fuck it up and lose. And that would rule. So we'll make them earn it. And that, patient reader(s), is your Semi-Finals Preview.



Stay tuned as bad teams get eliminated, and I continue to look really cool by making easy picks. We'll be in the thick of it before you know it, and, to quote Old Number 7, someone will soon hoist the greatest sports trophy ever. Read more