Monday, September 22, 2008

Late-Night Lambasting: Our Very Own Unsolved Mystery

And there you have it. The Chargers won, and have eliminated their win-column goose egg, leaving the Chiefs with the Browns, Bengals, Rams and Lions as the really bad teams in football. Know what? It's time to call Robert Stack. We've got a mystery to solve here in Kansas City. I'm hear, with the help of some other bloggers, to tell you all about it.

It was indeed a manic Monday, in that I probably got online 47 times today, all in an effort to ease the pain. Each time, I was checking for news. A shred, a morsel, anything to make this deep, dark pit of awful seem shallower. Here, in no particular order or relevance, are some of the scraps I uncovered:

We'll start with Browns Gab, who reported that Kansas City called Cleveland to inquire about the services of the most overrated quarterback in Notre Dame history. Arrowhead Addict tells us that the Browns allegedly want two first-rounders and two seconds. Un. Real.

Then there's our other Chief friend, Arrowhead Pride. They've linked to this Pro Football Weekly story. AP boxed this quote exactly, but it's pertinent enough to do the same here:

“He’s an awful evaluator,” said one veteran pro evaluator with firsthand knowledge of Edwards’ personnel acumen. “First of all, he can’t stay awake long enough to watch the film. He’s one of those guys that can watch 15 snaps and then go off for a half hour about what the guy could or could not do for him in his system.”


Other key excerptions from the piece:

"Said one veteran NFL evaluator a few days before the Chiefs’ 38-14 shellacking by the Falcons: 'When you are sitting on the five-yard line and you cannot score against New England (in Week One), and then you get whipped by an organization as dysfunctional as Oakland (in Week Two), I don’t know how you could have any hope.'"

"Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards continues to put up as good a front as he can in his exchanges with the media...'We’re building,' Edwards said earlier this week. 'I’m going through it with everybody else, and I don’t like it. But it’s the best thing for this organization.'...What might not be the best thing for the organization, according to some sources close to the scene, is for Edwards to have any significant input in the team’s personnel decisions."


Warpaint Illustrated also weighs in on things with news that Brodie Croyle is likely out eight weeks (Editor's Note: A tentative return date is set for October 19 when the Chiefs host the Tennessee Titans), and the suggestion that KC actually pull the trigger on a Quinn deal if it actually exists. They further suggest that the Chiefs, after giving Cleveland a first for Quinn, should send a second to Arizona for Anquan Boldin.

Not that it's a difficult task, but Michael Lombardi from SI.com has added his opinion to our NFL's worst by actually eliminating the two Ohio clubs from the mix, and saying that the Chiefs, Rams, and Lions are the three bottom feeders. He simply calls the Chiefs "bad TV."

SI also throws in a tidbit about some more Mile-High home cookin'. Apparently, Sean Payton has a beef with an offsides non-call (pictured below and courtesy of Pro Football Talk) that would've kept a New Orleans drive alive.



But that's not important right now. What is is that there's a cat named Jim Barton who blogs here. He wrote this post over a year ago, and -- surprise -- it's about Herm Edwards being a bad football coach. Highlights include the following:

*Why in the world is Herman Edwards still a coach in the NFL? He is without a doubt the most overrated field general in the history of the game. What in the world has this chump ever accomplished?

*...Herman Edwards is a terrible and tremendously overrated football coach.

*...I am convinced that Edwards is the football equivalent of 'jumping the shark': after hiring him, successful teams just go down the tubes.

*He has a history of taking good teams and running them into the ground. Let’s look at Mr. Edward’s career. He was hired as head coach of the New York Jets the season after the Jets went to the AFC Championship game under Coach Bill Parcells. With a veteran team in place, this was like handing Edwards the keys to brand new Cadillac, which he then promptly wrapped around a telephone pole. Sure, the Jets headed back to the playoffs under Edwards, but that was more a result of his having a very talented team than his coaching ability. In the end, Edwards spend five years with the Jets, compiling a less than stellar record of 39 wins and 41 losses. In his last twenty games as Jet’s coach, he guided them to a dismal record of five wins and fifteen losses...To Kansas City headed Edwards, once again inheriting a talented team that had gone 10-6 in the season prior to Edwards’ arrival. Not just any ordinary team, mind you…one that had one of the most explosive offenses in the NFL under former coach Dick Vermeil. What did Edwards do in his first season as coach? Well, he wasted no time in bringing the team record down a notch by going 9-7 in his first campaign. This season? They’re already 0-1, after losing on Sunday to the woeful Houston Texans by a score of 20 to 3. The joke now is that the best way to stop the high-powered Chiefs offense was to hire Herm Edwards as the head coach.

*He does a poor job preparing his team before the season. With the exception of the 2004 New York Jets, no team coached by Edwards has EVER had a winning record after six games. That is abysmal.

*He’s not qualified to be a head coach. Of the 32 coaches in the NFL, all but three spent some time prior to their head coaching jobs as either and (sic) offensive or defensive coordinator. In fact, Edwards has never been a coordinator at any level of football. Incredibly, he has even admitted in an interview that he never wanted to be a head coach: 'There’s no way I wanted to be a head coach. I just wanted to coach my eight or nine guys. I don’t want that head coaching stuff.'"


Guess what, Herm? Neither do we, bro. Neither do we. Thus, it's a mystery. What will the Chiefs do to make this pile of terrible diminish? Sign another unproven schlep to take snaps? Relieve Coach Edwards of his duties? Dump a bunch of future picks for other teams' property?

