Baseball in the Daytime: Hump Day Thievery

I am, for the second time this week, stepping in for Old No. 7 in the day-baseball rotation so's that he may complete this week's installment of The HoG 25. On Monday, when I was ungratefully accused of "stealing beats," we had a pair of National League games. Today, it's an American League two-fer.

Now, in order to keep the theme alive, I should attempt to analyze a few things that Old No. 7 has already communicated to me, things that I imagine he would touch on were he in the BitD seat this morning. The first is the ManChild (Editor's Note: Fuck you, Sean Kemp. Fuck you right in the face.) Seth Smith. He, along with other Rockies, i.e. Ryan Spilborghs, and Troy Tulowitzki have come up huge in the past four days. And their pitching continues to look good, too. But, really, it's always been about SethfuckingSmith. Look at his numbers. Well, not all of them. Don't look at batting average. That's for retards. Oh Pee Ess. Now that's the shizzle: he's at .904. Nice, nice. He's slugging .511, has 11 jacks, has only struck out five more times than he's walked, and his BB number, by the way, isn't bad: 37 in 237 ABs. Eleven doubles and three triples, with 35 RsBI? Not too shabby.

Anyway, the Rockies are now two games back of Los Angeles, and it just so happens that their next two contests are at Coors Field, against Los Dodgers de Humberto. If I were Seven, I'd now insert seven other paragraphs that nobody reads. Instead, I'll take us into the jump by saying it'd be rad if Colorado could go into September with the N.L. West lead.

Cleveland @ Kansas City, 1:10 Central: Well, the Royals won a game last night, and stopped a five-game skid, so that was nice, not to mention Zack Greinke's new franchise-record 15 strikeouts. So KC and the Tribe will play a rubber match today at the K. Lefty Aubrey Huff and righty Luke Hochevar are your hurlers. Both are .500. Both could use better E.R.A.s. I heard an interesting tidbit last night, when the Royals were still 47-77: The KC bullpen has given up less than four runs 47 times this year; they've given up four or more in 77 games. Nutty. Anyway, catch today's action live at the Truman Sports Complex, on DirecTV 721, or on XM 176.

Detroit @ Los Anaheim, 2:35: It's righty-on-lefty action again, this time in the form of Edwin Jackson for the visitors, Joe Saunders for the home team. Both are plus-.500 as starters for first-place teams. The Tigers and the Angels have both won six of their last 10, and look to keep distancing themselves from clubs like Texas, Chicago, and Minnesota. DirecTV has this one on 722, 723. XM says 177's a good frequency.

That's your A.L. two-fer for today. Buy your neighbor some peanuts and Cracker Jack, and enjoy the game.
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Couch-Scout v.3: Steelers, Squealers, Low-Down Dirty Double-Dealers

So the Admin thinks that two legs of this here aluminum tripod have forgotten about supporting the Orange-Robed Knights of the Front Range (patent pending)? Hardly. It's just that, for the only the second time ever, our local baseballers are rocking the postseason; that, combined with the worst Broncos team I've seen in some time--interestingly, or not, the Rockies lone wild card in '95 accompanied a disappointing first season under Shanahan--has meant that our orange poms have stayed, like Brodie Croyle, in the closet. Royals fans will recognize this experience from the tales their elders told them over the sod fires.

Anyway. Let's break down the game. Shouldn't take too long.


The Broncos are giving up 187.6 yards per on the ground. The Stillers are chewing turf at a 167 ypg, 4.8 ypc clip. That spells bad trouble, stinky smelly trouble, trouble like the dude who pooped on my driveway the other morning (and left behind his toilet paper!)

Plus there are the injuries, the off-field hi-jinks, the boomerang of karma, the falling pianos. Reknowned malicious career-ruiner Tom Nalen is done for the season. Javon Walker asked to Just Get the Damned Ball, already, even though, as Mike Klis mentioned in this morning's Post, he knew he was going to have to get his knee 'scoped. Awesome. Travis Henry sues the league to delay the inevitable, also awesome. Simeon Rice says he's healthy enough to play but goes into this game inactive, started making noises and now threatens to push that little Dutch fucker's finger right out of this creaking dyke, beyond awesome. No Rod Smith, no Al Wilson, just some kids, a bunch of aging mercenaries and Champ Bailey. Who is out tonight. Awe. Some.

Jesus. This is what it must feel like to be, I dunno, a Lions fan. Rooting for a draft pick before the campaign is halfway finished.

The Broncos could, of course, recover and make the playoffs, but to do so they'll have to play like a completely different team than the one we've watched through knotted fingers these past three weeks. Specifically on defense. And offense. And special teams. And coaching. And weather-related acts of Zoroaster.

I doubt it will happen. And though I'll be in my usual rooting posture--drunken fetal position near the ottoman--I carry that doubt into this contest. The Traveling Family of Displaced Steeltown Porkers that show up en masse for every Pittsburgh roadie will be, in between heart palpitations, thrilled by a 38-7 victory. The rest of us will listen to Powerslave in our bedrooms and draw pictures of dragons.


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