Jesus Effing Christ

Another day, another round of ludicrous stories about what's fast becoming the most comically disastrous franchise in the NFL. These are your Denver Broncos, courtesy of ESPN's Bill Williamson.

Pat Bowlen says he's old and can't remember if he had conversations with Bus Cook. It's becoming a pretty competitive race for who's the least intelligent person in this whole drama: Bowlen, Bus, Jay Cutler, Josh McDaniels, Cutler's dad, Williamson, or anyone who strongly takes the side of one of these jackholes.

At least Bronco fans can count on the new blood, the free agent class, right? Well, one possible starting running back is wrapped up in a drug trial. Let's just hope he's impregnated fewer than a dozen women. Any reason we can't find out about these things before handing out eight-figure contracts?

My favorite part about Buckhalter's alleged weed peddler is that he was popped with several hundred vials of dope. I've, um, been around the business end of a Michael Phelps respirator once or twice, and I may have even witnessed a sale of cannabis (for medical purposes only). I've never seen grass in a vial. This drug dealer must be a vial vile criminal indeed.
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Shameless Blog Thievery, Bus Cook's Secret Plan and More, Much More

I've been a bit of a One-Note Johnny recently, I realize. But this Jay Cutler thing, my goodness, it makes my head spin.

I've suggested in several posts that Cutler's agent, a man named Bus Cook from the former Confederacy, is the "voice" behind a lot of recent news stories. I've even made mention of his history, specifically his history with high-maintenance drama llama Brett Favre. But I haven't lowered the boom on him like the kids over at Mile High Report have.

I mean, hoo-wow. That's a lot of planning for one post about one agent. Reading it made me kind of regret my recent indulgence in conspiracy theories, because come on now. How the heck could one dude, a man who likely owns a closet full of golf shirts and maintains antiquated but charming ideas about when and where to tip his cap, be responsible--even indirectly, even by extension--for so much contractual brawling?

Yet, still. Everyone's story is at odds, here, but I like this take, courtesy of some random blog focused on the New York Jets:

Peter King wrote this morning on SI.com and then spoke to Dan Patrick and shed some light (audio) on the subject, noting that “Jay Cutler has wanted to be traded since Shanahan [OC] Jeremy Bates … left town … [Cutler has] wanted a fresh start … and it’s going to be hard for [Josh McDaniels] to build a franchise with a quarterback who is gonna mope, so my guess is that once the Broncos wring their hands a little bit they’re going to take the best offer for Jay Cutler.”

Patrick then notes that there were rumors that as soon as Bates took the job at USC, that Cutler demanded a trade (allegedly) at that point. So who really started this staredown?

I'd read that sweaty latte gulper's column this a.m., but had not heard him on the radio because I was busy standing behind a guy who was standing behind a podium. If he's confident in his source that Cutler asked for a trade early, then this whole mess starts getting a lot less complicated.

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Monday Miscellany: The Beat Goes On

Beware the ides of March now has an HoG-lific meaning. See all of three lines (and a link) on the skinny after the leap.

Man. I'm gonna stay mostly quiet and let the other two legs of the triangle do the talking on this latest episode of the Jay Cutler mini mega-drama. Now, the plausible unknown in this instance is that it's Chris Mortensen reporting. But Christ.
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