I dunno, but the Broncos will be in town in six days, and if the Chiefs don't act fast, they might beat us by 60 points. No foolin'.

10 comments:

bankmeister said...

Pro Football Talk is not exactly the most reputable source out there. Ask Terry Bradshaw. Now I'm not saying that's a hack Photoshop job, but...actually that's exactly what I'm saying.

old no. 7 said...

That last comment was actually mine, although it's pretty funny that Bank gets the credit for it. 3 and 0, baby. 3 and 0.

Cecil said...

I would like to add: cherry-picking calls that you think *should* have been made is a loser's game, Mr. Payton.

Sincerely,

Every Broncos Fan Who Watched Dante Hall's Clip-Filled TD "Return."

bankmeister said...

Come on ride the (five-year-old) train. Come on ride it!

sg2000 said...

Old No.7 don't worry they donks will go 13-3 maybe 14-2 and lose in the playoffs because Cutler will meltdown.

I think I would rather be miserable all season from the chiefs than feeling the emptiness of another playoff loss.

bankmeister said...

Of course, the ultimate thing to remember in this game, and every other sport, is that you can't count on calls by officiating to win you games; you've got to be good enough to on your own.

That said, if the refs are going to hand off gifts/victories/fudges, what have you, then it goes without saying that that's fuel for the smack-talk fire.

If I ever rooted for a team that won an athletic contest, I'd want to win it hands down. Given that I don't, I can only take joy in blasting those that do.

As they say: Miss-our-i loves company.

old no. 7 said...

I seem to remember a certain 1985 championship that was not won, in the eyes of America, "hands down."

As to the speculation that the Broncos go 14-2 and lose in the playoffs, I say bring that shit on. That would be incredible. This is not a Super Bowl team, they have many weaknesses, and I think they're a year or two away from true contention.

That being said, I don't see a Cutler meltdown as the most likely cause of a postseason loss. There are these skills called tackling, covering, and blocking, and I hear they're rather important in January.

bankmeister said...

Of course, in this instance the eyes of America translates to St. Louis Cardinals fans. Last time I checked, it takes three outs to end an inning, nine innings to end a game, and four wins to win a post-season series. Your blessed Cardinals did none of the above in 1985.

But if 23-year-old miscalculations is the best you can do, then God bless you my son.

bankmeister said...

And for the record, your blessed Pedias of Wiki state the following:

"The widely discussed play in the 1985 World Series remains one of the most memorable moments in Series history. It was Game 6 (October 26), with the St. Louis Cardinals leading the Kansas City Royals 3 games to 2. The Cardinals had taken a 1-0 lead on an 8th-inning single by little-used backup catcher Brian Harper after Danny Cox (of the Cardinals) and Charlie Leibrandt (of the Royals) had battled tit-for-tat all game long. Ironically, it was a blown call in the 4th inning that cost the Royals a potential run and put them in the hole when Frank White was mistakenly called out after stealing second, and the next batter, Pat Sheridan, got a hit. Todd Worrell was now in the game for the Cardinals in the 9th inning, facing Jorge Orta, the leadoff batter for the Royals. Orta hit a slow roller to first baseman Jack Clark, who tossed to Worrell covering first base. First-base umpire Denkinger called Orta safe, but instant replays and photographs clearly showed that he was out by half a step.

According to Denkinger, he got too close to the play, first looked at Worrell's glove, and then at Orta's foot a second later. Many Cardinals fans blamed the loss on Denkinger's call, but the Cardinals made a number of mistakes that enabled the Royals to stay in the game and win. In the next at-bat, Clark misplayed a foul pop-up by batter Steve Balboni. Instead of popping out, Balboni singled on the next pitch, and Onix Concepcion came in to pinch-run. With runners on first and second, Jim Sundberg then bunted into a force play at third. (It should be noted that the runner forced out at third was Orta.) Catcher Darrell Porter then allowed a passed ball, allowing the runners to advance to second and third. Pinch-hitter Hal McRae was intentionally walked to load the bases, and Dane Iorg knocked a bloop single to right that scored Concepcion and Sundberg, who avoided Porter's tag at the plate to score the winning run."

Key passages include the phrases: "Ironically, it was a blown call in the 4th inning that cost the Royals a potential run and put them in the hole when Frank White was mistakenly called out after stealing second...; ...Jorge Orta, the leadoff batter ; In the next at bat, Clark misplayed a foul pop-up...; Catcher Darrell Porter then allowed a passed ball...; Pinch-hitter Hal McRae was intentionally walked to load the bases, and Dane Iorg knocked a bloop single to right that scored Concepcion and Sundberg, who avoided Porter's tag at the plate to score the winning run."

Oh, and of course:

"The Cardinals completely self-destructed as Kansas City would go on to win Game 7 in an 11-0 blowout..."

Cecil said...

Uh, no way is that last comment seeing print until it gets by the copy desk.

Yes, that faux runback happened five years ago. My point is, our bitching about that non-call--which was fucking totally blatant, affected the play itself and occurred directly in front of the official--was as silly then as this shit is now.

Bad calls, good calls, everyone gets 'em. Parsing game film looking for ways to play gotcha with the refs in a weaselly attempt to cover up your own squad's loss, now that's simply pathetic.

Especially coming from a head coach. Could you ever imagine Ol' Leatherneckahan doing anything like that?